Love can never exist as a single emotion. With it comes a torrent of feelings ... all the good and bad.
And right now, i don't know where these (negative?) feelings stand.
Loving someone comes with hurt. You give the person the right to hurt you the most, they say. Though this saying goes a little different for me. The kind of hurt that I'm feeling now is the hurt that was intended for him. But I can't help it ... I hurt for him.
I know it's natural for us to feel protective of the people we love. And I know you've all gone through this. When they hurt, you're willing to go to hell and back just to make sure that they would never hurt your beloved again. I was basically speechless for him. When he broke his news to me, I tried to act casual (though I know he knew me too well to believe my facade). I racked my brain for any rational thoughts to say. I thought of anything that would comfort him, that would make the blow feel less. And so I did my best. And it seemed like he was doing what I was doing as well for himself. So I tried to be this strong person for him.
As soon as I was able to be alone though ... I felt like I wanted to ... I don't know. It's just that I can't believe how cruel people could be. I know that there are a variety of personalities in the world, a diversity of moral universe... But still, it never ceases to appal me how people would go through lengths just to have things go their way, and how some people would be willing to assist them.
I was infuriated for him.
I wanted to defend him.
I wanted to because I know the truth. The Lord knows as well and so do the other people. But this knowledge doesn't give my heart the satisfaction it should have. I am looking too much at the damage, I know. But could you blame me?
I just needed to let this out because I can't do this anywhere else. Man, this . This is why I have privacy issues... -___-
My happiness in life is simple ... to see the people I love happy and healthy.
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