Way To Start Off The New Year...
Hey guys. Happy 2014.
Did you guys have a great beginning to the new year? Well I can say that mine was great...until about an hour ago...
When it comes to a new year, a lot of people want to change a bit about themselves so that they can improve for the better. Me, I wanted to be a better author to your awesome readers. I actually scolded myself harshly when a couple of you guys were saying that I don't update enough... So I wanted to improve. In fact, I wanted to surprize you guys with uploading the final chapter for the Holiday fan fic that I was actually working on. For the past couple of hours I've been busy typing up the bits and pieces of the story that I hand wrote in my story book a long time ago.
Eventually I decided to take a break and surf YouTube. When I got on the site, it said that I had a new comment to my MV reaction. Honestly, comments excite me. I get really eager to find out what someone has to say. That goes for my writing too. I love reading comments because then I know what I can work on, I know what you awesome readers are thinking about my stories and I know if whether or not I should tone down my spazzing for the videos. Yes I do get those comments where I feel bad about myself for being a bad author or something, but this YouTube comment really hurt me... Here's what it said,
"Weww...... U like a big girl..... Soooooo creepy _"
Now, I'm pretty sure that English isn't their first langauge [If it is then that's a shame] and I don't mind international viewers. But when that's all of a comment I get...it hurts. It's not hard to tell who the big girl is [I'm pretty damn sure SNSD isn't a goup of 'big girls'] and being called creepy for loving my babies feels like I'm commiting a crime. I'm sorry I don't have a fit body type, let alone a body type like SNSD, but not everyone out there is going to be idol status.
For all I know though, this person is probably some immature teenager who acts before they think, but words are still words. Some of you might be thinking, "That's not even what they said at all" but I've heard plenty of cruel and rude things in my short life time to know that no matter who it's from or how they say it, they still hurt. I would have understood if it were a problem with my screaming, [I did that a lot], or if there were a problem with my camera quality, but no. The problem was because I'm a fatass who is a lesbian and is in love with SNSD.
I honestly try hard not to think about stuff like this, but it's just hard not to you know? You got insulted, not because of something you said, or how you acted, but simply because of how you look. I tried to push it out of my head. I tried laughing it off, I tried shruggging it off, I even tried blocking it out of my head completely with k-pop, but in the end, this thing has put me down so much that I don't think I'm gonna type all day tomorrow, if not all weekend. Mianhae everybody. It's just that I can't write fan fic when a certain emotion is stuck in my head. I said that before in one of my other blogs.
It honestly made me think though. If I'm this down when someone makes fun of me, how do the girls feel with all of those stupid anti's? Then that's when I realized that they're all practically dating and most likely don't care about the antis because they're too busy floating on cloud 9 or something. Hyoyeon's dating [unconfirmed], Yoona's dating [confirmed] and now Sooyoung's dating [unconfirmed]. It makes me wonder who else has been in a secret relationship this entire time. Hell, with the way this news is coming out, this is probably a count down to the girls' comeback. Tell everyone who they're dating and then hit the world with a comeback. And then where does that leave me? I'm the delusional, fat, lonely lesbian who wishes that they can date an SNSD member.
It's because of stuff like this that I put myself down constantly. That way, when someone else puts me down, I won't be hurt so bad because I've already said it to myself. I don't know...I told myself that I should smile more for 2014 and that I shouldn't be in such a bad mood half the time, but I guess not. Mianhae you guys, I just...I can't...
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