ARIES SUN, CANCER RISING, CAPRICORN MOON, ESFP, A CAT

 

“there’s something ’bout the way it’s like you’re running me over and over.”

“had your gaslight on, and you promised i’m the one who’s crazy.”

“you been messing me around till now, and i let you push me around till now.”

 

[ till now — banks ]

 

the petals attentive, observant, tenacious, passionate, straightforward, confident

competitive, sarcastic, the stem flirty, dreamy, stubborn

secretive, sensitive, moody, perfectionist, impulsive, self-loathing the thorns

 

misconceptions of thorn;

that he’s impatient; that he’s detached and cold; that he has himself under control; that he has his together; that he’s strong, impenetrable, untouchable

 

realities of thorn;

that he’s struggling; that he feels strongly; would benefit from allowing himself three seconds of vulnerability; prone to self-hatred; nowhere near as thick-skinned as he lets on

 

“the next time i’m opening up to someone is my autopsy” personified

 

the elaboration.

 

there’s something about thorn that drags other people into his orbit, snagging their attention like flies drawn to honey. maybe it’s the way he moves as though floating on the very air, maybe it’s the secretive smile that sometimes makes an appearance, as though he knows something the people around him don’t. he has an uncanny ability to attract and ensnare, to keep the attention of anyone who looks. there’s something about him that makes him enchanting, never quite letting anyone escape from his spell. 

 

who is thorn? 

 

the first impression someone would have of thorn is that he’s… well, docile. he seems soft at first, and maybe it’s just the softness of his features, and his quiet observation of those around him. he reads as demure, at that first glance; but once someone starts to dig deeper, they’ll find that the first impression is, in fact, wrong. 

 

it’s not that thorn is docile at all; rather, he’s quiet around people he doesn’t know. there’s a period spent watching, learning, and determining whether someone is a threat to him or not. he’s far from the type to easily open up to others, and he’s exceptionally slow to warm up to newcomers, no matter how harmless they may appear. he’s learned his lesson about people who seem harmless, and it’s made him into a rather cautious person, looking over his shoulder and trying to avoid things that would provide potential problems for himself. 

 

thorn is a watcher; he surveys his surroundings and knows what’s happening around him at all times, scanning rooms for danger and identifying all the exits and escape routes as soon as he walks in. but beyond that, he learns the people around him. thorn is skilled in the art of reading people, now that he’s abandoned the naivety of youth, and this leads him to often be the first to notice when something is amiss, be it with another member of reverie, a threatening situation, or an issue with his family. he takes note of everything that changes in his environment, whether it’s as subtle as a fake plant being moved two inches to the left or someone behaving abnormally. terrors that still haunt him have caused him to lose the reckless, carefree demeanor he once had—he isn’t the same person he used to be. 

 

thorn can often give off the impression of being someone impatient and demanding because of the way he often urges other members of reverie to practice more if they’re falling behind the rest of the group, and how he generally seems scheduled and put-together, the kind of person whose head would explode if the group was late—and while he is an impatient person to an extent, this stems from a place of love. thorn advises other members to get more practice because he notices that they need it, and he stays behind with them to help them get things down. he’s quiet in the way he attends to the other members, carrying extra water bottles for those who have forgotten their own, showing them how to break down tough footwork they struggle with, and even offering advice when it comes to their daily lives or inter-group relationships. thorn’s observational nature leads him to noticing the little things about his groupmates and friends, and he does little things to try and help. 

 

though his life may have been easy to begin with, it certainly didn’t stay that way. thorn has gone through some , to put it bluntly, and he came out the other side battered but still kicking. he learned how to take care of himself, to protect himself, and most importantly he learned to sink his teeth in and never let go, to refuse to be held back or held down, fighting toward his goals—be they success or refusing to lay down and take a beating when the bad times come. he’s a survivor, and he won’t let anyone take that away from him; when someone tries to make trouble for him, thorn will plow right through them and keep going. when something threatens to hold him back, he works around it, or he works through it. because of this, thorn has a reputation for being strong—his refusal to give in no matter the obstacle, even if that obstacle is an injury. he can work around it. he will work around it. he is determined, and he will not be stopped. 

 

always pushing to do more and do better, thorn is passionate in all things he sets his mind to. he’s an intense lover, and something of a workaholic; he has a powerful drive to become more, spending a large portion of his free time hard at work on one thing or another, be it vocal training or working on choreography or working around reverie’s dorm or helping out jellyfish trainees. he has a deep-seated love for his career, and a desire to always be the best version of himself that he can, and to be a good role model for his younger brother tai. he craves feeling whole, and in order to achieve that he throws himself into everything with the mindset of improvement, of striving for greatness—because if you don’t try, you will never achieve.

 

to those who get to know him beyond a first impression, thorn often comes across as cool, level-headed, the sort of person who has exceptional control of their emotions—or, perhaps, is less emotionally inclined than those around him. he carries himself with a quiet confidence, a self-assuredness that isn’t boisterous or boastful, but doesn’t give way to insecurities; and there’s something to be said for the way that other people often feel comfortable putting their trust in him, because thorn is many things, but he isn’t the type to tell others’ secrets or repeat rumors. he is confident, but he also deserves the confidence of others, and when he has it he won’t betray it.  

 

thorn presents himself as bold, fearless, unwilling or incapable of backing down from a challenge. he puts on a front of being strong, untouchable, like he cannot be hurt by words or intimidation tactics, like he’s surrounded himself with impenetrable barriers. he chooses to portray himself as someone with iron-strong self-control, hiding his own vulnerabilities behind a powerful shield. sometimes, however, this image he chooses to project makes thorn come across as more detached than anything—like he’s distancing himself from other people, keeping himself aloof and indifferent toward those around him. 

 

so long as the conversation doesn’t center around himself, thorn speaks bluntly and with honesty. he doesn’t have the time to waste to dance around a topic or go in circles. he’s direct, rather than trying to soften a blow or avoid having to say something as it is; he doesn’t sugarcoat or try to soften the blow of what he’s saying, but perhaps that’s for the best. sometimes, the cold hard truth is exactly what someone needs to hear, without the benefit of sweet words to take the edge off. and in those instances, thorn will absolutely deliver.

 

thorn is like a cat in that he is stubborn; and, of course, in that he only accepts attention on his own terms, and will hiss if someone annoys him when he’s had his fill of affection. determined to get his own way, thorn is unshakeable, unmoveable, and steadfast—and changing his mind would be about as easy as convincing a brick wall that it wants to pick itself up and move to a new location. once he’s made his decision, he puts his foot down and refuses to budge, even when someone rattles the proverbial treat jar. if he wants something, he will get it, and if he doesn’t want to do something, he won’t do it, and that is just the nature of life with thorn. he will not let anyone walk all over him, not anymore. 

 

though a person who leans toward helping others, the aries in thorn gives him a competitive streak—though he isn’t the sort to take it too far (or, at least, he tries not to be). thorn believes there’s something beneficial in healthy competition, be it between friends, family or groupmates; sometimes, it isn’t enough to push against yourself. sometimes, growth comes when there’s someone to grow with. when it comes to games and races, even when he’s outmatched thorn isn’t the type to back down; he enjoys the act of the competition, even if he might not be the victor in the end. so long as he, and whoever he competes against, give it their all, thorn will be content at the end of the day. 

 

thorn, as it happens, is a massive flirt, most frequently with the men. he has a nigh-unmatched ability to make someone’s heart throb or cause an unfortunate soul to have a full-on gay panic; he flirts as easily as breathing, never seeming forced, and very rarely seeming insincere. he’s capable of turning his charm on and off like flipping a switch, most often used for the amusement of reverie fans and the torment of other reverie members; though behind the scenes he develops a reputation of being a flirt and a player, born of the list of men he’s been known to spend time with, uncharitably called his harem. 

 

a daydreamer, sometimes thorn strives for things that others might not consider feasible; being an idol is a dream that seemed out of reach for a period, dragged down by a darkness from the past—and yet thorn still strived for it, clawed his way toward his dream until he found himself standing on the practice room floor at jellyfish entertainment. yes, he’s prone to what ifs and one days, but thorn doesn’t think that’s a bad thing; if he lost his dreams, he’d lose his reasons, and if he lost his reasons, he’d be dragged under and drown. 

 

but who is thorn, really?

 

thorn is someone who can never allow anyone to see his own weaknesses. taken advantage of in the past, dealing with the repercussions of bad decisions, he hides his vulnerabilities behind an outer layer of strength and a sharp, sarcastic tongue. he scoffs at others’ attempts to show concern for him, always with a quip or a sardonic joke on the tip of his tongue to deflect attention away from the real problem. his wounds are deep but he won’t allow anyone close enough to see them, believing himself unworthy and undeserving of that level of attention—and believing that his issues aren’t important enough to concern others. he chooses to hide beyond his outer layer, and when that fails, he turns to his sarcasm and wit to protect him from further scrutiny, for fear that one day the walls will come down. 

 

holding everyone, including his family, at arm’s length, thorn isn’t one for emotional expression. despite his outspoken nature in other instances, when it comes to himself, he’s reserved, distant. he allows those around him to know only the surface level, the thorn he chooses to show to the rest of the world, and keeps his own feelings under lock and key. because of this, the surface he presents is interpreted as detached and thick-skinned—though that really couldn’t be further from the truth. but he’s good at acting and he’s better at deflecting, at keeping his secrets his own; his closet is full of skeletons that he doesn’t want anyone to ever see.

 

it would serve thorn well to let his guard down, to let others in; but trust issues, solidified following the events that upended his life, make it impossible for him to open up to others. whenever he gets close to trying, something spooks him and he withdraws back behind his walls, unwilling to risk being treated like damaged goods or worse, damaged again. the petals begin to unfurl, and then they only curl together tighter—attempts to open himself up to others only serve to create more distance afterward for a time, where thorn wallows in his own self-contempt and berates himself for any attempts to reach out. he doesn’t need to lean on anyone; he can handle things on his own. 

 

it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the members of reverie know next to nothing about thorn and his past, even the family he comes from; he wants to keep everything to himself. his problems, the things he was put through, the ugly truth about who he is, who he was and what he came from. and whenever someone pries too hard at the lid he’s kept on that nasty little can of worms, rather than letting him start to open up on his own, thorn can feel himself losing any trust he may have had in that individual, whoever it may be. he doesn’t want to confront the darkness, the ugly truth, or see disappointment when the truth comes out.  

 

despite coming across as emotionally constipated, thorn is, in fact, rather emotional—but, as mentioned above, he’s good at hiding it. thorn is prone to mood swings, his emotions changing like the flick of a light switch. most frequently, when his mood changes he goes from a high to an inexplicable low—happy one moment, and then feeling like he’s scraping rock bottom the next. however, his lack of emotional expression serves him well here, because only those who have truly, deeply studied thorn can read when his mood switches. and, fortunately for thorn, there aren’t very many of those people in the world. 

 

maybe these abrupt switches in mood stem from his sensitivities; tough though he may project himself to be, thorn has always been thin-skinned, prone to emotional bruising—oh, he puts on a good show of laughing off the words and actions of others but deep down, ‘harmless’ jokes and pranks do cleave at him. it’s nowhere near as difficult to get to him as he pretends it is, internalizing every little word, every little action until he has a laundry list of problems to address. too prideful—and too afraid—to admit to personal weakness, thorn continues to read into everything and holds himself in a self-destructive cycle. he’s unable to admit to his own thin skin, to the fact that he will never be as strong as he lets on. 

 

prone to spontaneity, thorn often does not think things through before he does them; he makes rash decisions on the spot, rather than giving a moment’s thought to his plan (or, rather, his lack thereof). he would rather fall and scrape his knees than never take the jump. he isn’t someone to be easily reined in or controlled; thorn never quite feels free, but at the very least, he feels unfettered by some of the chains that used to hold him to the earth. getting piercings, getting tattoos, dyeing his hair are all things thorn would do on a whim—simply because he can, because there is no one who can truly hold him back—because he refuses to be held back from anything. 

 

at the heart of him, thorn requires perfection of himself—and nothing less is acceptable. his personal standards are extremely high, nigh-impossible to reach, and he puts too much weight in the words of others; even passing remarks, meant as playful or teasing, from other members of reverie or his family can drive thorn to be even more self-critical than he already is as a general rule. struggling with a lack of self-worth since he was in a relationship with someone who felt the need to keep thorn knocked down a peg, thorn strives for perfection in order to feel as though he holds value and as though he deserves the opportunities and achievements he makes. 

 

with each perceived failure, thorn raises his standards for himself a little higher, creating a pedestal of personal expectation he can never reach and feeling strong self-doubt whenever he can’t reach it. he seeks to be flawless, because then he will be irreplaceable; he’s blind to his own value so long as he remains human, and continues to make mistakes. 

