Story Title: Don’t Leave
Story Author: 1stRateDreamer
Reviewer: tipkai

Title: 2/5

A rather bland and overused title but it fits with the story so that’s one point. Though I do believe that you could’ve been a little more creative with it – then again good titles are hard to come up with.
 

Appearance: 4/5
Nothing burned my eyes, so that’s a good sign. You also have a nice poster, it matched with the story. Your background was good too, didn’t distract me from reading. You did abuse the italics thing though. I didn’t like that but that’s just me being picky, haha. Overall, clean and easy to read, well done!
 

Description/Foreword: 13/15
Tense change but I understand since you’re talking in retrospect. I think if the first paragraph was in present tense, it’d still make sense. Other than that, the description gave us a clear idea of the plot but did not particularly tell you what would happen. It’s straight to the point. Again, well done! I don’t know how to make this description even better (though if you could cut on the run-on sentences a little, it’ll be much neater.)
 

Storyline: 17/25
It’s like most depressing one/two/whatever shots–one person dies, the other half becomes sorrowful and rueful and the story goes from there. But I liked your illogical (but it works) twist: that little girl who magically (I’m assuming magically) brings Daehyun back in time. Your storyline worked which is good, but it didn’t hit that wow factor.
 

Characterization: 2/10
Your characters are realistic but they are boring. What I mean is that there isn’t really any character development or complex emotions involved. Sure, Daehyun was depressed but that really was it. The only emotions that were shown were happiness and depression. Nothing else. I understand that this is a two shot and to incorporate character development and complex emotions is not so easy. I think it takes practise though. So, practise!
 

Flow: 9/10
Your story is well paced. A mark was deducted only because the dates you put seemed so spontaneous and sporadic.
 

Grammar: 18/20
I was pleased to see that this story was made up of mostly correct grammar. You have a lot of run-on sentences though. Again, if you could cut on them, it’d be much neater.

He planted a soft kiss on Na Young’s cheek before hopping out of the warm bed and scurrying off to their kitchen to fix them food.

Fix them food does not make sense. Fix their food is a slightly better. But fixing food doesn’t make sense at all. Consider revising this. I think the ‘them’ is a typo, but you should always edit your work and check for any errors.
 

Writing Style: 7/10
You abused the bold and the italics button! I didn’t particularly like that then again that’s me being picky. You also used Korean phrases – something that irks me a lot because honestly, it’s not necessary and I don’t think we need to know how excellent your Korean is. It’s not just the oppa. It’s the “aigoo” and “yeobo” and the rest.

Ignoring the points above, I think you have the potential. Keep practising! Keep writing! It’s not bad but it’s not good, it’s in between. (Leading to good though. I’m not lying.)
 

Comments and Advice:
Your story is written well and your writing style is better than 70% of AFF writers. It still lacks a lot though. Anyway, keep practising and keep writing!

Total score:
2, 4, 13, 17, 2, 9, 18, 7
= 72/100