Can I just say that it is SO comforting to see a lesbian couple walking their dog every day? Not only are they a couple, but they're ENGAGED and getting married in August! I don't know if anyone reading this isn't part of the LGBT+ community, but if you're not, I'm gonna explain why it's so comforting to see a lesbian couple living a normal life. If you're part of the queer community, then I'm sure you know why it's so crazy to see a queer couple living a normal life, but I'm gonna explain anyway. Maybe if any of you are going through something similar, it'll give you a little hope, and maybe show you that you aren't alone. 

I'm not gonna go very in-depth, since the details of what I went through could be triggering to some people, and I'm not here to get us all feeling down. I'm just here to kinda explain why I get as excited to see queer couples as a dog seeing his parent come home from work. Here is the summarized version of stuff:

In middle school, I saw a video where two girls kissed. It wasn't or anything, it was pretty tame, but it got my heart racing faster than any guy did. I came out to the girl who was my best friend at the time, but she left me because, well, she was scared of me. I ended up finding friends again, but it was hard. She spread the (true) rumor that I was gay throughout the school, so I was avoided by a lot of kids. Gym class was a nightmare. I wouldn't look anywhere but the ground when getting changed, but I still had the locker furthest from the other girls. While they talked and had fun, I was by myself. My friends in gym class consisted entirely of boys a year younger than me (one of which I'm still close with today because he's cool). I had female friends in other classes, but...nope. The cycle of girls being scared of me continued through high school (I graduated in April), and I felt like a monster every day. I had the roughest time in my first and second year of high school (mental health issues in the first year, and a relationship I don't want to remember in the second year), and it never got better. I never knew any other lesbians in person. I had friends who were biual, but...it's not the same. I didn't have any attraction towards men, and at my school, saying you were biual was "trendy" and "cool" and something the popular girls said to get more attention from boys. I couldn't be sure if someone was truly biual, or if they were a part of the crowd who used the term to get into a boy's pants. I still do feel like a monster, and feel like I don't belong, but I think that it's something that won't go away. Some things just stick with you, and I've accepted that. Is it as bad as it was? No. That's mostly because I still have hope for the future (not much, but I'll take it).

Seeing a lesbian/queer/not-a-straight-couple is just really...wow. Especially after the abomination that was my second year of high school, it's mindblowing to see two women genuinely in love. It's...like I said, it's WOW. I've never seen it in person before. Of course, I've watched things, but at the end of the day, they're actresses. Of course, I've gone to the ends of the earth to find good queer movies. Of course, I've listened to Hayley Kiyoko and have watched her music videos. Of course, I've watched queer YouTubers. None of it compares to seeing something REAL and in person. 

Well. I could've been doing something productive, like writing the next chapter of the SaTzu demon AU, or maybe the next chapter for the MiMo dance AU, or I could've written a one-shot for the old one-shot collections that are now collecting virtual dust. Instead, I've written this... Well, let's leave this on a funny note. I have horrible self-esteem, so I can never actually talk to them because I'm too scared, but whenever I see one or both of them, I just start bouncing around like my dog does. I just get so happy seeing them! I don't have the courage to introduce myself, and I doubt they know that I'm a young lesbian, but...yeah. That comforting feeling of seeing two women in love, living a normal life with a dog (a very good dog) just feels so so right. I can only hope that my future holds something similar. 

P.S. If anyone needs someone to talk to for any reason, whether we've talked before or not, and whether you read my stories or not, if you need someone, consider me your gay mom <3