Un, I am because I make myself even more depressed.

These past months of my life happened to be too intense for me to handle and the result is me, a cigarette, T-Ara's 'Don't leave' (MY FAVOURITE SONG SINCE IT CAME OUT!) and crying every single night.
Seriously, I should stop being a fool and making myself more into my thoughts and bad feelings but ...

I lost my first real love in September and now that I know that he has a girlfriend I desperately want him back... So typical, so me, so miserable. I always want the ones that are not even reachable for me.
I miss his caring self, his kind words, him courting me, his touch, him being one with me.
I guess I loved him too much and got scared when I broke up with him. My hard mind didn't let me accept him getting closer to me again and now he is not available anymore.

I ended up smoking every day, cool me.

Anyway, if I'm sad my habit is making myself even more into that bad feeling with listening to the songs that reminds me of my biggest mistakes and precious sad thought...

Maybe I should do something that cheers me, but I don't know what would make me happy. I might end up searching smiling pictures of my biases. That would be typical too. Haaaaahh...