Review for "Paying the Price" for Literature Mused Reviews
Story Title: Paying the Price
Author: katananotama
Reviewer: Dhee-licious
First Impression
Title (5/5):
OOH! I like it! It gets me thinking, "What does that mean? What did she do?" It's hard to come across a unique title, so I applaud you for that.
Description/Foreword (10/10):
I think you're making things too easy for me, that description and foreword was very well laid out! You gave the description of the girl in the right place, and a sort of teaser in the foreword. That's a good way of putting things to let the readers know what's in store without giving away too much! It was really simple too, no change of fonts, which is easy on the eyes.
Poster/Background (4.5/5):
The poster was definitely the first thing that caught my eye, it's very captivating and it really shows that they are more than just some pretty boys. I love the lightning and practically everything else. So all in all, the poster is lovely! As is the background, but I'm one to prefer plain backgrounds so I don't get distracted when I'm reading. It's just me, possibly, but I found myself looking over at the background every so often. But that means the background maker did a good job!
Ability to Draw Readers (4/5):
I think you'd have no problem drawing readers in - I mean, I had no problem being drawn in. The reason I can't give you full marks is that there isn't that something that can draw in every reader. But, truth be told, you wouldn't have any problem drawing in many others!
Sub-Total: 23.5/25
General
Characterisation (4/5):
I loved her, the way she would get lost in her own thoughts - and I'd be feeling like I was doing the same - and then people would suddenly point out that she wasn't speaking or that she was doing something that she didn't realise. The boys were slightly more predictable, I would guess there would be the hot-tempered one, the person who tried to calm everything out and etc. It was still enjoyable to read them though!
Plot (10/15):
I definitely not expecting much, but it blew me away. Soon enough, I became curious every so often and I wanted to know what came next. When the cashier guy appeared, I was surprised. I actually expected her to be the one looking for Kikwang and all that, but I wasn't exactly surprised to find him looking over her. I did like how there was always something new around the corner. I can't give full marks because it's still unfinished but it's still pretty high because I can't predict what will happen in the end, even if I could, there would be all those events that happen in between!
Originality (7/10):
There are tons of gang stories out there, but I like your one! All the previous ones I've read were very typical, having that bad boy who doesn't care or a bad boy that does care. I like how Kikwang is actually a real softy, it's typical but it's nice to read. As I said, there are tons of gang stories out there but I like the little twist of your one!
Grammar/Spelling (19/20):
I think you have been the easiest person I ever had to mark on this section. In total, I actually only a few mistakes.
Your tenses in chapter one and two had some mistakes. Instead of "is" you had "was". It wasn't the case for everything but if you re-read the two chapters you'll see it. That was the only problem with tenses, everything else was spot on!
The other mistake was just on chapter fourteen, it's not really a big deal but I felt the need to point it out. It's just another case of proof-reading your work. You'll find this at the end of the chapter, it's roughly a two paragraphs up from the end.
“Aish, a girl’s hearts are easy to read.”
- I think this was just a matter of an extra letter. So it should turn out like this, “Aish, a girl’s heart is easy to read.” Or, if you were implying that he meant all girls' hearts were easy to read then it would be like this, “Aish, girls' hearts are easy to read.”
These were really the only things I ever saw as a mistake, but you can easily overlook that and sometimes you just need someone to look over your work because we tend to not see our mistakes.
Flow/Pace of the Story (5/5):
You had this down to a "T". I would never feel like I was lost or that it was too slow, you manage to put in the necessary detail which is very good! It's never a bore too, so that's a plus - you don't drag anything out.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10):
I actually enjoyed this greatly! I do feel like everything really began after her arrival back in Beast's hideout so I was slightly bored at the start but I enjoyed it nonetheless! I'll keep track of this story as I'm really satisfied with it! Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more!
Sub-Total: 54/75
Overall Score:
77.5/100
Reviewer's Thoughts:
Firstly, I'm sorry for taking so long with this. It's been very hectic for me lately, but I won't get into that. I really like this fic! It's wonderful to read and it's surprising to see it hasn't gotten many subscribers! I've already recommended my sister to read it, and I do recommend all of you other AFF-ers to read her story if you're a fan of Beast! I know you didn't make the recommendation list but it's still a great read and you are the only person I've given such a high score as of late! Keep up the good work!
Comments