Title: Story of Scent

Author: BeeCassiopeia

Reviewer: -Kaara

 

 

 

Title (1/5)

At first glance, I couldn't really grasp the meaning of your title. It sounded wrong, like an inappropriate use of wordings. I wonder how other readers would react to the title, for it bears no actual understanding to the readers' behalf. I, for one did not get pulled into the story just by the title. It kept rolling in my tongue as I tried to sort out what you really wanted to imply, but I couldn't come up with anything just by judging your headline.

 

As I read through the chapters, I understood why you used that particular title, but I fear it has a small misconception to it. If you test the headline out a lot of times, then you must realize that something is amiss somewhere along the wordings. 'Story of Scent' portrays the silent struggles of Jaejoong to overcome the unbearable emotions from his painful breakup with Yunho— I can understand that bit. However, I just couldn't really see the sense in using that title for the interested readers to judge. 

 

Maybe, if you used 'Of Orange Blossom Scents', it acts as a romantic front for the audience to get enticed; the quality of the title indicates just how much of an experienced writer you are. In the story, Yunho is described as having a 'citrus, orange blossom scent' so use that to your advantage! Instead of the old title that produces no magnetism at all, you should try other alternatives.

 

You must always remember that titles are crucial in pulling interested readers to your story. The more creative you are with your titles, the more readers would love to explore your story and adore your writing.

 

 

Description and Foreword (5/10)

I really have to give you a round of applause for the Description. It was beautifully made and it prompted me to read on and find out just what it really revolved around. However, you could have added 'an' at the beginning of the sentence because starting it just like how you initially did felt a bit off. On a side note, it was ridiculously short for my taste.

 

For me, I am the type to favour long, meaningful descriptions that do not reveal as much as they need to. But yours just managed to capture my whole attention even if it was short— it had the attraction factor to it that make readers want to further indulge themselves in your story. You really did a great job on this! 

 

There won't be any marks allocated for the Foreword as you did not post one.

 

 

Originality of Plot (17/20)

I can't say that I haven't stumbled across similar genres and story plots such s yours, but I must say that you did a brilliant job in narrating one that seems quite unique. It was almost written for a perfect score but given that it is a two-chaptered oneshot, then I have no right to say how it had a few loopholes and such.

 

Nevertheless, I find your story a bit too cliched as it not only did not have a certain depth and feel in it, but it was also predictable. I apologize but I feel that way with your story. The storyline seemed to have been planned meticulously and I respect that for it was quite breathtaking how Jaejoong partially wanted Yunho back and wanted to forget him all the same. The only problem was your lack of inner thoughts. I know that some might disagree on me with this— you've described Jaejoong's heartache through your lovely elaboration and that is a keeper— but it wasn't much. To me, if someone was in such a situation, then the writer should expand their horizons; talk about all his inner desires in words that would really make your readers want to really pity and cry for the character. 

 

That aside, I admired how you took the readers back in time to how Jaejoong met Yunho, for that was an important key to a great plot line. It helped the readers to further understand how intimate they have gotten until the terrible breakup ensued. 

 

 

Now, when I saw that you hired a beta reader to fix any possible errors in your story, I didn't think she or he did a good job and I really thought that you have wasted your time to take in such a person. Forgive me for saying that but to my understanding, beta readers are supposed to correct any wrong grammar mistakes in your story but I was quite annoyed to find many that had me glaring holes into the screen.

 

Some of the tenses were off, others just the inconsistency of wordings, spellings and lack of vocabulary. There were too much to count but I managed to scoop up some that really had me re-read the sentence again to try and understand it before realizing how wrong everything is:

 

With a lot of practice, I'm sure you can produce a more quality fiction. Remember to be careful with the tenses (seeing as you used present tense) and always put a comma after a conversation, because it applies to the right rules of English grammar. 

 

 

Writing style (7/10)

Your writing style was impeccably beautiful, and I could relate to it so much. I really liked how you described Jaejoong's heartache with such depth that I could actually feel his pain— well, not that much because it wasn't really in-depth but that's not my point. The ability to touch the readers' hearts with your words is very important and that is one of the key fundamentals to create a successful story. 

