So that was always the case with the third guy.  He calls you when he's about to drink or when he's drunk, and you always appear by his side in a short while.  The pattern was forming already, so you asked him "Why do you always call me?"

"I call a lot people when I am about to drink and when I'm drunk...but I call you first always...because I know you'll find a way to meet me whatever the circumstance."

You snickered.  "You make me sound like I'm your ."

"I know you're a , just not mine.", he joked. "Seriously, I always call on you because...well, I know you're not straight, but I see you as one.  You're no different.", he added.

You were puzzled to say the least.  You're gay, but straight to him.  You're not really sure what that meant so you asked your straight friend at work what it meant.  "That means the guy likes you very much as a friend.  Even though he knows you're not straight, he's comfortable having you around."  Ah, you realized.  You were in love, he was loving your company.  It figures.  But it didn't hurt anymore.  You were just happy you can still have him near you without being someone else, and that's all that matters.

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 Just when you thought you couldn't find a gush-worthy guy at work, you saw one.  He was tall, fair-skinned, with bushy eyebrows and never goes out without a cap.  He had that boy-next-door appeal.  You wondered what his name was. 

Then came the part of work when you were under the supervision of a tenured staff.  Coincidentally, the tenured staff was a close friend of your office crush, and he invited him for dinner, which was the tenured staff's treat to you and your fellow trainees.  So came the night of the dinner, you guys ate your hearts out at some seafood restaurant, introduced yourselves, etc.  You had to keep yourself from smiling like an idiot all the time because you were just so overjoyed~! You felt full, and there's something with feeling full that makes you wanna smoke just 1 stick of your favorite menthol cigarette.  So you excused yourself, went outside to puff some smoke, and when you went back in, you overheard your crush saying "...it was really a turn off for me when I learned that my previous crush was smoking."  You exchanged silent glances with the tenured staff, who is now your friend and knows that you have a crush on his friend. 

He whispered "Heard that? He doesn't like smokers!".  

"Sshhh!  You're too obvious!", you hissed, while quietly hiding the pack of cigarettes and lighter at the back pocket of your jeans.

"What are you guys talking about?", your crush asked. 

"Nothing!", both you and the tenured staff replied in chorus.  He just raised his thick eyebrow and shrugged his broad shoulders and continued sharing his story to the rest of the people on the table.  Now, you are seriously considering to quit smoking.

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So months went by and you both grew closer and closer.  You now share the same circle of friends, watch movies together, go clubbing sometimes, etc.  You noticed a lot of stuff about him, both good and ugly.  He is short-tempered and impatient. He doesn't hide his disappointment.  He's demanding and acts like a spoiled brat, most probably because he is actually.  He came from a well-off family, studied at a prestigious university at the capital city and is a close friend of the lead singer of the rock band you idolized when you were in high school.  He is a God-fearing person, doesn't drink (unless placed under tremendous amount of pressure), doesn't smoke, and helps a certain charity for orphans.  You just adore his entirety, both the pleasant and unpleasant sides of him.  Your friends keep telling you they don't like him at all, you keep telling them he's just misunderstood and that he's a good guy actually.  They tell you he has an attitude problem, you tell them that's just the way he is.  They wonder how you keep up with his mood swings, you tell them you're just naturally born patient.  They tell you you're in love with him...you tell them you're not really sure yourself.

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So your circle of new-found friends (5 all in all including you, 4 thorns 1 rose) decided to go on an out-of-town trip to the beach.  You seated next to each other when you rode the bus.  As usual, he was complaining why the bus looks so dilapidated and didn't have AC.  You just laughed and shared stories and some jokes along the way (it was a 4-hour trip by the way) and you were really having a good time.  He borrowed your PSP and listened to some tracks, and within a few minutes, he got addicted to "Moves Like Jagger", so he took your PSP and earphones and sang the song all throughout the trip.  You loved how shameless he is, how he never thinks twice of having fun, even if it means he will look like a fool to a lot of people. 

After the bus trip, you went to the rest house.  You made groceries and cooked food for the hungry masses.  You went swimming, story-telling, played games....you really had a good time.  It was the best 2 days of your life.  Then you came back to reality.  Since you had different schedules and you have plotted leaves on that week, you didn't see each other the week after the very fun escapade.  This caused him to send you messages on Facebook like "i miss you...", along with other messages such as "with you, there is no dull moment".  And you really thought there was something special...again. 

So when you got back to work, he keeps insisting that you have breakfast togther almost everyday (as a group, of course), and he would order the same thing every morning at McDonald's:  Pancakes swimming in maple syrup.  He was saracstic, but sweet.  He was always nearby and you can always count on him to make you happy.   Life was filled with rainbows and flowers once again.   But just like the previous stories, everything has to come crashing down once again.

========================================

The only rose in the group shared some...juicy...info to you.  And it pertains to your crush (but she isn't aware of your feelings for him)...and his hidden relationship with the other thorn in the group. 

Turns out your instincts were right.  They were both not straight.  And now you know why, when you were on the out-of-town thing, you would go ballistic inside when you notice that both of them have disappeared.  Guess what?   They are secretly going out, and she even saw the both of them hugging on the bed.  And so you wonder.  Since he kept telling you "i miss you" and such at the time after the trip, were you just some sort of fallback person for him?  Priority #2? You just couldn't think of the right word that would fit your role.  And what's more frustrating than feeling jealous and broken is the fact that you have absolutely no right to feel that way because in the first place, you two were never....a couple or something.  You have no right to feel jealous, angry or bitter.  But you felt those emotions anyway.  You never thought it would hurt so much because you thought nothing and nobody could hurt you again. 

You went into a bit of a depression.  You smoked again (after announcing a week ago that you were gonna quit), drank again and partied hard at the Bonnie Bailey concert.  You were thankful the third guy was there, who happened to be Mr. Fallback 2010-2011 for you. 

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You felt sorry for falling in love.  You felt sorry for YOURSELF for falling in love.  But you just can't help it.