130302
It's March, and maybe some time for reflecting and whatnot?
So it's already the third month into the year.
Three months less to prepare for O levels. :/
T_T I'm thinking into the future, again.
Maybe some of my friends have noticed that I've gone more angsty in real life.
My thinking is really complicated, so I'll try to simplify it, a little?
Okay, so bascially I went to a funeral.
My great-grandma's funeral. The worst thing about it was that I watched her die.
Even if I only attended a day of the funeral, there was enough angst to make me angsty for the next few days.
I saw my grandma cry.
And then I started thinking, what if, one day, my parents died?
At least my grandma had some form of a family to comfort her; she had many children and many grandchildren.
So what will happen when one day, my parents died?
I only have one brother.
Maybe my cousins, but that's it.
Would I be lonely? Would I be alone?
And then I went to think further in. Like the age and stuff.
And so I calculated that in approximately 50 years, my parents would leave me.
I would be only 50 or 60 years old.
And then I started thinking; what if I can't get married?
I mean, my mom always states marriage like a duh, of course you can get married kind of stuff.
But, with my brother and all, I've always found my future kind of impossible.
Even if I was to find, like, a suitable guy, he has to deal with taking care of my brother, too.
And I don't think the world has that many kind and understandable people.
(and he'd have to deal with my angst and sudden temperamental changes.)
So with all those in my head,
I guess I got really angsty and shiet and whatnot.
I'm sorry if I worried anyone, really.
Please don't worry anymore. I'm fine now.
I've started thinking optimistic nowadays.
I'm thinking;
rather than moping about what might be the future in 50 years,
why not change my life now
so that the future won't be the way I think it is?
Why not get a headstart now
so that the future won't be as gloomy as I think it is?
Everything is possible in the future.
It just depends on how you manipulate what you have now, isn't it?
Remember at the start of the year, I said I felt lonely being in class.
I guess it doesn't work anymore.
That time, I was just being stupid, and waiting for people to come up to me;
when I should be the one going up to them, instead.
I'm glad to say I might have found myself a group of friends in class.
And maybe some other friends, too.
My class wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. (overthinking, again.)
And then there's my bestfriends in school.
Those that would randomly stick lollipops into my hair for the heck of it (hey, it hurts okay D8<)
Hey, each and every single one of you, I'm sorry if I haven't been a good friend lately, okay?
Just cheer up and yeah, I'll always be there? It isn't a lie.
(I'm just a little too dense, really. >A>)
And yah, you guys with all the angsty statuses and what not.
Life is beautiful.
Yes, it may seem cruel and what, but it depends on the way you think, right?
There's always a bright side to anything.
Any, single thing.
Think on the bright side, and think of what we can do, instead of what we should have done.
Think of what we can do, instead of what might happen in the future.
(I sound reckless. e u e)
Argh, I don't know what I'm saying right now.
I'm just saying that each and every one of you reading this right now is important, okay?
I don't do the 'who's more important' . Everyone is equally important. c:
What am I saying.
I'm going back to play my game. o/
/slapped/
Comments