First of all, if this was all a prank and I fail my tests tomorrow because my vision and head right now is very blurry, and see you grinning at me stupidly again,I'm going to bury you alive.
And then dig you out.
Just to make sure you're alive.

-

Secondly,
How dare you.
How ing dare you leave without telling me.
You annoyed since day 1 of us seeing each other.
You nagged and played pranks on me for three ing years.
The least you could've done for someone you tortured for three years is tell her when the nagging would stop.
How dare you go somewhere I can't take revenge to?!

How dare you ing lie to me.
You promised me you're going to stop doing everything I told you not to do.
You promised me you're going to fix yourself and be someone better.
You told me you're going to have a business in the future. You told me you're going to help out with your mom's business. 
You told me you're going to convert to my religion to marry me. 
You ing opened up for me. 
You ing told me things you wouldn't tell anyone. 
How can you be a ing jerk and just leave me like this?

I didn't even get to slap you once.
I didn't even get to tell you how I hate your guts.
I didn't even get to tell you how I dislike the way you move like your the ing king.
I didn't even get to tell you how I hate your haircuts.
I didn't even get to tell you how annoyingly cute you look when you just woke up and your hair flies everywhereand I think it's too annoyingly cute.
I didn't even get to tell you how you do really look good even if you're more vain than me.
I didn't even get to tell you I didn't mean all the bad words I told you.
I didn't even get to open up to you too so that you'll feel the same burden I have been feeling because you're ing sad deep inside but you smile like you're the happiest person on earth but I didn't do anything about it.
I didn't even get to tell you I like your voice.
I didn't even get to see what your true talent is aside from 'modeling' which you flaunt at me all the ing time, 
You didn't even hear me tell you that you do look good-- actually even handsome. 
You didn't even get to hear me tell you you look ing good in anything you ing wear even that time you acted in a drama as a beggar and you were wearing beggar clothes but I secretly took a photo of you because I still think you look good.
You didn't even get to hear me tell you that I care for you.
That I don't really hate you.
That I'm here for you.
That I treasure you.
That you're more than just a friend to me.
You didn't hear that 
You didn't hear any of that.
And now you won't anymore.
How ing dare you do this to me.
You said something about bad people living their lives longer than kind ones.
You're obviously the ing spawn of satan here.
How ing dare you die before me.
You insult me even to your last moment.
you.
You didn't even tell me anything.
You texted me last monday.
You ing replied to my text.
But you didn't say any ing thing.
Did you think I would be happy that you texted me?
did you think I would feel awesome because 'hey the person I love texted me before he died which means I'm the very last person he thought about but he didn't tell me he actually is dying already BUT IT'S COMEPLETELY FINE BECAUSE I GOT TO TEXT HIM AND TELL HIM HE LOOKS HORRIBLE'
Did you think that would make me feel any better?
how could you just leave like that?
how could you not let me see you for the last time?
How could you not let me say what I've been wanting to say all this time?
How could you not let me say it to you for the first and last time?

Have you been hurt all this time? 
Was it too painful? It was, wasn't it? 
You know I could've helped you.
But you didn't tell me.
And you were gone for weeks.
why?
Why couldn't you at least tell me?

You think I would miss you? No.
No I will not ing miss you
Why would I miss anyone who would never return?
I ing hate you for not showing up
I ing hate you for not letting me see you this one last time.
I ing hate you. 
But I'll let you go this once. Just this once. Because you're my friend. And you're special to me.
Hah. It's not you that I will miss.
It's the things about you that I'll miss
I'll miss calling you names.
I'll miss how they will tease us.
I'll miss how you'll gossip with me.
I'll miss how you'll ask me how you look and I'd only call you vain when in fact I think you look handsome.
I'll miss how you always transfer to a seat beside me to think about nonsense
I'll miss how we whisper-gossip during class discussions
I'll miss that one time you came to my room by surprise and I almost had a heart attack because your face was an inch away from mine and I screamed at you while you diappear from my sight with your stupid grin.
I'll miss how you joke around about almost anything but gets serious when you need to
I'll miss how you are not a gentleman to only me because you know it will annoy me.
I'll miss how you smile at me.
I'll miss your voice.
I'll miss your stupid haircut

I'll miss your unending questions.
I'll miss all the unending things you tell me even though I tell you I'm not interested about it.
I'll miss our laugh.
I'll miss our jokes.
I'll miss our late night texts.
I'll miss the time we watch movies together.
I'll miss the times I critique your taste in music.
I'll miss the time you borrowed me your hard-drive and told me not to open a folder but I opened it and it was full of and you blushed when I teased you. 
I'll miss the time we went shopping. 
I'll miss the times I scold you about our projects 
I'll miss sitting with you at school gazebo and talking about anything we could think of
I'll miss drinking coffee at a coffee shop with you.
I'll miss watching you play that pokemon game 
I'll miss laughing at almost everything with you 
I'll miss studying with you.
I'll miss sitting with you anywhere.
I'll miss how you were to me.
I'll miss how we were.
I'll miss us.
-
-
How is it where you are right now?
Do you like it there?
Dude I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend.
I'm sorry I denied how I feel for you even until the end 
I'm  sorry that no matter how many times you tried to open the topic, I avoided it.
I'm sorry I'm a ing coward.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what I've always wanted to tell you.
I'm sorry.
Please be happy. 
Rest well.
Wherever you are.
I'll miss you.

