Hi all!

Thanks for clicking this link. Even if the advice I'm going to give doesn't apply to you, feel free to tell anyone you think will benefit from this. Firstly, I'd like to make a disclaimer. Obviously, I am not God. I cannot tell you how to magically make all your problems disappear but what I'm aiming to do in this post is inform you guys of techniques amongst other things that may be able to make life seem a little less stressful. 

So who am I and what the hell do I know? 

As lots of you probably know, I suffer from depression. It was triggered by chronic stress but my belief is that other factors such as friendship problems are what started it off so there, I know first hand what some of you are feeling. I'm also studying psychology at school so a few of my tips (and the more sciencey stuff) will be coming from things I've learnt at school. I'm currently on the rather rocky road to recovery but more about that later. 

Let's get started with what you really want to know. When I was thinking about this post, I had to ask myself- what would I tell my past self? Or rather, what would I tell my kids if they were going through the same thing. 

A lot of problems stem from our parents. Parents often have high expectations, especially Asian ones (trust me, I know about this) but their generation are usually quite unaware of mental problems. (I had to explain to them that no, my cousin cannot 'just eat and get better' because that's not how eating disorders work and that no, you cannot just 'get a grip' and be free from depression because it takes time to build up your strength). Back in their day, they were just getting televisions. The internet didn't happen until the 1970's. That's during our parent's childhood. So first and foremost, please do not blame your parents. It may be so so hard to see that they really do care. I mean, I thought my parents would rather I get into medicine school than be happy. I was severely wrong. You are their child. When you hurt, they hurt. If they're putting on unecessary pressure, they probably don't realise. Or they really want you to succeed. When its the latter, it's a little harder. 

It took me a lot of crying and yelling and threatening for my parents to turn around and wake up. But they have, and it's better. Of course, every child is scared of hurting their parents. Who wants to be called a disappointment? But you know, even when my dad calls me useless and he tells me he wishes I was one of those kids (the ones that do everything amazingly and are just perfect basically), I know he loves me. Parents are the only people biologically programmed to love you. Even if they tell you horrible things and make you feel like crap, don't forget it. Of course, yell back and get them to understand you but I'm telling you now, if you never tell them about your problems and how much its hurting you, in 20 or so years time, you'll look back and regret it. They'll find out and it'll break them that you weren't able to tell them. It's broken my mom knowing I've been suffering in silence for the past 2 years. You don't want to see your parents like that. 

Just as talking with parents can help, talking with friends can be even better. Firstly, it's so much less awkward, isn't it? I'm still more able to tell my friends things rather than my parents because they just get it. School mates know exactly what it's like because chances are, they might feel, maybe not to the same extent, a similar way. They'll be able to look out for you and pick you up when you need it most. They give you a reason to really want to savour life. Mine made me feel like I was loved again. I know that most of you will be girls and research has shown that we, as females, tend to talk through our problems with our support networks. Create your network now. Use your closest friends and don't feel like you're burdening them with troubles. Getting it off your chest is really a fantastic way of feeling a little lighter. 

Now there's another problem- what if your friends react badly? Boy, I know how that one felt. I was literally crapping myself when my close friend asked me if I was okay. I tried to bull something but she just stared at me and said 'tell me'. When you've got a problem, it can seem like everyone will judge you and make fun of you. I can't imagine what people would think if I told them straight away that I'm depressed. They'd probably think something along the lines of 'What does she have to be depressed about? Silly teenager.'. My friend however told me something that I've told so many people. She said: 'the people that judge you, aren't worth knowing.'

Okay so maybe you're a little scared. Scratch that, guaranteed you're a little scared. I know this is equally as nerve-wracking but sometimes, speaking to a counsellor can help. Does your school have that sort of facility for it's students? Most 'top schools' (meaning high pressure schools) will have one and everything is confidential. Talking it out helps. Honestly. My counsellor gave me the courage to go out and do something about my problems. My friends were the ones that gave me the courage to go to the counsellor. Think about how many people care about you. There are a lot. 

So that's tip number 1: TALK. Talk to parents or friends or someone that doesn't know you like a counsellor or even me. I don't mind listening to you guys if you feel there's no-one you can open up to. 

Tip number 2 is to EXERCISE. I know, it sounds so dull and dreary and like a complete pain in the but you must must do it. I can't stress its importance enough. When we suffer acute stress (so things like exam stress), our body creates adrenaline and noradrenaline. These hormones need to be used in exercise. Our ancient ancestors (I'm talking cavemen, those ancestors) had different types of stresses. Our daily stresses are things like 'do I have money for lunch?', 'have I done my homework?' and 'am I late?'. Theirs were 'am I going to get attacked by a bear tonight?' or 'should I go and hunt a deer or else I'll die from starvation?' Since our genetic makeup is still similar, we have something called the 'fight or flight response.' It's a psychology term that basically states that when stressed, we either 'fight' (so that's exercise) or we 'flight' (which is run away). It's in our DNA to run or at least be active. Dance those stresses away. Take up kickboxing to release anger. Run for a bit and get some fresh air. Exercise is vital for a healthy mind. 

