While writing this post... There are salty droplets dropping endlessly from my eyes. Have you ever felt so unappreciated and unhappy? In short, unloved? Well, I do. Almost everyday. I believe I am a very obedient and nice daughter. But never once I have felt truly that all my efforts of being someone my parents will love was appreciated. They always expect something more. They always compare me to other kids my age that are greater than me. They always point out how blessed I am compared to other kids so I dont have the right to complain. A while ago... during lunch time... I cooked baked macaroni because it's my birthday tomorrow. While we were eating...I decided to open up a conversation regarding my college plans. I told her that if I will take up engineering like my sister... I'm not sure if I can handle it since I'm a person who is not motivated to finish a thing if I dont like what I'm doing. She asked me what course would I like to take. I told her that I've dreamed to be a doctor and I'm really good in science subjects. But she said, I cant handle it. That im not fit for that job. I told her that she should trust me. But she just laughed like i was telling a joke. Then she told me, why not be a lit student? I told her i dont like writing that much and that its hard to be an author since i dont have creative ideas all the time. And most probably, lit students become english teachers and i dont want to be a teacher. Then she asked, in what other subjects do you excel? I told her im really good in music. I love to sing, read notes and i play various instruments. By the look of it, i think she did not like that. I think it also reminded her of my scheduled sm auditions last last month in which she never allowed me to go. She told me that the competition is very stff and that i would be wasting money in going to korea. So I decided to leave and end the topic. While washing the dishes, i was tearing up. Because I am really disappointed with what my mom thinks of me. I feel like she doesnt have the confidence in me. Despite the many times i have proven myself that I am worthy and a good daughter. When my mom saw me crying,she got angry. She told me that whatt's difficult with me is that im emotionally weak. And that I think of korea and my dreams all the time. She told me to stop crying becaus I'll only be giving her another problem if i get sick. She even said; if we'll be like this, why dont we just live our own separate lives? I just kept my mouth shut. Went upstairs, went in my room and cried I am not a person whom you would normally see crying. I am a person whom you would remeber as jolly and smiling. I dont usually show my real feelings and problems to other people. I've always tried to hold everything in and keep it to myself. I don't like other people to bear my problems and pity me. But I've come to this point where I feel really, really down and sorrowful. I need to spill even just a little of what im feeling right now. Because if i dont, i might just burst and destroy myself completely.