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Title [3/5]

By reading the title, I can already guess that it’ll be somewhat cliché. But nonetheless, it attracts people because of its ‘Major Cutie’. They had been tons of story title contains ‘Douche Bag’, so it does not attracts the reader attention fully.

 

Description and Foreword [6/10]

So I figured out that the ‘Description’ is a part of the first chapter right? You were supposed to write the main plot of it, but not the ending as it’ll ruin everything. Second, you had a lot of grammar errors, but I’ll point that out at the given section. At the ‘Foreword’, you explain about the characters and also a little of the story. The paragraph after ‘More characters……..’ should be put at the ‘Description’ actually as it’s the plot right?

 

Poster/Background/Trailer [5/5]

I was really impressed, it was really cute and well cute. I’m not a graphic maker so I can’t judge much, but it really suits the story.

 

Characterization [13/15]

Luhan’s personality is well, yeah conceited, jerk and attention seeker. He loves to write diaries, which is rare for boys/men. It was well told and developed.

But as in for Mirae, you said she was rude and bad. But what you portray is not rude and bad, it’s just bad. Rude is when you don’t respect someone older/younger. She is just bad, from the chapters that you wrote and I read.

 

Plot [30/30]

You add some things which are rare for authors to put. And from what I read, the probably best part of it is when Mirae kicked Luhan’s so-called junior. Your plot is rare and I really loved it.

 

English [10/15]

You had so many grammar problems and run-on sentences. The more run-on sentences, the harder it’s to understand the plot. As my English is also not perfect, I can’t correct your mistakes.

 Just after a conversations end, put comma before (“) except after (?) and (!) You also should not use BIG LETTERS all the time, either bold it or add (!) at the end. Third, if you wanted to put (!) or (?), just put once.

 Not like this??!!! Or this?? Or even this!!! Why don’t you separate your conversations from the paragraph, it’ll look nicer. Don’t overused the alphabets like ‘sooooo’ or ‘dieeee’ and many more, just simply put ‘so’ or ‘die’.

 

And I also notices that you misused your. I’m gonna help you in this.

“Seriously? Your like the luckiest girl to be dragged by oppa!”

“Seriously? You’re like the luckiest girl to be dragged by oppa!”

 

So you use you’re in that kind of situation, we would use your in situations like below

“I thought you will be having your training?”

 

Flow [4/5]

It’s not rushed, but you can add more scenes to make her rude or bad. Other than that, stays with the flow don’t be to rush with it. It will only make the story confusing.

 

Comments from reader [10/10]

All of them seemed to love the story, but there’s also comments regarding to the Chinese words. I had to cut off some of the marks because she/he said you are using the wrong words. I love the story too, and you also has correct the Chinese words, I guess.

 

Overall Enjoyment [5/5]

I enjoyed it so much, it's so funny especially when she kicked Luhan's poor junior. Me gustah!

 

Extra Tips

1) You should credit yourself for the poster and BG as other people won’t credit you.

2) Get a beta reading/reader.

3) Leave more cliffhangers, but not in every chapters as it would only make the readers frustrated.

4) Proofread your story, just to check if there’s any grammar, vocabulary mistakes.

 

Grade B+

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