The girl sitting on the passenger seat hoists her body upwards, waving her hands in the air as she screams, laughing at the horrified look on Chanyeol’s face. With one hand on the steering wheel, he frantically uses the other hand to try to pull her back down, smacking her hips as she wiggles, fearless of the speed of the car. She doesn’t hear his panicked yell of disapproval over the loud roaring of the car, only the sound of the wind blowing and the booming of the radio playing on the highest volume.

 

When Chanyeol finally manages to pull her down, he pinches her ear, pulling on it. There’s a loud fit of laughter coming from the backseat, where her fiancé sits, amused at the sight of Taeyeon getting her ear pulled. The girl whines, and the deep furrows on Chanyeol’s brows soften eventually, always so caring when it comes to her.

 

“You could’ve slammed your head on a tree branch or something!” Chanyeol exclaims as he decreases the volume of the radio. He clicks on the Bluetooth option and scrolls through the devices before he clicks on his classical music playlist, earning a groan from the man in the backseat.

 

“Oh, come on, Park,” Baekhyun pouts, kicking the driver’s seat. “We’re here to have fun, not listen to classical music on a slow drive to the beach.”

 

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “I’m not going to get us killed before we get to the beach.”

 

“Alright, alright,” Baekhyun raises both his hands in surrender, grinning at Chanyeol through the rearview mirror. He kicks the passenger seat instead. “Don’t stand and dance when Chanyeol is driving, idiot.”

 

“You’re on his side now?” Taeyeon yells, shoving a bag of half-filled chips towards the man’s face. “Whatever. I’d rather listen to Chanyeol’s classical music than your ty clubbing music.”

 

“For the last time, it’s dubstep!” Baekhyun yells, throwing his hands in the air to emphasize, flinging the potato chips everywhere.

 

“Okay, settle down, children. We’re almost there, I can see the beach.” Chanyeol grumbles, stepping on the gas. “Jesus, stop it with the silly argument, yeah? Can’t believe you two babies are really getting married to each other.”

 

Taeyeon only laughs, gazing at the view of the beach not too far from the road. Chanyeol certainly doesn’t get to miss the fond look on Baekhyun’s face as he stares at her, smiling softly.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

The moment they arrive, Baekhyun, of course, immediately heads for the sea. Screaming as he does so, running with his arms flailing, then retreating hurriedly when the sea washes the shoreline. Chanyeol stretches his hands, the long two-hour drive from the city to the nearest beach already tiring him out. Taeyeon pats his back, looking at him in a worried manner.

 

“You okay there, Yeol?” She asks, standing on her tip toes to reach for his head, fixing his disheveled hair. “Tired?”

 

“Yeah, a little…” he mumbles, scratching the back of his head, ashamed. “Sorry.”

 

He knows that his two best friends are busier than ever these days, with their respective jobs and the upcoming wedding, yet they still insisted on going on this weekend trip to the beach. The two lovers complained that the three of them haven’t been spending much time together, no thanks to their hectic daily lives, but that’s not entirely true.

 

Chanyeol’s daily life is just him sitting at home, watching tv shows with a mug of coffee in his hands, and visiting the hospital in the evenings. He has plenty of time. People just didn’t have time for him, but he doesn’t blame them for it. Eventually, people move on with their respective lives. He just couldn’t find the point of doing so.

 

But Chanyeol knows that Taeyeon and Baekhyun have put a lot of effort in this short trip, judging by the way Taeyeon has filled the trunk full of food and supplies, even for a short trip and Baekhyun even agreed to let Chanyeol drive his car without hesitance. He could see how desperate they are to be spending time with him, and instead of feeling loved or touched, he feels burdened.

 

“There’s no need to apologize. You drove for two hours, of course you’re tired.” She smiles, pinching his sunken cheek. “Go ahead and take a nap in the car. I’ll prepare the food and I’ll tell Baekhyun to set up the tents.”

 

“I don’t want to miss out on the fun,” he pouts, pinching the lovely girl’s cheek in return. “Wake me up before sunset, okay?”

 

“I will.” Taeyeon replies quietly, somehow looking like she’s on the verge of crying. “Sleep well, idiot.”

