I am soooooo f-ing screwed!!!!

I hate this! I hate that I haven't been able to finish Lucifer's Butterfly for my readers and for myself!

I really thought I'd be able to at least get close to finishing it this summer! Instead, I haven't posted anything up in like two months!!! or more!!!

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!

I've actually been working all summer since my last post. At a sweat shop like company. No, seriously. It's pretty much a sweat shop. Just I (thankfully) get breaks. I am WAYYY overqualified for that job. So why do I work there? I get slightly more than minimum wage and it's *ahem. whispers* "under the table". I work there are weekdays and am gone for 13 hours of the day if you combine the work hours and the time of transportation. And then I sleep for like 5 hours. So that's 17 hours of no computer time a day. And then I'm exhausted after work which requires me to get up way too early during the summer at 5am. I'm a night owl natually so this killed my biological clock. I also work on the weekends at some other place as a cashier. So I literally work every single day. For like 95% of my summer.

And on top of all that, the dreaded WRITER's BLOCK! Which does not clear up at all when you're exhausted!

If that wasn't bad enough. I'm 90% sure I will not be updating LB for the next 4 months. 4 MONTHS! Why? Because I'll be studying abroad, and although I'll have internet access, I honestly do not think I'll be doing much writing. I'm there for language and culture and I'm not going to waste what little time I have in that country so that I may experience it to the fullest and make friends.

So now I hate myself for not being able to manage LB. I really feel horrible!

Honestly...I've considered abandoning this or taking up a co-author or letting somebody adopt it....
But....I'm selfish and stubborn and LB was/is my baby and although I can give another author the rough direction I was going in and the snippets of future chapters that I've already typed up that are sitting idly in a word document waiting to be gotten to in the storyline, I can't bring myself to hand over my story to another person...If this was a story I had started with another author from the very beginning, I'd be happy to work with them or hand it over. But Lucifer's Butterfly was all mine. Nobody but SHINee influenced me to start that and to see it veer off the path I imagined it to be on in the slightest would irritate me to no end.

But I'm just so busy.... And so very very tired... so tired... I'm so freakin tired...

*sighs and bows deeply* I'm sorry.

oh shoot....sighing makes your happiness go away....