 

as you may have gathered, thorn does not have a healthy sense of self-worth; extremely hard on himself to the point where he overworks himself and shuts out anyone who could potentially help him, thorn’s own self-hatred is just another thing he has gotten very, very skilled at hiding beyond barriers of sarcasm and the false, insensitive exterior. he hates what he came from, he hates that he was fool enough to fall into a web of lies, he hates that it has created complications when it comes to his relationships with other people; rather than blaming the root of the issue, thorn blames himself, as though he should have been able to see through a well-crafted facade when he was a naive teenager. he believes himself to be weak, and so he hides his emotions and his struggles behind thick walls and barbed words—thorn is afraid that someday, someone will see he isn’t what he lets on. 

 

 

BACKGROUND. 

 

[ everybody loves you — charlotte lawrence ]

 

thorn was born march 22, 1998, the second child of a rich thai family. their mother was a former dancer, and she taught all of her children to dance from early on; it wasn’t anything serious until they were three years old, but one of thorn’s earliest memories is of being bounced around on his mother’s hip while she danced around their kitchen. just as she had done with her daughter, and just as she would do with her second son. though moon’s interest in dancing would remain purely on the level of a hobby, both of her brothers would take to dancing and want to carve it into their careers. as thorn’s mother was a former professional well-versed in multiple genres, she taught him various styles from a young age. 

 

in 2004, thorn began attending a private international school in bangkok. this was where he would meet his closest friends, the first of them being liza ramirez, a loud and proud thai girl who had been adopted by spanish nationals before they decided to move to thailand. they were in the same class and quickly became close friends, liza being the louder and more boisterous of the two while thorn cheered on her antics. together, liza and thorn made the acquaintance of twins, pon and wat. they were in the same year as liza and thorn, but they were the youngest of the four, being september children in contrast to thorn’s march and liza’s april. pon and wat were the mischievous type from early on, sometimes switching places to trick their teachers and friends, though thorn and liza would learn how to tell them apart fairly quickly—but did they ever ruin their friends’ fun? no. 

 

thorn’s younger brother, tai, was brought home in 2005, the same year his mother enrolled him in actual dancing lessons. chompoo hadn’t been pregnant, so thorn was confused as to where the baby came from—he was seven, not an idiot, he’d seen pregnant women before—but when he asked, his parents seemed uncomfortable and made excuses rather than giving him a real answer. thorn asked them frequently as the year wore on, though, until his mother eventually promised to tell him when he was older—old enough to understand, she’d said wearily, leaning on the counter with tai cradled in her arms. and, for the time being, that had to be good enough for thorn, because if there was one thing he got from his mother, it was his stubborn streak. 

 

it was obvious from fairly early on that thorn was destined for the stars, beaming and glowing whenever he was dancing more than he did in his other activities. he held a deep love for dance, beyond his sister’s hobbyist enjoyment, and his parents wouldn’t be surprised later on when he approached them about auditioning for an entertainment company. in the meantime, they allowed him to continue to focus on his dancing so long as he performed well in school and didn’t allow it to cause him to neglect his friends or family. and so, as thorn grew older, he continued to sharpen and polish his skills, building upon the foundation his mother had built for him when he was small. 

 

2008 brought thorn’s family new neighbors, a couple from china with a son, biming. biming ended up also attending the same international school as tai, liza, pon and wat, and was quickly adopted into the group (which had begun calling themselves the bangkok squad) after thorn’s parents had pushed him to befriend biming and make him feel welcome. biming turned out to be a year older than the rest of the squad, making him the oldest, and he also turned out to be the most sensible and responsible of them. he grew to be one of the few people thorn would actually tell everything to, at the time—in their young and innocent youth, when the issues weighing on their shoulders were not so heavy—revealing every issue he had, the things that were weighing him down. he’d hide those issues from liza and the twins with a bright smile and a light-hearted quip, a foreshadowing of the person he’d become in the future, but when they were young, he trusted biming wholeheartedly. 

 

in 2010, thorn was approached by the representative of a thai entertainment company seeking trainees while he was leaving his dance class. a naive child with no concept of the horrors that waited for him, thorn convinced his sister moon to help him persuade their parents to let him audition. it took a little bit of wheedling, because his parents were hesitant due to thorn’s youth—but eventually, they caved, though they reminded him if he was accepted he would still need to prioritize his performance in school. gleefully, thorn attended the audition—and passed, becoming one of the company’s trainees. he settled into long nights and early mornings without complaint, balancing schoolwork and training with determination not to give his parents a reason to make him leave the company. he threw himself into improving his skills with all that he had, taking on all of the challenges and obstacles without complaint, even when it came to vocal and rap training, which were his weak points. 

 

(this was also the year his parents took him aside to tell him about tai. he was really thorn’s cousin, the son of his father’s sister, but his aunt had begged them to take him and raise him as their own. they hadn’t had the heart to refuse, worried she’d put tai up for adoption otherwise, and had adopted him so he would still be raised by family. they made him promise not to tell anyone else—especially tai—and with a pit of guilt growing in his stomach, thorn agreed.) 

 

training under red media, thorn met handfuls of other trainees. among them were future groupmates yai, tee, and seua. yai and tee were among the older trainees, and treated everyone like their chicklets, whereas seua was a couple years younger than them and more of a cool older brother figure than anything else. thorn, among the youngest trainees, was the recipient of many hair ruffles and headpats in those early trainee days, often dragged around and looked after by his elders. 

 

in 2012, red media brought in the korean trainees, a move intended to try and catch the attention of outside markets (and presumably enable promotions in korea, at some point). fourteen-year-old thorn came face to face with im jaeyoung for the first time. he was a korean trainee, but he had been living in thai for a few years and was semi-fluent in thai. he was a year older than thorn, and he was so charming… everyone seemed to adore jaeyoung, and thorn was certainly no different. jaeyoung caused thorn to come into the realization that he was gay, tripping over his feet and sprawling headfirst into a crush, shy and flushed whenever the older trainee would turn one of his sparkling smiles on thorn, a stuttering mess when jaeyoung tried to have a conversation with him. 

 

that same year, red media announced they would be debuting a seven-member boy group called 7th sin, a group of thai and korean members. thorn was to be one of the members, and jaeyoung was as well. yai, tee, and seua were also introduced as members of the project group, and two more korean members, soohyun and woojae. the group raged from 1992-1998 in age, with yai being the oldest and thorn the youngest. 

 

thorn was required to keep his upcoming debut a secret from everyone, family and friends included, though as the group began to prepare for their debut, thorn found more and more of his already-dwindling free time being spent with the other six trainees. jaeyoung in particular always seemed to find ways to take up his time, asking thorn to help him with a dance move he didn’t quite grasp or to walk with him to a specific place because he was ‘worried he would get lost’. too caught up in the butterflies and fizzing excitement he felt, thorn never questioned why it was him jaeyoung always asked, rather than one of the other members, particularly the oldest two—he followed jaeyoung’s every whim without question. he and jaeyoung were growing very close, and jaeyoung was the first member of 7th sin who was introduced to the bangkok squad—introduced as a fellow trainee, of course, not as a groupmate. the squad also seemed to be charmed by him, and that was one of the final nails in the coffin. jaeyoung treated thorn so well, and thorn’s friends—even biming, sensible biming—adored him.

 

it was only natural that thorn should fall in love with him, right?

 

[ perfect illusion — lady gaga ]

 

on april 17, 2013, im jaeyoung confessed to thorn on a walk. it seemed beautiful, light-hearted and romantic, when they became boyfriends—thorn didn’t know that it wasn’t going to last. he thought everything was going to stay beautiful. his stomach fluttered whenever jaeyoung texted him, and he was giddy whenever they were able to spend time together, even though jaeyoung wanted to keep their relationship a secret from their families, friends, and the rest of 7th sin for the time being. and, naively, thorn agreed.

 

the secrecy only lasted for around a year—yai walked in on jaeyoung and thorn kissing, and just like that, the secret was out to the rest of the 7th sin trainees. what followed—semi-reluctantly on jaeyoung’s part, which he chalked up to nerves—was jaeyoung meeting thorn’s parents and siblings (tai immediately made it clear that he despised jaeyoung, for whatever reason), and thorn meeting jaeyoung’s mother. they were only out to their closest of family members and friends, of course, though something in the back of thorn’s mind told him that jaeyoung was upset they’d had to reveal their relationship at all. there was a tiny, niggling voice that began to question if it was because of him—if jaeyoung was, perhaps, ashamed of him—though he didn’t have the nerve to ask. (he didn’t want to know the answer.) 

 

in 2015, 7th sin finally made their debut. they weren’t the most popular of groups—but they had devoted fans who attended their debut showcase and supported them in the time that followed. even if 7th sin weren’t the most popular, thorn felt that his life was perfect. he had a loving family, an amazing boyfriend, wonderful friends, and a close-knit group that was like a second family. despite how busy he was, he was still doing well in school, and he talked to the bangkok squad and saw his family whenever he had the chance. what more was there he could ask for? 

 

…of course, no one’s life is ever truly perfect.

 

thorn had been on cloud nine about his relationship for two years now; jaeyoung was the perfect boyfriend. everything was sunshine and rainbows, good times and smooth sailing. everything was going perfect. right? 

 

it started with the little things.

 

at first, it was jaeyoung nitpicking thorn’s schedule—the amount of time he spent practicing, the amount of time he spent studying, the amount of time he spent away from the dorm 7th sin shared. it flip-flopped between thorn practicing and studying too much, or not practicing and studying enough; every time thorn thought he had created a fine balance of his time, jaeyoung would pick at it again until thorn felt like he was on unsteady ground. and that first, tiny show of vulnerability, of willingness to please, was all the encouragement that jaeyoung needed. 

 

once jaeyoung knew he had thorn under his thumb, he progressed to the displays of jealousy—short tempered outbursts or passive aggression when thorn would hang out with the bangkok squad or, later, his siblings. then it was going through thorn’s phone—it’s not you i don’t trust, sweetheart—and getting upset at any messages he found between thorn and another male that wasn’t his father, brother or jaeyoung. that included biming, pon and wat… and sometimes even other members of 7th sin. it was only downhill from there, but the development was slow, jaeyoung easing into each new stage of his controlling behavior so that thorn thought it was normal. that relationships were meant to be that way—it made him apologetic, doing whatever he thought would make jaeyoung happy, desperate to please. thorn loved jaeyoung, and wanted to protect his feelings, not betray his trust and upset him. 

 

unfortunately, thorn’s willingness to cave to jaeyoung’s demands only served to make the situation worse. jaeyoung’s possessive nature grew, creating the first tiny crack in his perfect facade. he blew up thorn’s phone when they were apart and grew to dictate thorn’s schedule, but in subtle ways, so that thorn never caught on to how jaeyoung intentionally prevented thorn from using his free time to see his friends or his family. the rest of 7th sin were blind to what was happening—jaeyoung was too good at keeping his mask of the perfect boyfriend on when they were around other people—and it only made sense to them that thorn and jaeyoung would spend a lot of time together, anyway. they were in a relationship and they were young. there was no one in that part of thorn’s life to intervene, so long as it didn’t interfere with 7th sin’s group schedules or practice and training. 

 

this was the beginning of the end, and no one but thorn’s siblings and the bangkok squad really saw that something was happening—even if they didn’t know what it was. tai had never liked jaeyoung, and had always made that clear, and voiced his suspicions to moon and to thorn’s friends… though with thorn’s withdrawal came a myriad of excuses. for some reason he never mentioned that his time was being taken up by jaeyoung, instead lying about studying and practicing. biming and moon, however, knew that thorn was hiding something—but he waved off their attempts to get him to open up to them, telling them that they were reading too far into things and that nothing was the matter. and nothing was!

 

jaeyoung loved him.

 

[ change — banks ]

 

what had once started out as ‘the little things’ grew, and grew, and grew. possessive behavior grew into emotional and mental abuse. jaeyoung belittled thorn and put him down when thorn was doing something he didn’t want him to do, and rewarded him when he caved to jaeyoung’s whims. he manipulated thorn, using affection and gentleness and his own happiness as a weapon against him—you don’t want to upset me, do you? you wouldn’t hurt me like that, would you?—and worked to further alienate thorn from his friends and family. bit by tiny bit, jaeyoung was pulling thorn away from his support systems and knocking down the pillars that kept him upright. but even that phase—as bad as it was—only gave way to something worse. 

 

the hands that held thorn were no longer soft, and left bruises behind where fingers dug in. he was always careful to cover them, on his wrists, thighs, upper arms. somewhere deep down inside, thorn knew that those marks weren’t right, that they shouldn’t have been there—even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew there was no excuse for jaeyoung to yank him around like a rag doll. 

