So you've placed the second guy at the back of your mind for 3 or 4 years now. He's happy with his girlfriend and you decided to be happy for them as well. It's not like he would come to you when they break up anyway. And besides, who would want a plum when somebody has already taken a bite? (Hatsumomo to Sayuri, Memoirs of a Geisha). But you admit, every time somebody mentions his name, or every time something pops up that would remind you of him, your heart bleeds. Not because he is with someone else, but because you have the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens at the back of your mind. What if I confessed to him like what I did to the first guy?, you wonder to yourself. But your friendship was much too precious to place at such a risk. So you move on, thinking that after taking the board exam, he'll be a doctor and you'll be...uhm...something else.

===================================

And then the third guy comes along. If you disliked the second guy, you HATED the third guy! He was a walking abomination at school! His hair is not the prescribed haircut, he never finishes his homework, he drinks, he smokes, he cuts classes, he talks loudly during class discussions, he cheats....oh~! you could write a whole novel of his atrocities~! But on one of those nights when you shared your 2nd heartbreak to your dorm mates, he decided to share his own sad stories to you. And you didn't even ask for him to share his story to you. You were just peacefully playing Pokemon when he decided to shout your name and DEMANDED that you sit beside him (in his bed that was designed for 1 skinny person) so he could watch you play Pokemon. Then he shared. He started with his broken family, how he misses his dad, how his siblings are achievers and the pressure that he feels whenever his dad compares him to them, how all his 2 girlfriends (each of 4 years' duration) left him without prior notice, and how we was bullied in high school. Despite the utter darkness of the room, you can sense he was silently crying. That's when you saw the real face behind the mask, the vulnerable kid behind the bad boy suit.

Needless to say, you were in love again. You loved how every day that you spend with him was like a new experience to you. You met new people, felt new experiences...and in one of your most depressed state, he was there. You abhorred smoking, you really did. But for some reason, on that night, when he offered one to you, you just weren't able to say no. He showed you the proper way to puff a cigarette, inhaling the nicotine-filled smoke into your throat, holding your breath for a few seconds, and then let it out in a single stream of gas. And after a few puffs, he complimented you. "You smoke like a pro in just after a few tries. You really are a fast learner.", he said.

Before that night, you were always the one suffering in silence, the one who would up all the tears and walk on ahead as if nothing happened. But on that night, when you puffed that cigarette like a pro, with him by your side, you felt unbreakable for some reason. Like, he would be there to listen to you, wipe all your tears, make sinister plots with you...he's the dark baron who would share your sins. And a stronger persona emerged, and you finally managed to say "The is back."

==============================================

You didn't do anything illegal. It was just all for fun. Although you both drifted a bit apart, you managed to stay in touch with him, going out every now and then to drink. Then came his birthday. He invited so many people, but so little showed up. And they left a bit after midnight. So you drank some more at another convenience store and talked about Final Fantasy Tactics, Tactics Ogre, Phantom Brave, and other SRPGs. Then you both decided that you would be Kefka (the crazy- clown villain)  and he would be Luso (the brave traveler in Final Fantasy Tactics, whose name sounds like the male ia in vernacular).  You both laugh at this until it was 4 a.m.  His mom was calling and so was yours.  You called it a day and he thanked you....sincerely.  He thanked you for sticking with him through the end, not just on this night, but on other nights as well.  You wanted to say "Why wouldn't I? I'm in love with you.", but you pushed the thought back and just smiled as he hailed a cab for you and gave you money to pay the driver. 

"Don't go riding public vehicles when you're drunk.", he said.  "I'm not drunk, silly.  I can hold my alcohol way better than you, just so you know."

"I know, but still.  Just take the money and get in the cab."

"Thanks..."

And so you rode the cab with that big smile plastered on your face.

(last part coming up..)