hello, reader of my blog o/ well, it's been a while, hasn't it? i honestly haven't been on aff in a long long long long long time. okay, actually that's a slight lie because i check in everyday. i just do nothing on here lol excluding this moment right now. so, i'm not really sure what to do in this blog because i don't really have much to update about and everyone seems to have dissapeared lol 

one thing that i will update is that i have a crush on this kid in a grade above me who reminds me of kyungsoo LMAO he has his hooded eyes, the same hair style, and simliar noses. i know it sounds wrong to like a person because they remind me of my ultimate bias, but he also seems to be really nice and cool. i like him in a senpai way i suppose. so with my friends i call him senpai LOL but yeah 

so far, life has been okay. it has it's ups and downs, and currently is going a little down, but that's okay because i'm working hard to get myself up again. although kind of recently i was having some problems with myself but it's okay now because i decided to not be a baby and get over it haha 

and well...hm, i don't know what to say. 

oh, well i'll say one thing and that is that EXO has almost completely taken over my life. it kind of scares me how much i love them, you know? i honestly love them with all of my heart and i would do just about anything for them, and the thought of them makes me really happy, the thought of them sad or in trouble pains me immensely and i just. i just have a lot of feels for EXO that i can't describe. 

i've honestly never loved a group so so so much, and this is saying something because of B1A4. in all honesty, i never liked sandeul or baro in the beginning, but of course, i love them with all my heart right now. but it's just...it's different with EXO and i'm not sure i like it or not. like, i do, but at the same time i feel really bad because i felt like i've been deserting B1A4, my first ultimate loves, but at the same time it's like whatever. 

like with EXO...i just. i love them all equally but not equally and my bias list can never stay the same for more than three hours and it's like they're all perfect in every way that i can't describe because they just are and they ruin my life and i just. i'm done with EXO. 

there was this point that i've been having with B1A4 that was like a feeling of lost love. w o w that sounded deep although i'm talking about music groups haha but they're way more than music groups, you know? but anyway, back to topic, there was this feeling that i was having a little after my second anniversary with gongchan ( yes lmfao ) , and it was like whenever i looked at B1A4  or whenever i looked at gongchan, i was just missing that spark. you know that feeling of your heart racing and pounding and you'd just smile like an idiot? i was missing that. i didn't know why, and i didn't feel like i loved them any less, but it was like my physical showings of love for B1A4 was depleting and i wasn't sure why. i thought i was just being weird but after a while i guess you could say it "got worse" and i started to ignore B1A4 a little. okay, ignore isn't a good word to use. more like i wasn't going on the B1A4 tag on tumblr as much as i'd used to and i didn't look up stuff about them everyday. 

and well, i was like having this empty space because there wasn't a group that i was whole-heartedly obsessed about.  i mean, of course there was B1A4 but it just wasn't the same anymore. and then, EXO happened. *que dramatic korean drama music* 

on december 22, i was first exposed to EXO. or let's just say Kai LMFAO i was super hyped about a new SM boygroup, so like everyone else i waited for the teaser and i spazzed over it and compared kai's looks to taemin's and all of that good stuff. i feel in love with kai's dancing, but i fell in love with a voice who i didn't identify. i never really expressed it back then, but i fell in love with do kyungsoo's voice. 

okay i know i'm going to go off-topic once kyungsoo gets involved, so i will refrain from completely talking about him. 

okay, onwards to life, i got impatient with all of the teasers with kai, and i kind of cooled down with EXO and never really got back into it until they finally debuted. my first bias was baekhyun, actually. after that it was chanyeol and then luhan. i wasn't that into them just yet, so i kind of based my bias list on looks and the talent that i knew of, so baekhyun went first, then it was rapper yeol, and "manly" luhan. 

man, their first few songs hit me pretty hard now that i realize it. i mean, i never really expressed wanting to d.o d.o (do u c what i did there) or anything because i wasn't biased to him yet, but like i said, i just realized how much i listened to them. i think my exo obsession finally started once i had returned from the philippines and back to the sunny cali because i basically had 6 months of summer due to me getting out of school in the ph 3 months earlier than the us schools, hence me having 6 months. 

those were dark times now that i look back at that too. i remember my parents would like let me do whatever because i had tons of time, but at that time i would literally stay in my room all day and my parents would bring me food bc i was lazy and it was really bad. i know how it feels like to faint from hunger and not moving a lot, and it was really bad so don't do that k 

okay, let's fast foreward a lot because the good stuff happen recently once they came out with wolf. i heard the leaked version and died because of how funny it was, but at the time i still couldn't identify each member LOL after wolf, and like in between the break, that's when i realized do kyungsoo was the person i've been waiting for forever. no one has ever booted/matched gongchan, but when i realized stuff about do kyungsoo...it all changed. 

okay, this will be a lot of me talking about kyungsoo and exo now and it's just going to be a mess so forgive me in advance. 

do kyungsoo is just...i can't describe it. it's weird how much i love him, because i've never legitimately loved a person so much. i've never experienced true love obviously, i haven't even had my first kiss for noodle's sake, but i feel like i legitimately love do kyungsoo. throwback to kcon, i have never cried so hard because of one person. i was happy and i was sad and everything was just so much. i regret crying so much though, because i could barely see through my tears haha i remember, the moment the screen brightened up and they did their little powers, i felt myself shaking furiously and my legs felt like jello. like, i was thinking "this is actually happening. we're in the same room together and they're going to perform right now" 

you know those things in movies where they just "feel the moment"? right then, i felt it. i felt my heart racing and i was so happy and jumping up and down like crazy. i was so happy. like this was actually happening. and then, i started crying. i was already crying earlier because i was so overwhelmed and happy, and because of yoo seungwoo, but at this time i was bawling so hard that i can't even describe it. i remember, once they started to perform 365, they moved to the front stage and i got a glimpse of kyungsoo. 

that is where i broke down like no one's business. i wanted to stop crying and shaking because i wanted to see them properly, but no my feels couldn't handle it so i just saw blurry faces of 12 perfect people. okay, thinking about it is making me want to cry again because i miss them so much. 

okay, back to 

okay i don't even know what to go back to because now i'm thinking about EXO and it's just

feels

feels everywhere

okay this blog is getting really long and i bet a lot of people skimmed but that's okay because i would've skimmed too. so in reward of clicking on this blog in the first place, have a selca, i suppose? lol #bestrewardever am i right or am i right 

/pushed off a cliff 

but here you go