Somethings not right...i feel in the bloody dark... like certain people are doing everything they can to avoid speaking to me... while at the same time i feel really really guilty and bad cause i basically went back on what i said to a friend.. :/ but then again it was for good reason but i know thats no excuse to go back on something.. and i know if i told them then they wouldnt take it so well...well i think they wouldnt im not sure thats why i havent told them... but then i cant tell anyone anything anymore, not even my brother and i tell my brother EVERYTHING! becasue of how long ive been very secretive for its just all built up... but then i hate showing my feelings cause i basically tell myself "nobody really gives as about what you feel, youre there to help people with their problems and deal with yours yourself cause nobody else gives a "... i dont know what to do anymore :/ people are acting weird around me like they know something :s making me completely paranoid and thats the last thing i need added on right now... 

ill probably end up deleting this later :/ just needed to write it down basically...

sorry for being depressing :'(