 

thorn and jaeyoung started to argue, and that was the catalyst for the further decay of their relationship. jaeyoung slapped thorn in the middle of an argument, halting his spiel about something jaeyoung had said. dead silence had swallowed them. thorn had been unable to form words, his fingertips brushing against his cheek as he stared at jaeyoung in shock—but then, of course, jaeyoung had been apologizing, promising that he had never meant to hurt thorn. he’d just lost his head, it would never happen again. he loved thorn, he just wanted to keep thorn safe and thorn wasn’t being sensible, wasn’t listening to him. it would never happen again. he kept promising it would never happen again, and thorn believed him.  

 

thorn didn’t tell anyone that jaeyoung had laid hands on him. when yai asked what had happened to cause the mark left on his face, thorn lied, and jaeyoung got away unscathed—though that moment served to raise yai’s suspicions that something was amiss. 

 

unfortunately, things didn’t get better from there as jaeyoung had promised. naturally, they only went further south; jaeyoung had realized that he could hurt thorn, and he wouldn’t face any consequences. throughout their relationship, thorn had always caved to whatever jaeyoung wanted, and now he’d even let jaeyoung get away with hurting him. jaeyoung might have promised that it would never happen again, but jaeyoung had already made a million empty promises—what was one more? 

 

jaeyoung found someone to focus his jealousy toward: biming. arguably, aside from tai, the male that thorn was closest to. and if there was a threat to jaeyoung’s hold on thorn, he presumed it would have been biming. so he voiced distrust—not in thorn, never in thorn, only in biming—and tried to sow the seeds of doubt, though it served to create tension between himself in thorn… and that tension led to an argument over thorn’s relationship with biming and how vehemently he defended his friend’s character. words turned into a physical altercation—jaeyoung slammed thorn against a cabinet, leaving a mark on his forehead that would scar. and in the aftermath, it was the same story. jaeyoung loved him, he’d never do it again, he was sorry. and thorn forgave him, of course, just as jaeyoung knew he would. 

 

(and when tee asked what had happened to thorn’s forehead, he said he’d tripped and ran into an open cabinet door.) 

 

the bruises appeared on thorn’s throat when he was eighteen. the fight had been a nasty one—thorn had gotten frustrated by jaeyoung’s jealous behavior and had argued with him about his friends again. jaeyoung’s hands left dark marks on his throat and thorn did his best to hide the evidence of his grip, wearing a turtleneck to dance practice despite the sweltering heat. though the other members of 7th sin, and yai and tee in particular as past witnesses of strange behavior, were concerned, thorn brushed them off and deflected their questions. he continued to protect jaeyoung, even if he knew—deep down, deep deep deep down beneath all of the gaslighting and his own desire to believe things would change—that what was going on was wrong, and that it needed to come to an end. 

 

jaeyoung’s anger and violent outbursts became so frequent that thorn would fall quiet if his boyfriend raised his voice or he got a certain look in his eye. most of the time, thorn tried to diffuse jaeyoung’s anger and knuckle under before things could turn nasty, but more often than not, jaeyoung hurt him—and then reminded him that it was his fault, because he wouldn’t listen, or he never learned.

 

and he loved him, he loved him, he loved him.

 

thorn repeated it to himself like a mantra, whenever he was taking care of another cut or bruise left by his boyfriend. jaeyoung always told him that he only did the things he did out of his love for thorn, but thorn felt hollow whenever he heard those words, or when he said i love you in turn. his body was painted with bruises and cuts that would scar over, things that would serve as permanent reminders of jaeyoung’s presence, hidden by his clothes whenever he had to stand on a stage or in a practice room, on a music video filming set. he pretended everything was fine, though his smile was beginning to dim and he flinched at slamming doors. 

 

was that what love was supposed to be? 

 

[ downhill lullaby — sky ferreira ]

 

through all of this abuse, thorn stayed with jaeyoung—but even he had a breaking point, and one day, he was going to reach it. he stayed when jaeyoung locked him in a closet for hours rather than letting him leave; he stayed when jaeyoung choked him, hit him, and cut him with knives to stake some kind of a ed up claim; but one day, it would all come to a head. thorn would finally stop forgiving jaeyoung—but to get thorn to that point, their relationship had to take another drastic turn. 

 

january 3, 2017. 7th sin were on a break period from promotions. thorn and jaeyoung were alone together. 

 

that was the day jaeyoung threatened thorn with a knife. 

 

it was the day thorn finally defended himself from an attack—spurred by a bone-deep terror that jaeyoung was going to kill him—and fled with a bleeding forearm and a deepened fear of the man he left behind, seething but wise enough not to give chase. at least not with a knife in hand. 

 

maybe jaeyoung thought that thorn would keep quiet as he had all of the other times. that he would make up another half-assed lie and refuse to make eye contact with anyone interrogating him about what had really happened—just as he had every other time jaeyoung had hurt him. but this time it was more serious—thorn’s arm had to be stitched up, and thorn, with shaking hands and fresh stitches, spilled some of the truth of what had been going on behind closed doors to moon, biming, and liza—and none of them were surprised, as one might imagine, following everything else they had witnessed. they tried to convince him to go to the police, or to at least tell his parents, but thorn refused.

 

stitches couldn’t prevent the scars left behind, physical or mental. 

 

while he was healing, thorn moved back in with his parents for the time being—7th sin were only allowed to visit him once, shortly after the hospital visit, when he was still reeling and hadn’t quite decided what to do from there. but moon, biming and liza kept jaeyoung from being alone with thorn, while tai sat beside his brother glaring at jaeyoung like a feral gremlin. (tai had always, always known better than anyone else—he’d known jaeyoung was a rotten apple. there was no way thorn could have fooled him about why he was home, with stitches in his arm and quaking like a leaf.) the members of 7th sin wished thorn to get well soon and went on their way, but none of them could have imagined that would be the last time they would see thorn as a member of their group. 

 

especially im jaeyoung, who was quietly seething. 

 

as thorn recovered, he knew what he had to do. he knew that he would never be safe—not so long as he was a member of 7th sin and jaeyoung had easy access to him. he also knew that he didn’t trust himself not to go running back to jaeyoung with another sweet apology or, god forbid, a threat; he knew now that he was terrified of his ex-boyfriend, and that he wanted to be free from him. perhaps thorn should have tried to accuse jaeyoung of his wrongdoings, and expose him for what he truly was, but he was scared, and he wanted nothing more than for it to be over—his involvement with 7th sin, his involvement with jaeyoung. thorn was going to leave the group. 

 

red media beat him to the punch.

 

it was never announced to the public. 7th sin disbanded quietly. the members’ contracts were terminated, and they were told to go their separate ways; red media’s girl group had been getting better sales and better reception in general, and when red media found out there had been an incident—even with the members only being able to give the vaguest detail about thorn having an injury—the company found it better to cut their losses and focus on the group that was proving to be an asset rather than a liability.

 

jaeyoung never stopped calling and texting, even when thorn changed his phone number twice, and thorn felt like the walls were closing in on him even though he was no longer tied to 7th sin, or contractually obligated to be in the same room as im jaeyoung—he was free to move on to other things, and he still wanted to pursue his dreams, but he didn’t feel safe, and when he confided that to liza, she made a suggestion he’d never forget. 

 

( “you want me to go to korea?! are you insane?!” 

“he’s never going to look for you there. and you’ll probably have better security.” ) 

 

eventually, thorn let himself be persuaded to continue pursuing the idol career within korea. in a way, liza was right—the last place jaeyoung was going to look for thorn to pop up would be korea. jaeyoung would likely not know thorn had even gone to korea until after his debut—if he debuted—and it would probably be some time after that, anyway. 

 

but thorn knew he would always sleep with one eye open.

LIKES.

⤷ one. piercings, both of his own and of others.

⤷ two. roses, which are his favorite flowers, in part because of their thorns. no, it actually has nothing to do with his name, contrary to popular belief.

⤷ three. pretty things (and pretty men). thorn isn’t afraid to admit he likes things that are aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

⤷ four. animals; cats, dogs, and bunnies specifically but he has a soft spot for most animals, especially small ones.

⤷ five. being left alone / to his own devices; as the members of reverie like to point out, he’s a cat, he likes to do his own thing

⤷ six. clothing robbed from his “harem”

⤷ seven. warmth

⤷ eight. jewelry. tends to wear a lot, between his piercings and the occasional bracelets and necklaces. fond of rings, but he doesn’t like thick, bulky ones; he’s more interested in slim jewelry.

⤷ nine. coffee

⤷ ten. 9muses

⤷ eleven. female artists in general. thorn’s listening style leans toward female artists over male artists, especially when it comes to groups.

⤷ twelve. summer. his favorite season! it’s warm, the sun is shining, things are growing.

 

DISLIKES. 

⤷ one. vampire movies (all monster movies). he thinks they’re lame. he also thinks his ex-boyfriend was more of a convincing monster flick than anything hollywood produced.

⤷ two. stalker films, slasher films, most horror films. he can't watch them because some scenes and incidents remind him of jaeyoung.

⤷ three. the cold. he has a low tolerance for the cold, he hates being cold, therefore he hates the cold.

⤷ four. winter. his least favorite season; it’s cold and it snows and then it’s even more cold

⤷ five. carrots

⤷ six. obsessive, possessive, and / or jealous behavior. jaeyoung was all three of those things and thorn can't stand being around people like him

⤷ seven. alcohol

⤷ eight. his hair being grabbed or tugged 

⤷ nine. knives

⤷ ten. opening up and talking to people. thorn would much rather internalize or talk about someone else's problems. if he ignores it, it will eventually go away, right?

 

HABITS. 

⤷ one. when he’s exhausted, thorn loses some of that prickly exterior and has a tendency to become touchier, seeking out other (select) members of reverie for a quick cuddle to absorb their body heat and drift into a half-asleep, soft state that is the closest to declawed that the group will ever see him. however, he has to initiate this contact, and any additional touch from his pillow must be verbally announced or else the moment will be gone and thorn's claws will be back out.

⤷ two. running his fingers through his hair

⤷ three. sticking his tongue out at people, usually other members of reverie, also usually when he's gotten his way

⤷ four. brushes his teeth minimum three times per day

⤷ five. stealing clothing from his “harem”, but particularly one mr. goo junhoe's clothing. later this evolves into him stealing clothing mostly from soohyun, and then once they hit exclusivity, only from soohyun. and then, eventually, from julien.

 

HOBBIES. 

⤷ one. dance, obviously. he's been doing it since he was a tiny child. it's been what he dedicated his entire life to.

⤷ two. cooking, but he only cooks thai dishes. he usually cooks for someone when he wants to apologize to them or they've had a rough day.

⤷ three. photography. this originated in his childhood; he used to take pictures of moon often, because he always thought his gorgeous older sister was destined to be a model. it later evolved into a deep-set love for taking pictures of people and things and he took a lot of pictures of 7th sin, his siblings, the bangkok squad. he's basically an insta boyfriend for reverie members.

⤷ four. makeup. thorn's really good at it and has been caught in 4k doing the members' makeup sometimes. the fans think it's cute, reverie finds it nice since thorn doesn't hiss or spit at them while he's focused on his work.

⤷ five. songwriting

⤷ six. choreography

 

FEARS. 

⤷ one. im jaeyoung, but that should go without saying; thorn thinks there will never be a time where he doesn't fear this man.

⤷ two. people like jaeyoung, with the same obsessive, possessive, and/or jealous tendencies.

⤷ three. knives, knives, knives

⤷ four. fruit 

⤷ five. being blamed for the things that happened with jaeyoung

⤷ six. having something similar happen / being hurt again

⤷ seven. small / enclosed spaces; results from the time jaeyoung locked him in a closet 

 

TALENTS.

⤷ one. stealing ur man

⤷ two. having no bones

⤷ three. making ur man have a gay panic™ 

 

SOCIAL MEDIA. 

⤷ official instagram. @gardenofthorns. he’s fairly active on instagram and posts a lot of pictures he’s taken of members of reverie or things that caught his eye, selfies, short dance videos, videos of reverie and also does insta lives with other reverie members (or alone).

⤷ private instagram. @thornddddai. this is his personal account and where he posts things just for the eyes of his family and closest friends. members of 7th sin used to have access to view this account, but thorn removed them—all of them—after the disbandment. reverie members do not have access at present, though perhaps after some time thorn will grow to trust them.

⤷ old instagram. @7thsin_thorn was the account from his days as a member of 7th sin. this account hasn’t been touched since the day before the fateful incident, but the account was never taken down, nor did he remove any content from it.

 

THORN'S FAVORITES. 

⤷ animal. cat

⤷ color. lavender

⤷ song. remember, 9muses

⤷ musical artist. 9muses

⤷ season. summer

⤷ food. pad thai

⤷ scent. roses

⤷ snack. pistachios

⤷ possession. jewelry box

⤷ ice cream flavor. neapolitan

 

THORN SAYS. 

⤷ one. “the fans think i know what i’m doing… i don’t know what i’m doing.” 

⤷ two. “i like things that are soft and sticky in my mouth.”

⤷ three. jokes here

⤷ four. “i’m not shaking. you’re shaking.” 