I know lots of you guys who are stressed about studying will be sitting here thinking 'how am I going to find the time to exercise?' I was the same. I gave up my intensive swimming training to study more and look where it got me... There are 24 hours in a day. You can make time for just 1 hour of being active. Exercising gets blood and oxygen to the brain. Exercise then study and you'll find yourself more awake. You'll probably also be able to focus better and your grades will go up. Don't believe me? Check this out. (You can also show it to parents if they don't believe you).

Tip number 3: BREATH. Ahhh, breathing exercises are brilliant. They help calm your mind AND improve your grades. What was that? Breathing can improve your grades? Oh yes, I'm not even lying. You've just got to know which ones are good.

First I'm going to teach you one to destress. Try it if you like. Sit quietly with your legs uncrossed and your hands either in your lap or palms facing upwards. No need to be rigid- just be comfortable. I slouch like such a man and look incredibly unattractive when I do this but who cares. What needs to be done shall be done. As you are sitting with your eyes closed and tongue on your palate, focus on your breathing. Hear yourself. Feel the breath on your upper lip. Concentrate on a certain point in your brain and see it as a light. The point you should focus on is where, if you dropped a line down the middle of your skull, it would perpendicularly meet the point where your eyebrows would touch if you had a monobrow. Inhale for 8 counts and exhale for 4.

This exercise can be done before a test (my entire psychology class does it everytime we do a mid-term assessment, it's quite funny) or in the morning or in the evening or just about anytime. 

Another exercise I like to do in the evenings, just to rewind and relax is to lie down on my bed and feel myself sink into the mattress. Feel your muscles and limbs get heavy and focus on your fingers. Feel the blood pump around them. Feel every single toe. Feel your eyes sink to the back of your head. Breath the same way as above- in 8, out 4. 

The final breathing exercise is best done as soon as you wake up. It alerts both sides of your brain, getting you ready for a day of learning and school. This one is particularly useful for you guys dealing with school pressure and studying stuff. Place a finger on your left nostril and inhale through your right. Then place your finger on the right and breathe out through the left. Breath in through the left then change nostril and breath out the right. Inhale through the right and yeah, you get the point. By doing this, you send blood and oxygen to your brain which as said before, gets you up and raring for some good and proper studying. Aim to do this for 3-5 minutes in the morning and enjoy it. Relax and be calm. 

My last 'tip' is to try an eat 1 banana a day. This is only for those of you that really are depressed and cannot think of anything that will boost your mood. Depressed people biologically have low serotonin levels and eating a banana can boost those levels. However, don't try to boost your serotonin levels if you have anxiety. Those who suffer from anxiety have high serotonin levels and boosting them will only be detrimental. 

The last thing for me to say is something of the utmost seriousness and it's for my fellow 'jumpers'. I'm talking to those of you who have considered ending everything and I'm talking to those of you who have tried to end everything. Life is full of its ups and downs. Parents fight and maybe break up. We get bad grades and feel like the world is crashing down. happens but that's life. 

I've often thought about committing suicide to the point where I've made real plans in my mind (I'm very messed up, don't worry) so I know how some of you feel. You feel like nothing will ever go right. You feel like a failure and that no one cares. You wish to just disappear without a single trace and that no one will remember you. 

You couldn't be any wronger. When I was really considering it about a month or so ago, I ended up writing down the name of every friend or person I thought would care if I died in a bid to prove myself wrong. I was thinking irrationally and my thoughts were all over the place. I just needed something to get me thinking straight and since starting that list, I still haven't finished it.

The point is that there are people who will care. Every one of you has touched the lives of many hundreds of people. You were given the life you have for a reason: to make something of it. Why waste it? A rainbow only appears after a storm. I believe you're all worthy of living- otherwise God would never have granted you your life. 

You're all so so beautiful and I just hope you'll never forget it. Live and do the best you can. Be forgiving of yourself because your imperfections are what make you perfect. 

I honestly have no idea if this has helped anyone but if it has managed to get to at least 1 person and help them just a little then I think my job here is done.

I'm thinking of making another post just for those who are seriously thinking about committing suicide because it's a frightening world when you think you have no one to turn to. This post has mainly been focusing on stress and ways to deal with feeling under pressure. 

If there's something specific you wanted to know, feel free to ask and perhaps I'll consider writing up another one of these if I get enough replies/ questions. Maybe there was something you really wanted advice on? Whatever it is, you can tell me. Let it out. 

Remember: Talk, Exercise, Breath

'The past is history, the future is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.'