Angst - A feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression.

I love angst. I really love reading and writing angst. 

There are so many reasons why I love angst. I just wanted to put it into words. How angst fanfics made me feel.

When I am reading a really good angst fic, on the very first chapter, I already developed this nervous feeling. A feeling in the pit of my stomach, this something like a twirling unpleasant sensation. It was weird.

And when I am on the most angsty scene, I'll start to sniff and then when the angst slammed on me, I'll cry. I'll cry for a whole minute, causing me to stop reading. And when I calm myself, I'll read again only to repeat the process all over.: Cry-pause-read-cry-pause-read

It hurts, the breaking of your heart, the tears, the sting. The pain, it really hurts but I like it. I like the feeling on my chest, that tightening feeling, the sting behind my eyes. I love those, I love the feeling. Yes, I am such a masochist. 

My friends tell me I am such a drama queen. I admit that BUT only a few fanfics can really make me cry. Only a few, In the scale of 10 fanfics, only one, just one can really get into me. Yes, I am choosy.

So when I am writing angst (It is my comfort zone. I love writing angst) , I have this nervous feeling that people will not like it, that people will not get the angsty feeling because when I am writing them, I can not really feel the angst. An author told me that reading angst and writing angst are a different matter. When a writer reads an angst fic, it is easy to cry but when a writer writes an angst fic, it is impossible to cry. Because you are the one writing. A plain explanation but it really makes sense. 

But still, it doesn't erase this insecure feeling of mine that my angst fics will not be angsty from the readers perspective. But everytime I got the shock of my life when readers like them. I mean, it is a fail (For me) and the readers like them. 

It made me question myself: Am I really good at writing angst?

I am not trying to sound boastful and so full of myself. I am just really curios. 

So, am I a good angst writer? (Please refer to "A Day With You")

Thank you.

Angst feels like heaven, but it hurts like hell.