⤷ five. “hoes before bros.” “isn’t it bros before hoes?” “i said what i said.” 

⤷ six. “love is an excuse people use to hurt other people.” “geez, who hurt you—” “no one.” 

⤷ seven. “everything is fine, absolutely nothing is wrong.” 

⤷ eight. “hey, did… did... any of you see someone standing outside? i swear... someone was looking up at my window.” 

⤷ nine. when someone loses their temper at him “please don’t hurt me. i won’t do it again. i’m sorry.” 

⤷ ten. “the queen died.” “KYUNGRI?!” “wh-what—no, queen elizabeth—”

⤷ eleven. “it has come to my attention that someone mistook me for a heteroual. what, and i cannot stress this enough, the .” 

⤷ twelve. “pick up your water bottle.” 

⤷ thirteen. “clear your dishes, [member]!” 

⤷ fourteen. “daily reminder that remember is the best song of all time and i will take no objections.” 

⤷ fifteen. “i would sacrifice half of you to satan if it meant a 9muses revival.” “you’re—you’re joking, right—” “sure i am, sweetie.” 

 

THORN DOES. 

⤷ one. masterfully evades anyone’s attempts at sneaking up on him, touching him, tickling him, or grabbing him

⤷ two. sits in odd places and positions, then looks at people like he’s daring them to comment 

⤷ three. casually does the splits in the middle of the floor while texting, reading, or on the phone 

⤷ four. flirts with men

⤷ five. 9muses choreo in the hallway while waiting for literally anything

⤷ six. yeets away at the sight of a knife

⤷ seven. yeets away at the sight of a fruit 

⤷ eight. throws it back at every chance he gets

 

THORN'S FANS (+ A FEW REVERIE MEMBERS) SAY. 

⤷ one. “thorn is gay.”

⤷ two. “if thorn is afraid of fruit, why is he so fruity?” 

⤷ three. “he knows.” 

⤷ four. “thorn: making reverie gay panic, one member at a time.” 

⤷ five. “thorn’s a cat. if he fits, he sits!” 

⤷ six. “save reverie from thorn 2k22.” 

⤷ seven. “my bias doesn’t have bones, apparently.” 

⤷ eight. “not only is thorn short, he’s short-tempered.” 

⤷ nine. “save thorn from reverie 2k22.” 

⤷ ten. “who hurt thorn” 

⤷ eleven. “thorn’s sad boi hours are open again” 

 

SCHEDULE. on days when the group members do not have obligations/pre-existing schedules.

⤷ weekdays. wake up at 6 a.m., get dressed, brush teeth. eat a light breakfast, brush teeth. go to the dance studio, practice practice practice. break for lunch at 12 pm, brush teeth. interact with the other members, back to the studio at 3 pm. practice or work on lyrics + choreographies until 7 pm, break for dinner, brush teeth. chat with bangkok squad and his siblings. potentially talk to some of his “harem”. return to studio at 10 pm, stay until 12 am, back to the dorm, spend time with any of the members that are still awake (if he's in the mood to humor them), brush teeth, shower and sleep.

⤷ weekends. far less scheduled, more for him rather than for work. weekends that they don't have activities scheduled are the days thorn spends either with someone from his “harem” or doing his own thing (both on saturdays) or hanging out with the members (which is what he reserves his sundays for).

 

VIBES LIKE. 

⤷ one. a climbing rose overtaking a wall

⤷ two. waves crashing on a stormy beach

⤷ three. deserted roads at midnight under the streetlights

 

TRIVIA.

⤷ one. among thorn’s many talents is avoiding touch. he’s an expert at knowing when someone is nearing him, and even better at detecting when someone is about to touch him

⤷ two. thorn mostly listens to female artists, as mentioned above, and he’s just not that into boy groups. usually, the male artists he listens to are soloists

⤷ three. when thorn sees a member of reverie / basically anyone with a knife he turns around and leaves the room. sometimes this makes him hard to cook with because he runs away when anyone else has a knife, but if he’s allowed to do the knife-wielding it’s fine

⤷ four. privacy is extremely important to thorn and he would probably kill someone if they dug around in his belongings without his express permission

⤷ five. he keeps extra piercings and jewelry in a jewelry box that was a gift from moon after she found out he was going to debut with 7th sin. it’s currently his most prized possession because of the sentimental value behind it

⤷ six. thorn can’t sleep without wearing a hoodie, even when it’s sweltering hot

⤷ seven. he wears jackets and long sleeves in summer; it started as a way to hide his scar and even now that he has his sleeve, he still does it out of habit more often than not

⤷ eight. thorn has nightmares about jaeyoung. there are times that he wakes up in the dead of night screaming, but he never explains why when he receives concern from other members of reverie and tends to shrug it off as though nothing happened. other times, he has nightmares where he can’t make a sound and just thrashes around until he wakes up or someone wakes him up.

⤷ nine. he uses rose-scented body wash and shampoo, because he can

⤷ ten. reverie often say that he “hisses and spits” when he doesn’t want to be touched, like an angry cat getting ready to claw at them

⤷ eleven. he would say his ideal type is someone gentle-mannered, who his little brother gets along with

⤷ twelve. thorn can and will bite anyone who tries to cover his mouth. it’s a reflex; he doesn’t even think about it, he just chomps

⤷ thirteen. though it might surprise members of reverie to find out, because jellyfish will undoubtedly lean more into his vocals, thorn is also a rapper. this is because he was primarily a dancer + rapper in 7th sin rather than a vocalist. he’s fairly rusty—but thorn could get back into it

⤷ fourteen. bruises very easily and has a fairly low pain tolerance, and yet he put himself through piercings and tattoos

⤷ fifteen. adores flower crowns

⤷ sixteen. damage and trauma were probably the biggest hints to things thorn had went through that he could have written, but of course thorn doesn’t bother to explain the story behind the songs or their lyrics to reverie

⤷ seventeen. he cries when he’s in pain, but that’s about the only time reverie see him cry until he begins to wear down

⤷ eighteen. if anyone raise their hand at him, even if it’s in a playful manner, thorn will flinch away and probably start apologizing for whatever comes to mind, shrinking in on himself and probably trembling the entire time

⤷ nineteen. he keeps cute little cat charms attached to his phone case and his keyrings

⤷ twenty. despite liking makeup, he prefers not to wear makeup on their off days, because that’s his time for lounging around and not having to be thorn the idol. sometimes he might pop on some eyeshadow or something small like that, but for the most part he goes around bare-faced. why not, he has great skin

⤷ twenty one. he doesn’t like a mess and will either clean up after other members of reverie or nag at them to clean up, depending on what mood he’s in

⤷ twenty two. thorn doesn’t really smile, not anymore. most of his smiles are small and reserved, not the wide, bright things they used to be before 7th sin, before jaeyoung

⤷ twenty three. he likes to write lyrics when it’s raining, because it helps him get in that mood and stay focused

⤷ twenty four. when asked where his inspiration comes from, thorn often deflects or just says ‘this and that’ and refuses to elaborate 

⤷ twenty five. thorn’s already disillusioned about the idol industry, and he doesn’t hold any glorified ideals about it. he’s well aware that things aren’t going to be as sparkly as they seem on the outside, and he’s prepared to deal with it. he’s already been down this road before, after all. 

⤷ twenty six. if someone loses thorn in a crowd, all they have to do is play 9muses and wait for the screaming

⤷ twenty seven. if he wasn’t an idol, thorn thinks he’d be a choreographer, or perhaps a dance teacher

⤷ twenty eight. he loves 9muses, of course, but he’s also a big fan of alexa, 4eve, clc (rip), waii, tsunari, pam anshisa, exid, mamamoo and twice

⤷ twenty nine. kyungri could step on him, and so could any member of mamamoo

⤷ thirty. he’s too disenchanted by the pricetag to buy spotify premium, but he sometimes complains about spotify ads and limited skips 

⤷ thirty one. yes, despite coming from a wealthy background, thorn isn’t fond of needless spending

⤷ thirty two. thorn hates it when people try to monopolize his time; again, something that stems from his relationship with his ex, and the way jaeyoung would try to control him and his schedule 

⤷ thirty three. thorn will absolutely hate sacrifice and his storyline in the reverieverse, for—well, obvious reasons 

⤷ thirty four. thorn is nearsighted and has to wear glasses or contacts, or else he can’t see  

STAGENAME. star. in the beginning, thorn let reverie believe that he’d picked a random stagename (because star seemed rather random, and he never explained it). after a period of being questioned about his stagename, and seeing fans question it as well, thorn eventually revealed he chose star because his sister’s chue len is moon and his brother’s name arthit means sun, so he is the star to their moon and sun. what he doesn’t also explain is that he felt the need to use a new stagename, because he used thorn as his stagename while he was a member of 7th sin.                                                                                                                    스타

PERSONA. thorn is absolutely known for being the flirtiest member of reverie, regardless of whether he flirts with the members of the group, members of other groups, interviewers, fans or anyone else unfortunate to cross his path. no one is safe.                                                  the flirt

POSITIONS. main dancer, lead vocal, potentially sub-rapper, lyricist

TALENT TWINS. 

DANCE thorn has been dancing since he was a literal baby; his mother danced with him on her hip, danced him down the floor when he was learning to walk, raised him from cradle to independence to be a dancer. it practically runs in his veins, gifted in various genres after his upbringing, unmatched by many other dancers in the industry with talent groomed from infancy.                                                                                          nct's ten

VOCAL though not the strongest of vocalists in reverie, thorn can certainly hold his own. his voice has its own unique flavor, easy to pick out of a song, and he can carry a melody while dancing. he’s worked hard to improve on his vocals since leaving 7th sin, and it shows.                                                                                                         nct's ten

RAP probably something of a hidden talent, since i see jellyfish leaning more into his vocals—his stronger talent, between vocals + rap—but thorn was the lead rapper of 7th sin for the duration of their promotions. he’s still capable of rapping, though perhaps not as well as he did before.                                                                                       nct's ten

PERFORMANCE insanely strong as a performer, thorn is able to embody whatever concept is put on the table before him. he’s definitely an eye-catcher when it comes to stages and group choreos alike.                                                                           nct's ten

SPEECH similar to his vocals, thorn has a very distinct speaking voice, somewhat higher in tone with the slightest hint of a rasp on some words. he’s a fast talker, especially in thai or english, and he’s not extremely loud, but not quiet either.    nct's ten

TRAINEE YEARS. 

2010-2015. trainee under red media (thailand) 

2015-2017. idol under red media (thailand), member of 7th sin

2018-2019. trainee under yg (korea)

2019-2022. trainee under jellyfish (korea)

 

TRAINEE LIFE. the first five years of thorn’s life as a trainee were spent in thailand, in a relatively new entertainment company that had only recently opened its doors. there, he focused primarily on dance with a secondary focus in rapping—though he attended vocal lessons and practices like all of red media’s trainees, the rap trainer at the company took a special interest in his rap tone and worked with thorn frequently to prove his skill in the field—he called thorn a diamond in the rough. 

 

two years into his stint as a red media trainee, thorn also had to juggle his dance, vocal and rap practices with language lessons. following the introduction of their korean trainees, red media made their thai trainees attend korean lessons as part of their training (while the korean trainees were attending thai lessons). this was in preparation for debuting a fusion group that red media hoped they could promote in korea, once the group was off the ground and had gained some traction in thailand. 

 

three years later, thorn was debuting as a member of 7th sin. the group had been training together for the past three years, and had formed strong bonds in that time—thorn viewed them, with the exception of jaeyoung, as his brothers. their inter-group relationships were strong in the beginning, though some of them began to fray as jaeyoung showed his true colors and started manipulating and mistreating thorn. yai and tee were the first members to raise their suspicions, though soohyun also caught on rather quickly (but the damage was done).

 

in the almost two years that they promoted together, they released four title tracks together. they were about to begin preparations for their first actual album when the incident occurred, and the group was forced to disband—silently. there were no statements, none of the members said anything, they all silently removed 7th sin from their instagram accounts or, in the case of thorn, left their instagram accounts untouched. following his recovery, thorn allowed himself to be talked into moving to korea. yg was the first company he found audition information for, so that was where he auditioned first and was ultimately accepted as a trainee. 

 

the years of korean lessons provided by red media, two years of living with native korean speakers, and four years of dating a native korean speaker served thorn well when it came to his training. he was far more fluent in the language than other trainees and even company staff expected him to be, able to hold his own in conversations and understand what was going on around him from his first day in the building. he continued to cram and study during his training, however, working to balance his training schedule with calls home and long hours spent studying the language. it brought back bittersweet memories of study group with the other future members of 7th sin, when they’d all overtake a table at a local cafe and crack open their books together. but now, thorn was doing it on his own, without anyone to bicker with or steal highlighters from.

 

and maybe that was hard, but that was how it had to be. 

 

that was where thorn met junhoe for the first time—but that’s a story for later. 

