This might serve as a diary.......

I'm a fool..... I just discovered it recently, i wish i discovered it a little bit earlier.... More earlier before i've done that, done the most stupid thing i ever did in my whole professional life.... Wait, is it even considered as professional? I guess it doesn't.... I'm fool yet the same time stupid... How can i even made that? To tell you, tell you that i'm atleast attrac-...... No, i can't, i can't even say it properly. It's a shame, a huge shame... A painful memory that i wish i can forget, to vanish out of my head..... And now, after so much thinking, i landed to a conclusion... A painful conclusion, i must forget those and get distance from you. I know now, know how much i humilated myself in front of you.....

I want to change it, to change what the stupid thing i've done but i can't. I wish i can invent something for it to vanish like that, like a single snap of a finger.... I have no chance, no chance from you. Since i know it, know that you already confessed. My instincts are right, you do have someone else... It hurts at first, when i first saw it but that was before. Now, i have no intention of involving myself to you, i already know what my position is, and that is a friend, a mere friend only....I totally get it now... Stupid, aren't i?.... Starting right now, i'll work hard to forget it so i can easily move around... I already humilated myself once and i'm not going in for the second time.......

*smiles faintly and drops the pen on the table; wiping the tears away and lean back against the chair, sighing deeply; closing the book* ..... "A fool"... *muttured softly and stood up, walking straight out of the lab; leaving the book lying on the lab desk*