So I kind of hate a lot of things and am also very very paranoid...especially when it comes to relationships with people.

I don't know if it is just my imagination running wild, I just often feel very insecure when I meet new people. I'm really at socializing  and sometimes I force myself to act like other people just so that I can start a normal conversation. At the start it seems alright, but I end up running out of things to say very quickly...and in the end it's just awkward. Then I get all paranoid...and get this idea that maybe they don't like me and think I'm just this boring awkward girl who doesn't have the slightest idea as to what she is saying. Maybe they are just trying to be nice because they pity me. That it's all an act.

I also become very insecure when people see things that I am not prepared to show. Simply, I don't like it when people look over my shoulder and look at what I do. It scares me. I know that I should not pay too much attention to how people will see me...but somehow it still scares me. The thought that this person's image of me could change completely due to something that is not as bad as what everyone thinks.

I don't know... too tired. can't think. 

Will stop complaining and get back to my fanfic now ;)