 

thorn’s trainee period at yg wasn’t a long one, cutting ties with the company in 2019. he had to go back to thailand to draw lots for whether or not he would have to complete military service—it was the year he turned 21—and when he was one of those who did not have to do military service, he returned to korea and auditioned at jellyfish entertainment instead, where he was accepted.

 

thorn spent the first several months of his trainee period at jellyfish emotionally distanced from the other trainees. he focused on his training—falling back into a rhythm that he’d briefly gotten out of in the time between 7th sin’s disbandment and his move to korea. but after working at training—and later performing—for seven years, it wasn’t hard for thorn to get back into the swing of things. training was taxing, of course, but thorn more than kept pace with the other trainees, especially when it came to dance practices. but in everything that he did, he strained to improve, be it something he struggled with in terms of his vocals or something that might have caused him to struggle in dance training. 

 

slowly, over time, thorn began to interact more with the other jellyfish trainees, whether it was to have brief conversations about practice or to offer a piece of advice in regards to dance practice. he gained something of a reputation among the other trainees for being blunt in his critiques, but not unkind; but on the same note, for not being the friendliest of the trainees. and thorn was fine with that. no one had to think he was friendly for him to exceed in training. and, after all, no one there really knew him. they only knew what he showed them.

 

so he showed them a surface, and that surface stayed. 

 

over time, trainees came and went. thorn met new faces, and saw familiar ones depart from the company, but throughout all of that, he maintained his distance and his defensive barrier, the tough projection like a wall that kept other trainees from seeing to the heart of them even when they did grow closer together. he became likened to a cat, rather than someone who was just unfriendly, by a select handful of other trainees, but the majority of his peers continued to perceive him as cold, and thorn was content with that. 

 

if no one saw his weakness, no one could hurt him.  

 

 

PREDEBUT. 

⤷ red media. member of tpop group 7th sin

⤷ jellyfish. dance videos released as a trainee, choreographed or freestyled by thorn: coco chanel, taki taki, humble, lovely (with justice lee in place of winwin). these were all released under his stagename, star.

 

 

FORMER GROUP. 7th sin

STAGENAME. thorn

POSITION. main dancer, lead rapper, youngest member

 

MUSICAL VIBE. if you want to know what kind of music they released during their short stint as a group, this song would be pretty much their vibe (the group was loosely, very loosely, inspired by three one six). i’m too lazy to pick out an actual discography for them (and also not going to subject you to that), but tarara definitely would have been their debut song or something in theory. also no it’s not just me throwing my first thai pop group around. (because of them i fell and couldn’t get up.) 

 

so, in short, 7th sin were more on the noise music side with heavy focuses in rap and choreography. dancing was one of the group’s overall strengths, with rap being a close second. vocally, they weren’t a weak group but they weren’t exactly shilling out ballads to showcase the vocalists’ strengths.

 

OTHER MEMBERS. 

⤷ yai. yai kamon somsri; leader, main rapper. 1992. 

⤷ tee. tee winai kulawanit; main dancer, rapper. 1993.

⤷ soohyun. moon soohyun; main vocal. 1994.

⤷ seua. seua wattana charoensuk; lead vocal, lead dancer. 1996.

⤷ sky. park woojae; main rapper, dancer. 1996.

⤷ jae. im jaeyoung; lead vocal, rapper, visual. 1997.

 

IMPORTANT DETAILS. 

⤷ one. their tpop wiki page says that fans assume they quietly disbanded sometime in 2017, because no information regarding the group has come out since then. thorn’s debut in reverie is considered a confirmation of that theory. 

⤷ two. following the disbandment, yai went on to pursue a normal life, graduating from university with a master’s degree in mechanical engineering. tee started working with a dance studio and later became a choreographer at lit entertainment. soohyun returned to korea to work at his family restaurant. seua signed a new contract with red media and debuted as a solo artist in 2019. woojae stayed in thailand until he graduated from university and then returned to busan. jaeyoung returned to korea in 2019 and became an acting trainee, making his acting debut in 2021.

⤷ three. seua might be a flat earther. 

⤷ four. their group name came from the seven deadly sins, but red media dropped the concept (with the members being assigned a sin) before their debut, keeping only the group name. 

 

RESIDUAL FEELINGS. it’s important to know that thorn, first and foremost, doesn’t blame any of the other members of 7th sin for what happened—with the exception of jaeyoung, and himself. thorn always thought of the group as his family. to some extent, he still does. though he may have been the one who cut off all contact with the other members and disappeared off the face of the earth, thorn finds himself still missing them, and the bonds they had with one another, to this day. he tries to bury those feelings, though, because dwelling on 7th sin for too long brings up thoughts of jaeyoung, and thorn has tried to quell those every day since 2017.

 

and yet it isn’t that simple. 7th sin will always be part of thorn’s history—a large part of it. he spent seven years with some of them, five years with all of them, sharing the same space and mostly the same experiences, training and living and studying together; they helped each other up when they fell and they were one another’s shoulders to lean on when things were tough in training or in their idol lives. they were the sort of group that created close-knit bonds—and perhaps that was one of the reasons red media had them prepare for their debut for three years—versus the kind with a coworker relationship; they were friends, family and it just isn’t that easy for thorn to bury the memories and stop thinking of the days he spent with them. if everything that had happened with jaeyoung hadn’t come to pass, thorn thinks he’d still be with 7th sin, standing in a practice room in thailand, preparing for their next comeback, or standing on a stage with them somewhere.

 

but that’s not the reality he lives in.

 

he doesn’t regret leaving 7th sin; or, rather, he doesn’t regret that the disbandment came to pass. not with the circumstances that surrounded it; not when that was what made his decision to leave jaeyoung final, something that couldn’t simply be smoothed over by his ex-boyfriend. not when that—and subsequently, not having to come face to face with jaeyoung again—kept him from falling back into old habits and forgiving him as he had too many times before. it saved thorn, in a way.

 

but sometimes, in the practice rooms, with the squeak of dancing shoes on the floor, surrounded by a handful of other boys that aren’t the ones who he grew up with, listening to the laughter and the chatter and the whoops of relief when practice ends, or when the group finally gets something that was causing them difficulty right and it’s perfect, thorn feels that melancholy—a hollowness inside of him that it would feel wrong, in a way, to fill with new relationships. it isn’t that there’s not a space in him for reverie—there is, someday, when those walls finally come crumbling down—but there’s always going to be a space that he keeps for five members of 7th sin, and the memories just keep being dredged up.

 

thorn feels guilty, sometimes, for missing them when he has a new group now. he should be focused on reverie, right? he shouldn’t have the time to reminisce, doesn’t have it to waste on the memories of yesterday. he’s not the same thorn who stood in dance studios in bangkok, listening to yai and tee nag him for the scrapes and bruises on his knees from practicing for too hard and too long. he’s not the same thorn who stood on stage with seua and woojae and soohyun, chest heaving from exertion but his grin blinding, riding an adrenaline high. he’s not the same thorn, and he needs to remember that. to put it behind him. 

 

but he wants. 

 

…and maybe it’s not even to be back with 7th sin that he wants; maybe, behind all of those walls he’s been so careful to put up, what thorn really wants is to have a bond like that with reverie. maybe there’s a part of him—a part he’ll never address, that he’ll never admit to having—that wants nothing more than to feel like reverie is a family, is his family; like he can call them his brothers, link hands with them and walk the same path without worrying about what lingers in the shadows or what might hide behind someone’s gentle smile. maybe he craves the safety, the solidarity; but to get there would mean to be known, and thorn is reluctant to show anyone the ugliness he’s kept buried inside of him for the past five years. 

 

…but maybe it is. not to be a group again—thorn knows, deep down, that he’d never do that again. but perhaps it’s the friendship, the brotherhood with the members that he misses; teasing yai and tee about their ages, playing pranks on seua with woojae. or, at the very least, to be able to speak to them again—thorn knows it’s a selfish thought, that he was the one who cut off contact with 7th sins members; that horrible little voice that reminds him of all the bad things he’s done tells him he’s burned his bridges, and they wouldn’t want to speak with him again. and honestly, thorn believes it—at least, until he comes face to face with soohyun again. 

 

but that’s a story for later. 

 

 

HEADLINES. these might be elaborated out of order, depending on how you arrange events in the story, but!!! that’s perfectly fine, these are just written out as i actually thought of them bc i’m a chaotic  

REVERIE'S STAR IS PRIVILEGED. sometime after debut / true, not really a scandal but creates a buzz / after reverie’s debut, netizens began talking about how thorn came from a rich family in thailand and therefore was privileged; some accused him of having bought his way into the group, and others picked out how it seemed like he was “sweeping it under the rug” and trying to hide it. the net buzz around this mostly consisted of those critical of thorn and reverie saying thorn was trying to act like he wasn’t from a rich family, and thorn’s fans (and people with braincells) pointing out that things would be worse if thorn was flaunting his family’s money and being reckless. the conversation shifted over time to the fact that thorn seemed  rather down to earth for someone with an abundance of wealth, with some frugal behavior picked up through conversations had by reverie members on shows and lives. this didn’t have a huge impact on thorn’s career, but as time goes by there’s still the occasional whisper of favoritism and him buying his way into the group every now and then. 

STAR BOUGHT REVERIE'S FIRST WIN. after reverie’s first win / false, just a rumor, ignored by the company and group / yes, you read that right. the return of the comments about thorn’s rich background came in the form of a rumor that thorn bought reverie their first win. it was, of course, not true and when thorn first heard of this rumor, he sat in semi-shock at the fact that there were people who actually believed that he’d bought his group their first win, rather than attaining it through their fans (as they had). 

REVERIE'S STAR USED TO BE AN IDOL BEFORE. at some point after a reverie comeback / true / thai fans reveal that thorn used to be a member of thai pop group 7th sin and this information made its rounds, was added into his fanmade profiles and so on. it wasn’t a big deal, not like it was a scandal or anything, but for thorn it was—bigger than it should have been. 

REVERIE'S STAR AND ACTOR/SOLOIST IM JAEYOUNG ARE FORMER GROUPMATES. in the midst of comeback promotions following reverie running into jaeyoung / true / same concept, different topic. jaeyoung’s solo debut and the information that reverie + jaeyoung’s promotions coincided with one another more than once were the catalysts for this conversation coming up. once again it was the thai fans who provided the information that jaeyoung had also been a member of 7th sin, and the news spread through the reverie fandom. pictures were dug up from the 7th sin days of thorn and jaeyoung together in thailand, and just like that, there was no going back. 

REVERIE'S STAR SHUTS DOWN RUDE COMMENTS ABOUT RYUNG. a couple years into reverie’s career or so / true / finally, a wholesome post. during a vlive, thorn reprimanded commenters who were comparing the group’s main dancers and making disparaging remarks about ryung. he scolded them for being rude about his groupmate and praised ryung’s skill and dance style. there were fans who criticized thorn after the fact for criticizing his fans’ conduct, but there were also fans who were, naturally, proud of thorn for standing up for ryung. 

 

 

FUTURE. 

⤷ lyricist. writes songs for reverie (and, possibly, for groups outside of reverie). his writing is credited to klahan daicharoenkul (thorn is dropped because only given and surname are used for crediting thai creators.) 

— damage orig. exo ; thorn wrote this song, as one can imagine, about jaeyoung and the lingering feelings he has about their history. the anger and fear have never left, and this is how he chooses to vent it. 

— trauma orig. exo ; this song was written shortly after damage. thorn started working on trauma about two weeks after finishing damage, when he realized that he couldn’t get the memories or fears out of his head, that he felt like he was being watched and followed, and he kept waking up with nightmares. both trauma + damage were received with jokes—from fans and members—about who hurt thorn?, and thorn would laugh along. 

— poison orig. vav ; this song was written about various feelings, though most of them were centered around jaeyoung just as damage and trauma were. originally thorn wrote this song in english, but later rewrote it. 

— bad dream orig. exo ; this song was written because of his nightmares, things that always seemed to frequent him at least twice a month, but usually more and with growing frequency after meeting soohyun again and starting to think he saw jaeyoung places. 

— baby don’t stop orig. nct ; throw taeten dance twins at me and i will cry and this is what will come of it. a break from the typical lyrics he was writing, simply to try and wave off any potential concern that may have arisen.

— disaster orig. monsta x 

— black out orig. cix

— destroyer orig. monsta x

⤷ vlog series. starts a vlog series (on the group youtube channel) where he speaks mostly in english and thai and films content that’s usually writing, dance, food or member-related.

— films vlogs on rainy days when working on a new song; lots of ambience and aesthetic lighting and coffee consumption

— films random wanderings with other members of reverie (think johnjae’s ikea adventure) but especially ryung / julien 

— sometimes films vlogs when he’s cooking, usually featuring him chasing one of the other reverie members out of the kitchen with a spatula in hand 

— occasionally films dance practices — nothing that provides spoilers for anything reverie is working on as a group, usually little freestyle dances or covers he’s been working on, sometimes dragging ryung in with him 

⤷ dance shows. participation in dance shows; maybe something like hit the stage 

⤷ dance mentor. could be a dance mentor/coach/judge on a survival show, either in korea or in thailand; i think that would suit him. 