 

On the other hand, I disliked your choice of fonts. For me, a decent story with such beautiful words should be written in either Times New Roman or Georgia. Even by using the Arial font is alright, but if you could manage to pull off a breathtaking story with your words, then you must also include those points into the way you portray it; the perfect example being the fonts you use. Choosing fonts is not hard and I'm sure everyone agrees with me, but having to choose the RIGHT font is a bit tricky. 

 

Let's say, if you are writing a crack fiction: Comic Sans MS is a perfect font to use with a maximum size of '12'. You can even use Trebuchet for this type of fiction. 

 

In other words, the font that you use acts as one of the attraction factors to the readers who read your story. To put it bluntly, the mood and genre of the story has to be suited with the perfect font. Therefore, in order for you to reach the level of Advanced writers, you must be very selective over your work to please the readers and critics, for they are the true judges on how good a story is to be read. Keep up the good work, alright?

 

 

Characterization (6/10)

I actually loved everything about Jaejoong's personality here (and it has nothing to do with him being my bias). You really had the upper hand in this section because the way you portrayed Jaejoong as a heartbroken individual was spot on and many people could relate to how he must be feeling. Again, this factor is pretty downgraded because you did not provide an in-depth elaboration on his inner emotions enough for the readers to cry for Jaejoong (or is it just me?) but all in all, his characterization was perfectly made.

 

As for Yunho, I couldn't quite understand him. I mean, he wasn't complex and I knew that he had to let Jaejoong go because of his family's wishes but I just... don't understand him. For me, I really can't fathom why he had to invade Jaejoong's life in such an inopportune time, and when the latter just wanted him out of his sight. In my opinion, he should have just settled everything with Jaejoong immediately and not wait for an insanely long amount of time. This will result in an increase in Jaejoong's heartache but this is all in my opinion.

 

I am amazed by the characterization of everyone in your story. However, you should keep in mind that development is important in breathing life into your character and making it believable for readers. It is one of the key policies to a good story so remember that.

 

 

Flow of Story (8/10)

For a lovely two-shot, the flow was not that bad! The story was told in a very straightforward way and the pace you've set for it was spot-on; it was a perfect time setting for a two-shot because stories with a small number of chapters tend to be a bit messed up. The author might leave a few important details out just to accomplish the story in one chapter or so, and this will result in a dissatisfaction to the readers so please take note.

 

To me, I felt that the story was quite a complete package because you've inserted Jaejoong's past memories on how he and Yunho met and that is one way to deliver a thorough story. A character's past is somewhat a very crucial element in some stories that start off with him or her being in a conflict, and so you've really nailed it.

 

 

Ending (4/5)

I can't say I'm deeply satisfied with the ending, but it was one that had my heart clench and just accept the fact that Yunho's finally gone from Jaejoong's life— it was a fitting ending. 

 

All of his sufferings may now come to an end and this is one of the reasons why I liked the ending. Jaejoong doesn't need to hold on to that one slim hope that someday, Yunho will be back with him again and it warms my whole being to know that the ending was acceptable. I've also analyzed in the comments that your readers really loved the ending and had them crying buckets; and so I agree with them. You did a great job on the ending and it wasn't a total disaster like some unfortunate stories. Keep it up!

 

 

Overall Enjoyment (3/5)

To say that I didn't enjoy your romantic piece is such an understatement and an insult, because I did. However, it didn't really had me tearing up and it didn't quite reach me and penetrate the very soul in me. Your story to me is just below average, but it isn't bad either. I do hope that with my review for you, you can extract a few pointers in order to improve your stories in the future, because there is always room for improvement to be the best. Good luck!

 

 

Total (65/100)

 

 

Bonus (1/2)

Oh! I see you did the poster by yourself; well I'll give you credit for that. All in all, it didn't really pull me into the story. The graphic was too simple and didn't have the magnetism a romantic story should have, so I won't be giving you full marks. Another important factor in attracting readers into your story is to have eye-catching posters or graphics that really emanates the genre of your fiction. This way, a lot of interested readers would want to stop by and read your creation.