Warning: The following post consists of unadulterated opinions of mine. I may offend some people.

It's no secret that I always jump in an out of the Kpop fandom arbitrarily. The reasons vary, of course. Sometimes it's the fans and users on AFF that make me leave, and sometimes it's what the Kpop idols do that makes me feel disinterested. But lately, I've begun to delve into this weird comprehension of the Kpop fandom that I was a bit too blind to see early on.

1. To me, Kpop is a joke.
There was always this weird afterthought in the back of my mind when I spazz about Kpop. I always think, "Wow I am such an idiot." If I were a five year older version of me and I looked at what I do now, then I would definitely shake my head in shame. I act like such a silly girl and now that I'm 18 and going to college, I should begin to understand that this is too childish for me to deal with. I can't always spazz over Korean boys in colored skinny jeans and eyeliner and sequined tops in public. I am different offline than the Angela you see online working on posters for Tokki Berry. Offline, I am this serious yet fun-loving girl that goes out with her friends on road trips with the windows down, blasting music from A$AP Rocky or Drake. Online, however, I'm a Taemint who loves bright colors and updating Tokki Berry. I have two different personas, and Kpop is the major factor of one of them. Kpop is a joke to me. It's not something that I base my life on, and although it keeps me happy and occupied, it's not what defines me.

2. Only middle school and younger high school Korean girls like Kpop.
Of course, I'm generalizing that fact and though I don't have tantamount evidence to prove it, I still believe that Kpop is only worshiped by the younger or even immature generation. Many of my Korean friends don't even listen to Kpop as much as I do. And that's not because they're white-washed or Westernized. My Korean friends are still the FOB kind of Koreans, the ones that still stick to their Korean culture as sufficiently possible. My friends listen to American pop or if they do listen to Korean music, it's usually ballads from older groups like SG Wannabe or from underground rappers like Swings and Dok2. The Koreans that I do know that spazz over Kpop are, unfortunately, the immature ones. The ones that are little bit too superficial and "uncool" to hang out with. 

3. I don't even think I'm a Shawol.
If you read my profile here on AFF, I mentioned that I will always be Shawol. That's definitely untrue at this point. I admit, their "Dream Girl" Comeback definitely caused me to fall in love with Kpop again, but I can't say that I'm a devout Shawol. To be honest, the only members of Shinee I now give a about is Taemin and Minho. I really don't care about Onew or Key, and most definitely don't give a about Jonghyun. After Hello, Shinee started becoming really uninteresting to me. Like, what the happened to Sherlock? That was such a disappointment in my opinion. But I still supported them because I loved Taemin. If it weren't for him, I'd have thought that Shinee was just another SM guinea pig, singing the "experimental" music that SM was too afraid to give their other artists (except for f(x), of course, because they're just the girl version of Shinee). 

4. Kpop is just a creative outlet for me.
I realized that I'm not obsessed with Kpop. I'm obsessed with Tokki Berry, with writing fanfiction, with making layouts and stuff for people. Kpop is just a fandom that allows me to do all that. I don't like Kpop. I like making graphics for people. I like writing stories. Kpop is just the additional "ingredient" to all of this. They give me the characters I need to write a story. They give me the stories I need to make posters on Photoshop. I swear I wouldn't be this obsessed with Kpop if I didn't know how to make stuff on Photoshop or if I were a crappy writer. Same goes for One Direction. I wouldn't be so into reading One Direction fanfictions if I didn't get to read and write and make banners for 1D fanfics.

I understand that this is a depressing post, among all other depressing posts (the news that Taemin was going to be on WGM with Na Eun was just the catalyst that made me write this), but I just had to let it out there. I apologize if I may have offended anyone, but right now this is what I feel about myself. This blog post is most definitely not geared towards anyone in particular, especially the loyal fans of Kpop. I respect you guys. I just wish I had the same amount of love for my biases as you all have.