 

 

DISCOGRAPHY SUGGESTIONS. hala hala, wonderland, say my name, nightmare, venom, cerberus, scar, summer breeze, ego, slow dive, wings, go, rpm, enough, fall in love, echo, dreamer, tear drop, photograph, midnight road, limitless, d.o.a, mad city, mad dog, 458, stupid o’clock, rewind, bystander, damage, trauma, poison, bad dream, baby don’t stop, disaster, black out, destroyer, no manners and i had to save some for my other kids if i end up submitting them

FAMILY BACKGROUND. thorn grew up in a filthy-rich thai chinese family in bangkok. though thorn knows he has merit, and his parents didn’t pay his way into reverie or 7th sin, he knows that the rest of the world might not see it the same way. thorn knows the kind of rumors that can circulate about idols who come from money, and so he did his best to contain information about his rich family throughout his trainee days and in the early days of reverie. he very rarely spoke about his family or his background—in part because of the complications that would arise if he were to accidentally bring up 7th sin—but the truth has a funny way of coming out, and thai fans of reverie released information about thorn, from his wealthy family and his private school background to his former group, 7th sin.

 

UALITY. it’s not just his uality in the sense that he’s gay that thorn has to worry about hiding (although that, in and of itself, is already enough to ruin his career if it ever came out). there’s also the struggle of his promiscuity. even if his lovers were women it would be an enormous scandal for an idol to be revealed to be sleeping around with so many people. thorn takes extra care to cover his tracks and not be discovered as actually sleeping with the male idols that he is “friends” with. (it helps that a lot of them are legitimately his friends.)

 

THE HAREM. the group of male idols nicknamed “thorn’s harem” range from members of 3rd generation groups to members of 4th generation groups and solo artists. they’re men thorn forms friends-with-benefits relationships with, notable names (aka thorn’s favorites) being ikon’s june, monsta x’s hyungwon, pentagon’s yanan, kang daniel, sf9’s hwiyoung. thorn’s not entirely fond of them being called his harem, but he just rolls his eyes about it for the most part. chances are if he’s sneaking out of the dorm, he’s with one of these men (or soohyun). 

 

junhoe is the longest-standing member of “the harem” and set up a list of rules for the others to follow, some of which are common sense and some of which he learned through trial and error: do not call thorn sweetheart. don’t touch him without permission, don’t get behind him, don’t sneak up on him, don’t hold him from behind. tell him he’s pretty. don’t take pictures of him without his express permission. do not take any explicit pictures of him. don’t call him yours. if he asks you to do something, do it (within reason).

 

thorn pretends he doesn’t know about the rule list, but secretly appreciates it.

 

IM JAEYOUNG. thorn knows how it is looked at; men cannot be abused. his worries go beyond a revelation of his uality and the storm that would follow; there’s a can of worms that would be opened if it ever came to light, even to the other members of reverie, that jaeyoung abused him for years and that thorn just took it laying down. he doesn’t think he could handle anyone saying that he brought it upon himself, just as jaeyoung himself would say; he’s worked so hard to keep his abuse from being known, and to keep his vulnerabilities quietly locked away, and he’s tried to convince himself that everything is going to be fine. jaeyoung is in korea—he knows that—but he’s an actor now and maybe, just maybe, their paths won’t cross. 

 

and at first, it really seems that they won’t cross paths. after all, reverie are idols and jaeyoung’s an actor and nothing brings them into one another’s orbit at first.

 

but since when has thorn ever been that lucky?

 

he encounters jaeyoung again, and it goes a little something like this: 

 

jaeyoung’s acting has been going well, and he releases a solo single to sort of segway into idol promotions as well. thorn’s blissfully unaware of this, having been busy preparing for reverie’s new comeback… but unfortunately, jaeyoung’s solo debut stage and reverie’s comeback stage are on the same night. thorn misses it, at first. he’s distracted by something another member of reverie says as they’re coming offstage after their performance, and he actually laughs for once—it’s a rare occurrence and he’s riding a high that’s about to come crashing down as soon as he composes himself, looks ahead and—they make eye contact—im jaeyoung is standing in front of him, looking scarcely any different than the last time thorn saw him. jaeyoung steps toward them, but fortunately reverie are whisked away before he can speak to thorn.

 

(thorn can feel the slide of jaeyoung’s eyes over him as reverie leaves, the way his skin crawls and his body begins to tremble, unbidden.) 

 

it feels like things are starting to crumble. thorn tries not to, but he cries in the van on the way back to reverie’s dorm. he tries to stay quiet—tries to hide the shake of his shoulders and his trembling hands as he wipes away terrified tears, trying his damnedest to be subtle about it. he doesn’t want reverie to witness his breakdown. that strong exterior that he’s spent so long working to perfect, tumbling down around him because he’s still so afraid of his ex, even if five years have passed since they’ve been in the same room. 

 

(time doesn’t heal all wounds.) 

 

the nightmares thorn suffers from grow worse, become more frequent, often waking other members by screaming in his sleep. he starts jumping at shadows, constantly looking over his shoulder, more agitated after dark, afraid to ever be alone but afraid to ask for help, to explain what’s wrong. he feels as though someone’s watching him again, following him again. he stops going to the studio by himself, having to be accompanied by another member—where once his alone time was highly valued, now he seems terrified to be by himself. he’s always with someone—be it other members of reverie or someone like junhoe or soohyun. during promotional activities he sticks to the other members like glue, afraid that if he’s away from them the beast will sink its claws in and he’ll be unable to escape. because of the nightmares, he begins to sleep less and less. 

 

their promotional cycles are closely synced. reverie’s backstage after another performance when thorn steps out of their dressing room at the wrong time and suddenly jaeyoung is in his space, the two of them alone in the corridor. thorn’s frozen, his heart jackhammering in his chest—he feels like he’s pinned to the wall even if jaeyoung isn’t actually touching him. he can feel himself shaking as jaeyoung gets closer, reaches out like he’s going to touch him, his knuckles grazing against thorn’s cheek—suddenly thorn can’t breathe. it’s like he’s trying to cry, but he can’t remember how to breathe. he’s panicking, a door swings open somewhere, and suddenly jaeyoung’s out of his space, playing the gentleman again but thorn can’t pay attention to that. 

 

jules is in front of him, trying to help him through the panic attack. and when thorn can remember how to breathe again, only he and jules and reverie’s leader are in the hallway. thorn can’t stop crying, ugly sobs wracking his frame as he wraps his arms around himself, sitting on the floor of a hallway when he should be gathering his belongings and preparing to go home with the rest of reverie’s members. he’s vaguely aware that he keeps babbling apologies, until reverie’s leader gathers him up and a fresh wave of tears overwhelms thorn because he wants to reject the touch, but he’s just so tired and he leans into the embrace instead. 

 

it’s a distinct difference to the person thorn has been for so long, hissing and spitting at anyone coming near him. there’s a crack in those walls he had put up so carefully. he feels like he’s shaking apart, and he can’t stop it. 

 

“what was that?” reverie’s leader asks when they get back to their dorm, and thorn stares at him for a long time. thinks about telling him—

 

then the walls come back up, and he says, “i got a little overwhelmed.” 

 

somehow, he survives through the rest of that comeback’s music show promotions. he bumps into jaeyoung again, but this time they’re not alone—julien is with him—and though jaeyoung smiles, thorn can’t help the shivers that run down his spine at the ice in his gaze. but he makes it through the promotions, and he doesn’t give anyone the explanation they’re waiting for. 

 

(it’s a familiar mantra. everything is going to be just fine.) 

 

and then the information about thorn and jaeyoung both formerly being members of 7th sin comes out, through thai fans of reverie. old pictures of thorn and jaeyoung resurface, from the days of performing with the other members of 7th sin. holding hands and hugging each other, the time jaeyoung put him in a headlock for dumping a water bottle on his head. and just like that thorn feels like the rug has been snatched out from under his feet: it feels like everything is out there in the open. thorn was in a group before. thorn and korea’s current actor sweetheart know each other. there are words at the back of his throat that won’t come out, attempts to explain before the other members of reverie can put two and two together but at the end of the day thorn still can’t bring himself to tell the truth. it’s not a scandal; their fans think their friendship is cute. people didn’t know they were dating back then, and they certainly don’t know they’re dating now. still, thorn’s afraid. he’s afraid jaeyoung might decide it’s worth it to go down in flames if he takes thorn down with him. 

 

(if jaeyoung jeopardizes their careers, it’s not like anyone will believe thorn’s side.) 

 

but jaeyoung doesn’t, and that’s a small blessing. 

 

the damage has been done, however. thorn’s on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. he sees shadows following him everywhere and he’s particularly jumpy with the other members of reverie, waiting for them to interrogate him about 7th sin and jaeyoung and what had happened at that one performance and it’s too much. thorn finds out that reverie fans are shipping him with jaeyoung based on those old pictures and one moment on a music show where it looked like he was smiling over at his ex—he was looking at a member of his “harem”—and thorn’s not sure whether he wants to laugh or cry, because now people are shipping him with his abuser. 

 

(everyone knows that fans will ship anything. it’s not like they know, anyway.) 

 

thorn’s not sure if that makes it better or somehow makes it worse. 

 

what jaeyoung does do is somehow acquire thorn’s number. thorn’s not sure what possesses him to answer the call from the unknown number—he usually ignores those calls, but this call is one he answers. maybe it’s an accident; maybe he swipes on the wrong side of the screen, maybe it’s because he’s still drowsy, half-asleep—whatever the case. standing in the bathroom with a towel draped over his arm, about to shower, he swipes at his screen, the call connects and a familiar voice comes through. at first thorn’s unable to speak, then he cries, then he shouts, then he cries a little more and then he shouts himself hoarse while someone knocks on the bathroom door—it’s locked, thorn always locks it—reverie are in the dorms but thorn doesn’t stop to think about that because he has so much to say (“i hate you, i absolutely ing hate you, so just leave me the alone! you hurt me, you broke me, you ruined my life and you don’t get to just do it all over again and i despise you, jaeyoung!”) and he needs to get some of it out before he remembers how much he’s afraid of him.

 

reverie hear a thump when his phone hits the wall after he hangs up. thorn slumps to the floor and succumbs to the angry tears that have been prickling at his eyes. distantly, he hears julien asking the other members to clear out for a while and that sends panic through him—he’s angry and he’s tired but he doesn’t want to be alone—but once the door shuts he hears shuffling on the other side of the door and the irrational part of him is afraid it’s jaeyoung, even though he knows better. 

 

“can you open the door?” julien asks. 

 

thorn stares at his phone, where it lays on the floor. “do i have to?”

 

there’s some more shuffling, a gentle joint crack, and thorn can see under the crack of the door as julien settles on the floor. “we can stay like this, for a while. if you’d rather.” 

 

“...yeah.” 

 

ever so gently, something shifts. 

FIRST MEETING. the first time thorn and junhoe meet, thorn’s a trainee under yg entertainment and junhoe’s, well, a member of ikon (of course). it’s after ikon’s love scenario promotions, and it’s after thorn’s had a chance to settle into the swing of training under yg—and it goes a little something like this: 

 

thorn’s sitting in one of the practice rooms. 9muses’ remember plays quietly in the background, a song thorn could sing in his sleep. he’s not singing along, though; there are papers strewn around him, an open pencil bag propped up against his thigh, a highlighter in one hand and a textbook cracked open on his knee. his lips are moving, slowly sounding out the words on the page in front of him. it’s still difficult for him to read, sometimes—he forgets some of the rules of hangul, or misinterprets a combination of letters, and sometimes it can be frustrating. 

 

the music is quiet, and thorn’s voice is soft, and there’s nothing to drown out the sound of the practice room door when it swings open. briefly, he glances up from the paper he’s marking with a yellow highlighter, and makes eye contact with none other than koo junhoe. 

 

“uh,” junhoe starts, furrowing his brow, “do you always study in the practice rooms?” 

 

thorn pushes his glasses up a little higher on his nose, sits up a little straighter and stares back at junhoe, unblinking. “do you always barge in without knocking?”

 

“...i’m late to practice.” 

 

thorn looks at junhoe, and then at the closed door behind junhoe, and then he looks back at junhoe with a raised brow. “doesn’t look like you’re going to practice, so you can’t be that late.” 

 

“maybe i want to practice in this room.” 

 

thorn shoves his paper closer to the mirror wall, and scoots after them, pulling the pencil bag with him. “go ahead,” he invites, “don’t let me stop you.” 

