I don't actually do this but yeah, for some reason I want to journal somewhere cause maybe 24 feels like a big deal after all. I don't know what to write down but hey i just checked the time i joined and i cant believe it has already been 9 years. oh how times have changed along with that oh how i have changed. 

i was so passionate about the simplest little things its crazy, holding the most random facts to the bigger concerns of the world. now i barely live by the hour sometimes even minutes, and i am not quite sure if i should be happy that i survived, to me survivng only means there is more to come and i don't know when will be my last straw. 24...what a weird age to be, so uncertain of what is ahead of me, mostly because i don't know what i am living for anymore.

also one thing i would like to point out, i am bad at maintaining old friendships...especially with my best friend and i am ashamed to admit i did shameless things, i acted superior, i do love her probably more than i myself know, but so much of my unwanted past is tattooed in her memory of me and i am embarrassed and ashamed. although she doesn't judge me for it, we were kids after all, i cant help but to think there are certain things that have molded her impression of me because of some things i did in the past. and this is obviously a me problem, so if it sounds like i am talking bad about her, it clearly isn't my intention. just that... i wish i could show only the good side of me. i don't know where i am going with this, i kinda lost track but yeah i miss her like i miss no one if that makes sense.

i do really miss my brother too.

again, now i am 24, I'm devasted.

i am on the verge of tearing up and idk why, random af

maybe its just the fact that i feel like something within me should change for the better cause 24 is actually a big age, maybe i am putting unnecessary stress on myself.i didn't know i was capable of doing that anymore.

also just one major concern of mine, i cant think about anything. i don't know where my thoughts begin and where it stops or drifts off. its just sad but i figured we wont be here for a long time kinda sooo i just tolerat with it. i wish i made a better choice tho, maybe soon.

so 24, lets see the weight off 24.\

dear me,

please take care of yourself, your body, your interest, what you consume in the media, what food you consume, what environment you are letting yourself in, all of that plays a vital role in making you happy and become someone better okay? 

i am kinda sleepy.

goodnight.