 

Baekhyun is still by the seashore, yelling at them to come and join him. Taeyeon only spins around and flicks him the middle finger before focusing on Chanyeol once again, wrapping her arms around his waist. Chanyeol staggers back in surprise, chuckling softly as he holds her in his embrace, resting his chin on her head.

 

“I’m just gonna go to sleep, stupid.” Chanyeol scoffs.

 

Taeyeon laughs, smacking the man’s chest. “I know that. I just wanted to hug you, that’s all.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 He doesn’t fall asleep.

 

Chanyeol only sits by the driver’s seat, listening to his music, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he stares ahead. Thinking. Contemplating. Waiting for the sun to set. Staring at Taeyeon as she sets up the small foldable table, arranging her packed food silently. She seems like she’s been thinking a lot too.

 

Chanyeol laughs gently when he sees Baekhyun slowly creeping up behind her with a sly grin, startling her when he snatches a cupcake from the table. She gasps when she realizes what he stole, and with a rolled-up newspaper, she slaps the man by on his arm.

 

“Idiots,” Chanyeol mumbles under his breath, emitting a shaky laughter.

 

Baekhyun tries to beg for mercy, with icing stained mouth, trying to conceal his playful giggle as his fiancée continues to lecture him about stealing food. Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, eyes closed as he smiles too bright, red tinting his cheeks because of the scorching sun.

 

This is how Chanyeol wants to remember him. Silly, funny, beautiful like this. This is how Chanyeol wants to remember his first love, with blue icing lips, a shy smile, deep in love with the woman standing in front of him. There are a lot of memories that Chanyeol still reminisces now and then. Of the small kid chasing him around with his badminton racket, of the 13-year-old boy with teeth full of dental braces, of the high school prefect with excellent grades. Of the man whom he calls his best friend.

 

“I love you,” he whispers, staring as Baekhyun pulls his fiancée by her waist, stealing a kiss.

 

“I love you.” He whispers again.

 

And again.

 

I love you.

 

I always do.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

Watching as the sun sets doesn’t really take his breath away, or leave him speechless. He doesn’t really know why people are always so eager to witness the sun setting when it happens literally every single day. But maybe he just doesn’t understand the significance of watching the sunset or the beauty of it. Because Taeyeon is certainly crying. Full on weeping by now. It’s simply useless for her to cover her sobs with her hands, because he can clearly hear her.

 

“It’s just the sunset, Tae.” Chanyeol says, ruining the comfortable silence.

 

Taeyeon wipes her tears, laughing. He really likes the sound of it.

 

“Sunsets get me really emotional, okay,” she retorts in annoyance, but there’s a special smile on her face.

 

“She’s always been so dramatic,” Baekhyun takes a seat on the mat, just beside him. He hands Chanyeol a beer, winking, before he wraps his arm around Taeyeon’s shoulders, staring at the sunset too.

 

But the sun can’t defeat this. Baekhyun, with his slender fingers, gripping on his bottle of beer, tilting his head up to take a sip. His perfect jaw, and his glinting eyes. A view so beautiful and handsome like this is simply what the sun and the sea can never provide, and Chanyeol prefers to rest his tired eyes on this man beside him rather than the sun, the sea, the sand.

 

“I just wanna say,” he starts, taking a deep breath in. “If I don’t make it by the time the wedding comes along…”

 

Baekhyun flinches, before he frowns, staring at him. “Chanyeol…”

 

“Just listen,” Chanyeol says, glancing at the calm waves of the sea. “If I don’t make it, I’m sorry in advance. My life is really meaningless by now, but your wedding is the only thing I only anticipate. I really want to see my two best friends finally getting married. But if I don’t—if I can’t make it, I’ve already prepared a wedding gift for you two beforehand.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Taeyeon begs. “Of course you’ll make it, Chanyeollie.”

 

“We all know that it’s not going to be too long until I’m gone.” Chanyeol smiles, reaching out to hold her by her hand. “The whole point of this small trip was to spend time with me before I go. We’re adults, we’ve learnt to accept this.”