 

they stare at each other for a long time, as though daring one another to back down—which neither of them are willing to do, naturally. junhoe fishes out his phone and drops his bag, like he’s actually going to take thorn up on his challenge, but then the door opens and hanbin appears to wrangle his wayward groupmate, and their standoff is broken. thorn doesn’t think much of it, and goes back to studying. 

 

DEVELOPMENT.

 

[ you’re y i’m y — eric nam ]

 

somehow, that strange stand off in a practice room causes thorn to become someone that junhoe remembers. the next time idol and trainee cross paths, in the hallway of the company building, junhoe asks him if he’s planning to study in the same practice room again that evening. 

 

“sure,” thorn replies easily. “if someone doesn’t barge in again this time.” 

 

wouldn’t you know it, junhoe barges in while thorn’s studying. thorn knows it’s not an accident this time—he just doesn’t know why junhoe’s there. but instead of starting a back-and-forth about the practice room, this time junhoe sits across from him—a safe distance away, not close enough that they could touch even if they both strained to reach one another. 

 

“what are you studying, anyway?” junhoe asks. 

 

“korean,” thorn replies.

 

“i could help,” junhoe suggests, and while he seems sincere… 

 

…thorn squints at him. “do you even know my name?” 

 

he can’t help but snort at the expressions that flit across junhoe’s face, as though he’s wracking his brain for the name in question. taking pity on him, thorn finally tells him, “it’s thorn.” 

 

somehow after that, a pattern forms: one of junhoe barging in, unannounced, on thorn in his studying sessions, things that thorn had already gotten used to doing alone. junhoe points out the mistakes in his pronunciation and writing, blunt in a way that thorn himself finds familiar. junhoe also cracks jokes at thorn’s expense—“you’re small enough i could probably fit you in my pocket, you know”—and though thorn bristles at them at first, he slowly grows used to them, rolling his eyes or quipping back with something pointed about his companion. junhoe also fills him in on the latest why yg rants he has saved up, and… thorn can feel himself relaxing in increments, even if he sometimes snaps threats at junhoe’s kneecaps when the height jokes carry on. 

 

the distance between them on the practice room floor grows smaller and smaller, until junhoe’s sitting beside him. he doesn’t try to touch thorn—not since the first time, when thorn reacted poorly—but there’s something about the proximity that’s different. thorn doesn’t let people get close to him, and yet somehow, there’s this idiot who rants about yg or mocks thorn for being short or acts like the human embodiment of an overexcited puppy whenever thorn throws him a proverbial bone in the form of a tiny smile at one of his dumb antics. 

 

then thorn’s not sure how it happens or who leans in first, but it’s october and he and junhoe kiss on the floor of that practice room—their practice room, the one that they always meet in. it’s quiet when they part, until he clears his throat—

 

“i’m not sure that was a good idea.” junhoe’s worried that he’s crossed a line—thorn reassures him that he doesn’t mean the kiss, not really, but he’s not looking for a boyfriend… and beyond that, there are probably cameras in the practice room and he doesn’t really know how smart it was for them to kiss there.

 

“i’m not looking for a boyfriend, either,” junhoe grins. “and yg can themselves, for all i care.” 

 

they don’t call their relationship friends with benefits, but they don’t call it dating either. they’re not exclusive, even if they sleep together sometimes and they sit in empty practice rooms and snark at one another, rather than thorn actually studying—the studying has become a pretense, and half the time, thorn doesn’t even open his bookbag anyway—and they kiss each other sometimes when they’re away from prying eyes and the dangers of cameras. they’re stealing little moments together, away from ikon and the other trainees respectively, and it’s just a friendship. 

 

that’s all it is. 

 

[ always here — tilly birds ]

 

2019 rolls around, and thorn has to fly back to thailand to draw lots and see if he has to participate in military service. he’s unnaturally somber when he meets junhoe in their practice room, telling him that he has to leave—and that he’s been thinking of leaving yg on the same note.

 

“will you come back to korea?” 

 

“if i don’t have to complete service. i’ll come back after, if i do.”

 

“i’ll see you then.” 

 

it’s a promise junhoe keeps. they meet up again when thorn comes back to korea—not in their practice room, they’ll never meet there again, unless by some misfortune thorn finds himself back in training at yg. (not something he’s planning on.) but it’s not long before the lightness is dampened by hanbin’s departure from ikon. thorn’s there for junhoe in the fall out, not entirely sure how to console him but he tries anyway. 

 

through thorn’s trainee days at jellyfish, he and junhoe maintain the same sort of relationship they had before, but without the same convenience that came with their practice room meetings. they’re careful not to be caught, of course, but it’s not uncommon for the two of them to meet up in secret and to text back and forth often.

 

then thorn’s debuting as a member of reverie, and once he steps into the idol world, there are more options on the table, so to speak. their relationship still isn’t an exclusive one—they’re still not looking for boyfriends, or so they say—and thorn dabbles in the options. junhoe doesn’t get jealous or upset, when thorn starts weaving his web around the members of his so-called harem—or when soohyun appears, but that’s another story for later. 

 

[ eclipse — kim lip ]

 

…the truth is, their relationship started out as a relationship of benefits and nothing more, but somewhere along the line it began to evolve. thorn realizes, staring at his reflection late one night, bare-faced and hair damp from a shower, that somewhere along the line he’s begun to trust junhoe. maybe it’s the fact that they’ve known each other for a few years, maybe it’s something about the way junhoe treats him… but something has thorn’s walls slipping when they’re together, and there’s a familiar fluttering whenever junhoe’s around that leaves thorn feeling a little unsteady. 

 

he doesn’t want to fall in love again.

 

(he already has.) 

 

it doesn’t stop thorn from being thorn. he continues to sleep with other men and though junhoe has feelings for him, or perhaps because of it, junhoe chooses not to let it bother him, chooses not to be upset because he knows how thorn feels about that sort of behavior—there are some things he’s learned by trial and error, which junhoe would rather not repeat, and there are other things that he has gathered from time spent with thorn. neither of them voice their feelings for one another, though there’s an awareness—a knowledge that there’s something there, something more—but they go on like it’s not obvious. 

 

but things have to change, as they are wont to do. 

 

junhoe calls thorn one day, when he’s free from reverie schedules but is in the dance studio anyway, getting in some extra practice. “come to the gym with me,” he says, as soon as thorn answers—a very junhoe thing to do, not even waiting for greetings. 

 

thorn rolls his eyes, leaning against the practice room wall. “ew, no. i’m not a gym rat, junjun. have one of your friends—”

 

“c’mon, thorn. just this once?”

 

he heaves a great sigh, like going with junhoe will be a huge inconvenience to him. they both know it’s theatrical and thorn would have gone anyway. “fine, but you’re treating me to dinner afterward.”

 

“it’s a date,” junhoe replies, and thorn can practically hear his grin.

 

and he doesn’t correct junhoe, or laugh off his words.

 

it’s a date. 

 

it certainly feels like one, when thorn and junhoe claim a booth at a little noodle shop they both like. junhoe sits across from thorn and needles him throughout their meal—”you spent most of the time looking at me, not working out.” “it was a nice view.” “yeah, i bet it was.”—and it feels like there’s something different this time, when they part ways outside of the reverie dorm. thorn’s nerves are alight when junhoe reaches out long enough to squeeze his hand—he’s afraid someone will see them—and his heart’s in his throat when junhoe leaves. 

 

“are you coming inside or are you just going to stand out here all night like an idiot?” one of the other reverie members asks, and thorn shakes himself out of his trance—staring at the space where junhoe had been—and pushes into the dorm with butterflies in his stomach and floating on air, a little. 

 

it happens again. not another gym date, but something that feels like a date. sitting in the house junhoe shares with three of the other ikon members, watching a movie together. it’s intimate—thorn leaning back against junhoe’s chest, their legs tangled together under the blanket. junhoe’s rhythmic breathing lulls thorn into sleep, a vulnerability he hasn’t been able to allow himself before. 

 

he wakes up still cradled against junhoe’s chest. the gentle colors of sunset are washing through the window, spilling over the blanket. it’s quiet—thorn turns his head, and finds that junhoe, too, has fallen asleep. 

 

in the privacy of that moment, with no one to witness, thorn smiles, free of all the masks he’s kept up for so long. 

 

then he settles back down against junhoe, and allows himself to fall back asleep. 

 

[ sun&moon — nct 127 ]

 

for as much as something has changed between junhoe and thorn, undeniably so, there’s—it’s not perfect. there are things weighing on thorn’s shoulders; the way he feels like he’s torn between soohyun and junhoe, the way he’s afraid of dating again—the way he knows, deep down, that he can’t commit to junhoe. 

 

that he doesn’t deserve what’s in front of him. 

 

it’s hard for him to accept that someone could truly love him—especially someone like junhoe. junhoe, who deserves better than someone like thorn. someone so sharp to the touch, hiding behind layers and layers of brambles and briars—someone who can’t even be honest with himself, long enough to admit that he loves junhoe and that he knows junhoe loves him. he doesn’t deserve junhoe’s patience, or acceptance that he’s not the only man in thorn’s life even if they’re—they’re in a stranger cycle now, one where things feel too good to be true and thorn’s afraid everything will come crashing down and—and the lines of their relationship has blurred and thorn doesn’t know what junhoe expects of him anymore. 

 

“nothing,” junhoe tells him quietly. earnestly. honestly. always honest, even when thorn can’t return the favor. “i don’t expect anything.” 

 

and maybe that’s what breaks him. 

 

he agonizes over it, between then and the next time he sees junhoe. the way he doesn’t deserve him—the way junhoe is literally too good for someone like him, who can’t even treat junhoe the way he deserves. who can’t commit to him, tell him he loves him, or even allow junhoe to tell him that he’s loved—because it’s not for him. it’s not what he should have. junhoe needs love—not to have to pick up thorn’s scattered pieces and make sense of them. someone who can give junhoe his full heart, and not just a piece of it. 

 

“i can’t do this anymore,” he sobs, “i can’t keep leading you on and using you like this.” 

 

“you never have,” junhoe tells him, and it makes him cry harder because even when he’s trying to drive the proverbial knife into junhoe’s chest, he just won’t stop being so good to him. 

 

“just don’t pull away from me,” junhoe says, between one breath and the next. he’s holding thorn’s hand, and he squeezes it gently. 

 

and that’s it. it’s the end of their love story.

 

but it’s not the end of their friendship. 

 

STATUS. they never say love; there’s never something exclusive; but there’s something, and then thorn ends it

ENDING. they were never dating, not officially; but they go back to being just friends; they stop sleeping together, they go through a period of mutual pain but they don’t turn their backs on one another. 

 

TRIVIA. 

⤷ one. the tips of junhoe’s ears turn red, while they’re not-dating, whenever someone teases him about thorn

⤷ two. they would absolutely jump in front of trains for each other

⤷ three. fans know that thorn and junhoe are friends because they’ve been spotted together a few times and have appeared on each others’ ig accounts (usually in the gym, because junhoe drags thorn to work out with him more than once) 

⤷ four. junhoe is one of few people who get away with teasing thorn’s height without having something thrown at them 

⤷ five. junhoe calls thorn baby until they break up, and is the only person who gets away with doing it. (it’s not a breakup, because they were never dating. mhm.) 

⤷ six. reverie probably had a betting pool on when thorn and junhoe would get together, but sike, they did the opposite 

⤷ seven. after their not breakup thorn ends up telling moon about it—and she thinks he’s a headass but she doesn’t say as much because he deserves love and support 

⤷ eight. true to their word, after junhoe and thorn break up, they continue to be friends, and junhoe will later play a role in getting thorn to accept love from soohyun (and, even later, julien)  

FIRST MEETING, RELATIONSHIP BEFORE. moon soohyun and thorn met for the first time when red media introduced korean trainees to their existing trainee pool. they didn’t become better acquainted until later in the year, when red media announced that they would be debuting together in the group 7th sin. at the time, however, soohyun and thorn had only seen each other as friends, closer to annoying siblings (or, well, thorn being the annoying one) than anyone they’d ever consider dating. 

 

soohyun was always one of the most affectionate members of 7th sin, after woojae and thorn, but he usually focused his attentions on yai and tee rather than the other members. nonetheless, he and thorn were fairly close, and soohyun was another member who would sigh and mostly ignore or at the very least tolerate thorn’s attempts to prank and bother him. they were never among the closest members—a four year meant that soohyun spent more time with the older members and thorn spent more time with his boyfriend at the time and with woojae—but thorn would never say that they were distant, either. 

 

still, things crumbled when everything happened with jaeyoung and 7th sin was disbanded. soohyun lost contact with thorn, but he stayed in touch with the rest of the members; excluding jaeyoung, who also cut contact with his former groupmates (maybe it should have come as more of a surprise to soohyun, but it didn’t). 

 

DEVELOPMENT.

 

[ hi hello — day6 ]

 

it’s 2022. reverie have just debuted (or are preparing to debut, whichever would work better with the story). to celebrate, the members go to a small restaurant to eat; everything is fine until the server comes to their table, and then thorn’s like what the . 

