hey guys.

i'm alright, just so you know. not sure any of you even had time to notice i was gone.

so i'm sure, supposing you did notice, or are noticing now, some of you are curious as to why i deleted. i have a few reasons.

• i'd had that blog for two, almost three, years and people i knew in real life and from former fandoms still followed me and i just wanted a clean slate
• my tagging stuff was messed up (which sounds like a really superficial reason, but  when most of my earlier tags were either incredibly general, incredibly dumb, or hard to relate to my current fandom, it removed the ease of fandom blogging)
• while i had a lot of good memories and had made a lot of friends through tumblr, i also had a lot of unpleasant memories and awkward echoes of my former stupidity, which brings me back to the whole 'wanting a clean slate' thing. i had previous fights with people i now consider friends, and vice versa, and it was something of an annoying paper trail i wanted to get rid of.
• i'd -stupidly- developed feelings for someone on there that decided to walk away without any real explanation. i'm not sure what the problem was, and i do know they were dealing with some things on a personal level. but i am sure i cared about them more than they cared about me and it left me with a lot of stupid anxiety and i got upset and lonely really easily because of it. and i just wanted to get rid of all of that too, since it's the only way i felt like i could forget or get over it, without making a spectacle of myself.
• just generally, blogging in the state i was in was much less fun than it was stressful and anxiety inducing, and i tried taking a break before, but the only fail-safe way to do so was to delete my blog entirely.
• i really feel like tumblr had distracted me from things in my real life that i needed to face, my life which i needed to get together, among other things. so long as my blog existed, i would've made excuses and found a way to blog. it sounds pathetic, but i was a little bit addicted.

i realize that some of you probably like or care about me and i'm sorry to have left without any explanation, and i'm sorry if i worried anyone.

i may come back to tumblr, i may not. we'll see.

if you really want to talk to me, you can message me on here. i'm not really angry at anybody. i just needed to take a break.