 

“I can’t believe you’re saying it like it’s so simple for you,” Baekhyun scoffs, glaring at him in disbelief. He slams his beer onto the mat, giving him one last look before he storms off, ignoring Taeyeon’s shouts of his name.

 

Chanyeol only watches as the man walks away, bringing Chanyeol’s broken heart with him.

 

 

 

—

 

 

In the beginning, it was difficult for everyone to accept the fact that Chanyeol was diagnosed with cancer. His mother cried for days, refused to eat and strangely even refused to see his face. His group of friends were devastated too, always calling to check up on him. Taeyeon begun to text and call him every single day, to make sure that he’s eating and sleeping well. His colleagues refrained him from working, even his boss let him go with a paid leave without any trace of reluctance.

 

Stage three, they said. Get all the help and medication you need.

 

But Baekhyun was a different case.

 

Baekhyun disappeared. He was the first person who Chanyeol called right after the doctors confirmed it, and he was the first person who disappeared. Left him without a trace for one whole week. Left him and his own fiancée without any calls, or texts. It took him a week to return, with a bright smile on his face as he hugged Chanyeol and kissed Taeyeon without any explanations. It seemed like he didn’t want to give explanations, so they simply didn’t ask.

 

Baekhyun was always good at pretending.

 

 

—

 

 

Even when midnight approached, Chanyeol doesn’t fall asleep. Ditching his phone in his tent, Chanyeol walks out, barefoot. The sand feels cold and nice under his feet as he makes his way towards the sea. He sees the man walking along the shoreline, dipping his toes into the wet sand before he washes the sand away when the sea comes waving in. Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun stands, and even with his back facing is him, Chanyeol hurts to see his best friend looking so lost and clueless.

 

He approaches Baekhyun slowly, sending him a small smile when he stands beside him. “Hey.”

 

“Hey,” the man smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his glinting eyes. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

 

“Not tired,” Chanyeol shrugs, but they both know that’s a lie.

 

Baekhyun simply nods. “Neither can I.”

 

They’ve never been so quiet like this. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were always known as the two best friends who seem to never stop talking, always joking around with each other and pulling inappropriate jokes. But now it seems like they’re two strangers standing on the shoreline, unanswered questions running in their heads.

 

“Come on, let’s take a seat.” Chanyeol takes Baekhyun’s hand in his, leading him back to the dry sand, where they both sit in silence.

 

Baekhyun lets out a troubled sigh, still staring at the sea, refusing to look Chanyeol in the eye even when Chanyeol keeps gazing at him. “Chanyeol—”

 

“I have a secret that I’ve been wanting to tell you,” Chanyeol cuts him off before the man can say anything else. “I’ve waited long enough and now… I think you at least deserve to know.”

 

Baekhyun purses his lips, nodding, finally looking at him.

 

“13 years ago, when we were fifteen and you still had those silly dental braces on,” he starts, laughing a little. “We were studying for a math test in my living room and you were really struggling with the first question.”

 

Baekhyun laughs too, warming up to him. “I really hated math. Even the first question was really difficult for me.”

 

“You kept trying and trying to solve the equation, tapping on your calculator so hard I thought it was going to break. You seemed so focused with that question, so invested that by the time you finally solved it, you looked really happy.” Chanyeol smiles as he recalls the memory.

 

“Yeah, I was so proud that I managed to get it right.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes playfully. “I even showed it to your parents.”

 

“You were smiling, so proud of your achievement. I think that was the time when you realized that you could do it after all.” Chanyeol says, “You kept on shoving it in my face, thinking that I’d be jealous of you because you solved it, but in reality, I was happy too. Seeing you smile like that.”

 

Chanyeol silently stares at Baekhyun as he speaks, taking one last look at the man he endlessly loves.

 

“That was the first time I fell in love with you.” He adds.

 

Baekhyun looks at him in shock, with tears already tracing his cheeks. “What…?”

 

Chanyeol immediately shifts his gaze somewhere else, refusing to look at the man.

 

“I’m in love with you,” he clarifies. “I love you, Baekhyun.”

 

“You…” Baekhyun pauses, then he stops talking.

 

“I’m sorry that you have to find out about my little crush on you like this, but I don’t want to die without you knowing that you are literally the only reason why I want live.” Chanyeol says, not even bothering to wipe at his tears that are falling. They’ll get washed away eventually.