 

because moon soohyun, who he hasn’t seen in five years, is standing beside the table, staring at him in shock that must be reflected on his own face. they’re just staring at each other while the rest of reverie look back and forth between them, and someone’s elbow wedges into thorn’s side (it’s probably, definitely, almost certainly ryung’s, and thorn will kill him later). 

 

“...soohyun-hyung?”

 

“thorn?” 

 

thorn feels that overwhelming urge to flee rising, but the rest of reverie are sitting with him and he knows, he knows there will already be questions, so he swallows it down and tries for a smile—ryung probably tells him later it was more of a grimace. “what are you doing here?” he asks, hoping it doesn’t sound as awkward as he feels (which it probably does, if the way soohyun’s eyes flit to the side like he’s contemplating escape is any indicator—he’s still so obvious).

 

“this is my family restaurant,” soohyun replies shyly, and thorn is just like ah . 

 

because he knows about the family restaurant. soohyun was always very proud of it when they were in 7th sin—it’s been in the family for three generations. thorn just didn’t know that this was that family restaurant or he probably would have tried to drag reverie somewhere else… if they’d have been cooperative. probably not. 

 

once soohyun leaves the table, reverie start asking questions, and thorn deflects them with a simple “we haven’t seen each other in a long time”. doesn’t explain who soohyun is, or why they know each other. he’d rather die than have reverie find out about 7th sin. especially right after (or before) their debut. he tries not to let his drop in mood become obvious and seep to the other members of reverie; he contributes to the conversation and smiles when appropriate, acts like everything is fine. 

 

everything is fine until after the meal, when someone in reverie points out that soohyun has left thorn his number. what possesses him to take the paper, thorn couldn’t say—he’s impulsive, at best, and he sticks it in his pocket before any of the reverie members can start their questioning again. 

 

it takes thorn a few weeks to work up the courage to text the number, and see if it’s really soohyun. but despite that, he receives an answer quickly. soohyun doesn’t seem bothered that it took him time to text back—he seems nervous, if anything. thorn supposes that’s only to be expected, since they haven’t spoken in five years. thorn’s not expecting to actually find himself invested in a conversation with his former groupmate—but a few minutes texting back and forth trickles into a few days, text messages sent with a few hours in between since they’re both busy, but maybe something feels a little lighter the first time soohyun sends him a silly emoji like he would have when they knew each other before. it’s like getting to know each other all over again, slowly tiptoeing their way into a new friendship. 

 

it goes from awkwardness at first to joking back and forth. thorn gently bullies soohyun, and soohyun pretends to be upset about it. they don’t talk about 7th sin—it’s a conversation thorn shies away from the first time soohyun brings it up, and he takes the hint—and while it’s something thorn can practically feel looming in the background, it’s…nice, talking to someone who already knows him, so he doesn’t have to show himself to them all over again. they meet up a couple of times—soohyun gives thorn food for himself and reverie and smiles, fully dimpled, and says he’s proud of thorn and maybe thorn feels a little like crying in that moment. but he doesn’t, of course, instead he complains that reverie will replace him with soohyun and soohyun snorts—“i have two left feet. that won’t happen.”—and thorn agrees. 

 

[ talking to — day6 ]

 

“why’d you come back to korea?” thorn asks one day. they’re sitting on the floor in soohyun’s apartment. thorn has soohyun’s cat, a ball of white fluffy fur, comfortably purring in his lap. soohyun’s sitting across from him in a muscle tee and sweatpants. there’s something weird about it—surreal, almost, the way sunlight streams through the window, the way soohyun nudges thorn with his foot whenever the thai man bullies him too much. thorn chalks the strangeness up to them being friends again, sharing the same space where he had once thought it would be impossible. 

 

soohyun’s quiet for a minute. “my father got sick after the disbandment, so i came home to help my mother run the restaurant. and then, when he got better…” soohyun shrugs a shoulder. “i guess i didn’t see the need to go back to thailand.” 

 

“and then you gave up on singing?” 

 

“not really, just on being an idol,” soohyun laughs. “actually… it’s kind of funny. i work as a vocal coach now. but also at the restaurant part time,” he adds. he must see the confusion on thorn’s face. “it was just… you were in the right place, at the right time for us to meet again.” 

 

“aren’t you going to ask why i came to korea?”

 

“isn’t it obvious? you always were the dream-chaser.” 

 

bit by bit, they’re growing closer, and thorn doesn’t pay much attention at first to the way his heart thump thump thumps whenever soohyun laughs at one of his (usually pointed) jokes, or his smile whenever thorn shows up at his door. maybe it’s because in the early days, thorn is distracted by the way he feels around junhoe, and of course with his activities with the rest of the harem. it’s easy for him to overlook the way his traitorous heart is beginning to sing a different tune when soohyun’s around. 

 

until it hits him like a freight train, of course. 

 

but at first, he thinks it’s just something strange, surreal. thinks the fluttering in his stomach is excitement because he’s reconnecting with someone who knows him and who doesn’t hate him for dropping off the face of the earth. thinks he’s flushing because he’s embarrassed because this is soohyun, who used to be in 7th sin—not because this is soohyun, who he’s apparently attracted to now. (in five years, soohyun’s changed—he’s filled out more, he smiles more, and even if he’s awkward he seems a little more self-assured. should it be that big of a surprise that he’s grown more attractive because of it? probably not.) 

 

and when it hits him, it hits him hard. 

 

they’re in soohyun’s apartment again. thorn’s stretched out on the floor, trying to entice soohyun’s cat into pouncing on a cat toy (she’s not interested, because she’s trying to snooze in a patch of sunlight, but thorn will not be deterred). soohyun’s in the kitchen, singing along to a krnb song that drones from the small speaker on the counter. there’s just something about it—everything is peaceful, and then thorn’s heart flutters when soohyun shuffles out of the kitchen with two cups of coffee and smiles at him—just smiles at him—and then internally, nothing is peaceful. 

 

“you seem out of it,” soohyun tells him later.

 

“just thinking,” thorn replies numbly, and he can tell soohyun’s worried by the way his expression shifts, but he doesn’t pry into thorn’s business. 

 

[ how can i say — day6 ]

 

thorn feels like he’s caught between junhoe and soohyun, and he feels horrible for it. things with junhoe have been swerving into territory that feels like dates, and yet—while thorn knows he feels things for junhoe—he’s still got these feelings for soohyun as well. the guilt feels like it’s going to consume him; he knows how junhoe feels and how junhoe has been wasting his time on him when—when junhoe could be spending it with someone who actually loves him with all of his heart and can give him all of the love he deserves. thorn’s stuck between a rock and a hard place and at first he’s not sure what to do. he feels like he should pull away from soohyun, but even if he tried—even if he tried to commit to junhoe—he knows he doesn’t deserve it— 

 

and then thorn cuts things off with junhoe. 

 

he starts to pull away from soohyun, but it’s like soohyun knows what he’s doing—he tries to pull away and soohyun gently draws him back instead of letting him run away from his problems and hide. thorn’s not sure how he feels—all of the feelings he has for soohyun came upon him unbidden and he hurt junhoe because of them (because he’s a bad person) and now he can’t even run away from them—and there’s a little part of him beyond all that that says this is different. 

 

thorn and soohyun have never had . and maybe—maybe that’s why it had taken thorn so long to realize the way he was feeling for soohyun; soohyun’s not part of the harem, their relationship—whatever it is now, because thorn isn’t certain it’s just friendly—was built on different grounds. they’ve never agreed to do anything with no strings attached. they’ve never done anything of the sort at all. it’s just been thorn, and soohyun, and—

 

and thorn’s not as good at hiding things as he thinks he is, because junhoe knows. and it takes junhoe a while, but he tells thorn—

 

“you deserve to be with someone you love.” 

 

[ when you love someone — day6 ]

 

thorn has to work up the courage over time—he doesn’t rush into it. he worries that the feelings aren’t mutual; he still worries that he’s undeserving; but anyone could have told him that the way soohyun looks at him is like he hung the stars, and that it’s just his insecurities talking. but this time, thorn knows who leans in first—it’s him—and soohyun meets him halfway. 

 

it’s beautiful. it feels like something has bloomed in thorn’s chest; he can’t stop smiling when soohyun laces their fingers together. but they’re also adults, and they have to talk like adults. 

 

“i can’t be one of your friends with benefits.”

 

“i don’t want you to.” 

 

and it’s true. as hard as it is—thorn’s still afraid of commitment—this is a first step, and he’d never do that to soohyun—things were different with junhoe, because that was the expectation of their relationship; it’s not the expectation that soohyun has, or the one thorn would ever have of soohyun, who is just a sweetheart. so thorn cuts off his arrangements with the rest of the harem—he’s dating again, for the first time in over half a decade, and it’s strange—but at the same time—

 

“you seem happier,” ryung remarks one morning, and thorn drops the yogurt he was trying to take out of the fridge. “is it the boyfriend?”

 

thorn swallows down a snarky reply, his smile hesitant and small, and he says, “i think so.” 

 

not a lot changes in their relationship. there’s more kissing, to be sure, and now they cuddle—they’re working on physical contact, soohyun respecting thorn’s boundaries—but there’s still a lot of bullying on thorn’s part and soohyun singing in the kitchen in the mornings while making them both a cup of coffee, and sending meals home with thorn for reverie because it’s the least he can do. soohyun convinces thorn to reach out to the other members of 7th sin, excluding jaeyoung. thorn’s getting back into conversations with those friends. 

 

he’s happy. 

 

things feel like they’re looking up. thorn feels like some of his walls are starting to crack, and he’s not as terrified as he was before because he’s not facing things alone. he’s allowed himself to be lulled into a sense of security, smiling a little easier, a little wider, a little less forced. reverie have noticed the change—everyone who knows thorn has noticed the change. he’s happier and it seems like he’s doing better and—and—and he’s almost to the point where he thinks maybe, maybe he can tell soohyun that he—

 

[ i smile —  day6 ]

 

—he sees jaeyoung, and everything comes crashing down. 

 

the cycle of self-destruction starts all over again. convincing himself he doesn’t deserve good things, that he doesn’t deserve soohyun; the visceral fear that has taken hold of him after soohyun appears, shows himself again when thorn foolishly thought he was safe—

 

thorn starts to fall apart, but he doesn’t just fall apart.

 

he tears himself apart.

 

it’s too much, all at once. he’s back in that space of believing he deserves nothing. thinking of soohyun makes his stomach twist, makes him feel sick; thorn can’t stand it, sometimes, between the face he thinks he sees in the shadows and the way he knows soohyun deserves more than having to deal with the baggage thorn carries with him, that he’s managed to pretend he doesn’t have for the past few months. he should have known—he can’t have anything—he doesn’t deserve to keep something so beautiful for himself. someone so beautiful. so kind—actually kind—not faking it—

 

—he was undeserving of junhoe, and he was undeserving of soohyun—

 

for a moment thorn is tempted to break it off in a text message so he doesn’t have to look soohyun in the eyes—

 

but he’s not that kind of person and he knows that soohyun wouldn’t deserve to be treated so cruelly and instead, it’s when he meets with soohyun and—

 

“i wanted to tell you something—”

 

“we should break up.” 

 

thorn will never forget the heartbroken look on soohyun’s face, or the way he tries to smile even though he’s obviously trying not to cry. 

 

“sure,” he says, and it’s far too cheerful for the way he scoops his cat off the floor, like he needs to hold her for comfort. “If—if that’s what you think would be best.” 

 

and thorn knows soohyun breaks down when he leaves, and he can’t help the guilt that eats at him, on top of the myriad of other reasons he currently hates himself. 

 

STATUS. husband material, a whole mans, but not where the road leads; thorn loves him, thorn’s afraid of burdening him; thorn’s happy for five seconds—

ENDING. —and then thorn tears himself, and soohyun in the process, apart. 

 

TRIVIA. 

⤷ one. in the early stages, thorn often says the only reason he visits soohyun is for his cat, riceball 

⤷ two. soohyun still calls thorn monkey from time to time and that’s thorn’s contact name in his phone 

⤷ three. soohyun is the better cook between them and takes pride in feeding thorn (and half the time, sending food home for reverie)

⤷ four. soohyun self-reported to moon (thorn’s sister) when they started dating, and she didn’t murder him because she saw the shift for the better in thorn’s personality. and uh then things went south 

⤷ five. soohyun’s favorite song to sing when thorn was visiting him was tattoo by elo and jay park; you know how some couples have ‘songs’? that was theirs

⤷ six. soohyun doesn’t like conflict and that’s why he doesn’t argue their breakup; iif thorn’s not happy with him, he’d rather thorn leave and be happy elsewhere (not that that was the problem, but from his pov)—it definitely hurts though and gouges at his insecurities

FIRST MEETING.

 

DEVELOPMENT.

 

STATUS.

ENDING.

 

TRIVIA.