happy new years everyone. i know that new years is over for a good amount of you but for those of you who live somewhere where new years is still in full effect, i hope you have a great start to the new years. 

so, where do i begin. why did i suddenly come back on this account after being inactive for so long? why did i disappear? 

well to answer the first question, i missed this site. i missed the community and the stories that i used to read and the authors i loved to keep up with. part of my new years resolution is to reconnect with those i lost in the past year, this community included. i miss writing, i miss letting my imagination spill over into the stories that i write.

maybe a lot of you won't buy it, considering i just dropped everything that i had built up over the (now) 4 years i spent on this site, and i get that. not a lot of people just decide to abandon everything one day and not revisit it for nearly half a year. choose to believe me or not, but i'm back (for real) and hopefully here to stay.

as for why i disappeared? simply: life. i had a boyfriend (who i am no longer with) who i was quite serious with and something inside of me just felt like i was being unloyal(?) by going on here and writing the things i love to write about COUGHCOUGH. yes, it was stupid of me looking back on it now, but i was truly happy at that time. and around the time that i stopped being active on here, i was also busy with marching band, as well as a family vacation to the philippines. i really didn't have a lot of time to spare, and i didn't have as much as an attachment to this site anymore, so it was one of the easier things to drop.

but guess whose back now? i guess i can't really stay away, not even after all of these months of inactivity. so, hopefully i can fulfill part of my new years resolution by (literally) reconnecting back to this site, because i truly did miss it.

i feel guilty for leaving everyone, my stories, the ones that i was co-writing, the ones i had promised people. i am truly, sincerely sorry for the frustration and bitterness that i (probably) caused by choosing not to go on this site. it is completely my fault, and i take full responsibility for everything. 

speaking of which: what about my stories? i plan to continue a couple, but as for the rest, i may let someone else complete them, or abandon them altogether. it's quite cruel in my eyes, especially considering the number of times i've been frustrated by an author discontinuing a story. but for me personally, i rather not read a story at all than to have the author have half of their heart in it. i lost a lot of the passion i had for these stories, and sometimes i even regret starting a lot of them with no real direction as to where to go. i guess that would be part of the fun, but the majority of the feelings i had for it are now gone. it , it hurts, but i'm not going to fake a lie. 

maybe i'll pick them back up one day, but for now, many of them will lay at rest.

as for this account, i might want to start a-new. i don't want to abandon this, but i may erase a lot of my own things. if anything significant happens, i'll be sure to inform all of you immediately. 

and as for what's in store for 2019: i'm not completely sure yet. i can guarantee that you'll see a bit of fluff, angst, , and of course my favorites, nct and seventeen. but i'm also looking to relight my EXO-L heart. i miss exo a lot, and rewatching exo showtime is a great way to sort of keep my mind running for new ideas and stories i have in mind.

hopefully, this would've explained everything in a shortish manner, and please don't be afraid to dm or comment me any questions that you may have (because i know there's a lot i have yet to tackle) and i'll do my best to answer all of them fully, but please respect my private life. 

once again, happy new years, happy second day of 2019, good luck on exams, and stay awesome kiddos. take care of yourself this year, you deserve happiness.

signing off, nicole.