 

“Shut up,” the man sitting beside him says.

 

Chanyeol stops. “Sorry.”

 

“Shut up, just shut up.” Baekhyun’s cries are getting louder and louder as he hides his face with both his hands, shifting further away from Chanyeol. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, just shut up, Chanyeol!”

 

“Baekhyun—”

 

“All these years!” the man shouts, pushing at Chanyeol’s chest when he finally snaps. “13 years, Chanyeol. You had all those years to ing tell me but you didn’t!”

 

“How would I have told you if I knew you were going to react to it this way, huh?” Chanyeol asks, hurt. “I’d rather not tell you at all than have you shouting at my face like this just because I told you that I’m in love with you.”

 

“You’re so ing stupid,” Baekhyun whispers in disbelief, using his clenched fists to wipe away his tears. He pushes Chanyeol again, this time harsher. “Just shut up. I can’t bear listening to you anymore.”

 

Chanyeol sits in silence as his best friend continues to cry. He mutters another apology before he stands up to leave, and when he’s walking away, he feels Baekhyun running up to him, embracing him from his back. Chanyeol freezes, feeling Baekhyun’s cheek resting against his back as his tears are soaked in Chanyeol’s shirt.

 

“You’re so unfair,” he cries, muffled when he presses his lips against Chanyeol’s back.

 

Chanyeol turns around in the man’s small embrace, watching as Baekhyun buries his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. He holds him just like that until the man visibly calms down, just a few hushed sobs against Chanyeol’s neck. He rubs Baekhyun’s back gently, pressing a kiss on the man’s forehead.

 

“I lived my whole life thinking that you were never going to love me back,” Baekhyun finally speaks again, softer this time. “I convinced myself that you’ll never look at me in the same way as I used to look at you. I tried so hard to move on from you.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol can only say. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Baekhyun.”

 

“I…” Baekhyun wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, staring up at him. “After we were in college, Taeyeon confessed, and I accepted her because I needed to move on. And…”

 

“And she was the best thing that has ever happened to you,” Chanyeol interrupts him with a knowing smile. “It’s okay, Baekhyun. Maybe if I confessed, you wouldn’t have known how much she means to you.”

 

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun shuts his eyes closed, his hands gently cradling Chanyeol’s face. “Please don’t leave me.”

 

“It’s going to be okay,” he grips tighter on Baekhyun’s waist, afraid of letting go. “You’re going to get married, remember? You’re going to have a big family in the future.”

 

“I want you to be in my future,” Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol closer to him, resting their foreheads against each other. “Don’t go just yet, Chanyeol… Not when I finally know that you love me back.”

 

“I’ve always loved you,” he says, grinning. “I’ll always love you.”

 

The man pulls him into a first and final kiss, pulling him down with his arms around his neck, pressing his lips full on Chanyeol’s mouth.

 

 

—

 

 

 

Neither of them choose to sleep.

 

Chanyeol rests his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder as they sit together, staring at the sea once again. He’s not very fond of the sunset, but he’d love to witness the sunrise, especially with Baekhyun by his side.

 

“Tired?” Baekhyun asks, running his fingers through Chanyeol’s thin hair.

 

Chanyeol nods, his eyelids threatening to close. But he wants to savor his moment. In Baekhyun’s arms, knowing that this man used to love him the way Chanyeol still loves him. That alone is enough for him.

 

“Sleep, then,” Baekhyun smiles, scooting back to let Chanyeol rest his head on Baekhyun’s lap.

 

“Wake me up before sunrise, okay?” Chanyeol reminds him. He falls asleep to the sound of Baekhyun’s heart beating, soothed by the way Baekhyun’s fingers run through his hair, relieved to know that he last thing he sees before he leaves is Baekhyun’s bright, promising smile.

 

Dying, in your arms, he thinks, is the best thing I could ever wish for.

 

 

He doesn’t get to witness the sun rising.

 

 

 

 

---

 

 

uh... ok..

my intention was for this to be a 600-worded drabble, not a 3.1k worded short fic...lol

dont kill me guys ><