I think I'm about done with how I'm being treated. This isn't self-pity because I don't pity myself nor do I want to. I try to be nice to everyone and it seems that people mistake my friendliness for other things. Yeah, I can be an . Sometimes I enjoy it but most times I don't.

Yeah, I can be weird. I have a bizarre love for cats. I also attach myself quickly to people and unfortunately, for those people, I end up caring a great deal about them. But those people should be...grateful? I don't know about grateful, but they should be surprised. I don't trust easily. I am able to make friends, but it seems like a lot of them seem to drop away. I don't know if it has to do with me or not, but I don't care. Not anymore. If you don't like my care or affection- TELL ME. Don't let me make a complete fool of myself.

The point of this rant isn't to blame anyone or myself. And it's not about my lack of ability to keep people close. It's a rant because I'm tired of being played with. I'm tired of being confused. I'm tired of being 'secretly' hated on, which isn't a secret at all. I ed up quite a number of times, but I have apologized all the time. To those people who I have given a reason to hate me, I tried making up for it.

I'm terrified of people. Some don't seem to understand that. When I say I'm afraid. I am petrified. People aren't to be trusted and I don't open myself up to anyone. My anxiety disorder is real and it's not going away. Now, I don't want it to.

I'm just done. For the past month I have joined multiple roleplays where I have opened myself up and made myself vulernable. I truted people but I was also scewed with. I will go back to being an and keeping people away. I'm not going to be walked on.