--

I won't cry again. At least I would try. I would try to be cheerful like you have always wanted me to be. I would smile at all those memories you have left to me. Those memories we had together. 

--

Now.. well.. my tears have dried and I already am able to find things I could be busy with. Although from time to time I remember him and my heart tightens in pain and tears well down my cheeks but.. I can't bring him back anymore. I can't turn back time to do all these things I want to do with him. if I could I'll treat him like a ing prince. Just--just how dare he leave me behind like this.

How could it be so sudden. How could you just disappear like that? How could you leave me broken?

Dude. I'll miss you forever. You'll remain in my heart forever. I'll stay strong for you. I'll work hard to achieve the dreams we promised each other we would achieve someday. I'll be the great person you said I should be. I'll be fabulous like what you said (haha) and I'll try to improve my fashion sense (I'm sorry you lived your life being tortured by my ugly sense of fashion while you're here being my walking magazine cover- friend). 

I'll miss you. I'll miss how you're the only person I could be truly who I am with. I'll miss that popcorn you bought for me once although you ate most of it (you dumb'o). I'll miss drinking coffees at a coffee shop with you(It felt romantic but all we did but joke around or gossip). I'll miss staying over night, studying, wiith you. I'll miss hearing you speak in English in your deep manly voice. I'll miss the way you laugh. Damn it's so manly but never have I admitted to myself how much I liked it. I'll miss seeing you swing that old phone you have around your fingers. You're such a hipster. I'll miss how you run your fingers through your hair with your mouth abit open. Woah I didn't know I actually notice these things. I'll miss the way you walk You're so maarte. I'll miss the way you lazily swing your bag pack to your back and walk equally lazily. I'll miss how you write in capslock (was that really necessary). I'll miss how you cover your mouth when you laugh. Sometimes you're more feminine than me. Do you even realize how much that insults the feminine me.  I'll miss.. everything about you. I'll miss you so much. and I love you...too. I wish I could let you know that but it's too late now.

Good bye.
 

-

February 14. 
Happy Valentine’s Day.
You would've greeted me today if you were around and I would ignore you.
I'm sorry I ignored your valentine greetings last year.


 

_

March 26.

Three years after the first day we met. HahaHaha.  You thought I forgot? Pft. No I didn't.  I couldn't even if I want to. Yeah that's how big your impact was on me the first time we met. It's so big that it got carved in my heart forever.

_
 

April 16.

Happy birthday.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that now in person.
I'm sorry I ignored you last year when you invited me on your birthday celebration.
I'm sorry that I wasted every opportunity I could have had to spend time with you.
I'm so sorry I have been such a coward and kept on pushing you away.
I'm sorry that it's your birthday today but all I can do is whisper your name and wish that my words would reach you wherever you are.
I'm sorry that I'm only texting you now. Now that it is already too late.
I'm sorry I didn't show you and tell you that I love you too.
I'm sorry I secretly loved you.

Today, you turned 20.

I remember you telling me before that you want to stay young forever. You were never the type who liked the idea of growing old and have wrinkles on your handsome face. Stupid. You could always take care of your skin with many more methods to maintain your young look. It didn't have to be this method. You didn't need to stay 20 forever. You didn't need to  lie down in a coffin just to stay young forever. You didn't need to turn into ashes and leave all of us.

-

Once upon a time, Mira was stupid. She actually still is. But she was more stupid before.

She was in a deep slumber and didn’t want to wake up.

But then she woke up on her own and realized that the man, who was supposed to wake her up, is actually already stuck in her dream before he could have the chance to wake her up.

It was too late when she realizes this.

So she spends her time mourning and questioning why he didn’t at least try, why they didn’t even try, and finally, regretting when she realizes that it was her fault why he couldn’t even try in the first place.

It was her who got him stuck in the dream.

She was the one who pushed him away and locked him in that dream.

In retrospect.
hah why is it that I think I would see you blushing while telling me that I'm corny if I show you this.. X'D
But whatever. This is for you.

I'm sorry that now, we can only meet in my dreams.
I'm sorry I got you l o c k e d in my d r e a m s.

-
 

May.14

Thank you for those memories, Michael.

You will forever be in my heart.

Always.