hey guys.

i'm not my usual self tonight, and i'm not sure why i'm writing a blog about it. but i just need to vent and put this somewhere.

i don't know if any of you have ever heard of or seen "A Very Potter Musical" (if not, go on youtube and watch immediately) but there is a line in it that goes
"You're just like this useless guy- you're like a spare."

I feel like a spare today. A completely useless spare. You know? Some nights get like this for me, that I start feeling down. The next day can be a complete high, but when night time rolls around...it's like every anxiety I ever have, every bad emotion I can ever feel hits me now. And it gets me thinking- when does it get better? When can I stop worrying about such stupid things?

I'm having such a hard time opening my heart and trusting people. I know that can be hurtful to them, but it's like "well i wonder if they're talking about me behind my back" or "they're probably thinking i'm a complete idiot" or "maybe they just don't like me". I worry about these things. Even though I know that I shouldn't....I do. Because those things have completely sunk me down to a low before, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to deal with it if it happens again. 

I guess i'm just rambling.
new will be posted soon.
love you all.
-ShinSoohyun_