I think I fell for him the first time I saw him. From the stage, he performed with his club members, the only one not smiling. Everyone laughed and giggled noticing he didn't smile, so did I. I looked away to watch my cousin, Jae, who was also in the play, but my eyes wandered back to him as my heart was captured then. 

As winter break was over, and we began our spring semester, with me completely forgetting of that moment and my feeling. It wasn't until Jae was telling me of C’s love problem he had with a girl he liked. Not knowing who C was then, I had wished him the best of luck, for getting played in such a harsh way. 

It was mutual between C and the girl he liked, however, she was indecisive. After making him wait a whole month or maybe longer, she finally gave him an answer. She had agreed to date him but only to break up with him the next day. The girl, who was also close to Jae, told Jae that being with C killed her every second. C cut off all connections with the girl, but she wanted to talk, explain herself to not make her feel guilty about her decision. I met C the same day I met Jae’s girlfriend, and the close friend of the girl C liked, they were all in the same club. 

I met C before I had to leave and realized who he was. He was the guy who was performing and didn't smile. My feelings I felt then caught up to me, “Ahh, I can feel myself liking him already.” I knew, because my heart fluttered. 

I thought, if I run into him three times, it could be considered as fate correct?

The following day, at the parking lot before heading to our own classes, I saw him and called out to him. We walked and chatted for a bit before heading our separate ways. 

That’s the second time meeting, if we meet again the third time, would it mean anything? 

The following day as well, while I was waiting for Jae outside of a building, C came by, saw me, and decided to sit down and hang with us after I told him Jae was inside buying snacks. 

That was our third time, it must be fate?

Jae and I helped talk to C about his love trouble and we managed to handle it well, and it was finally over. 

It became normal for Jae and C to come chill with me on Thursdays, meanwhile I wait for my sister’s class to end. We would just sit and chat and the more we hung out together, my more my feelings grew for C. 

But.. 

I knew better.. 

Of what would happen to my feelings..

From the beginning I knew I shouldn't have liked him..

But I couldn't stop myself from liking him..

The semester was coming to an end, so I decided I was going to confess, at least I could get over it while on summer break. 

I met up with him on campus, chatted with him, ate together, and before he attended his club meeting, I confessed. 

I was nothing more than a good friend.

That was an outcome I knew, from the beginning..

I asked for a hug, and another, and another. I turned to leave and never looked back, not even once. Every step I took my heart got heavier, as I wanted to cry but held it back, since I was on campus and did not want to be seen crying. By the time I got home, I couldn't even express myself anymore. 

I had thought that since it was finals week, what are the chances I’d run into him. On the Monday of finals week, I ran into him. With only the weekend that passed as I confessed to him on Friday, we ran into each other at the parking lot. I walked with him to his next class like everything was okay, when I was emotionally breaking. 

With that, the semester officially ended as I had the next few months to get over him. 

One evening, while watching Suspicious Partner, a Korean drama, upon the scene where the main girl confessed to the main guy, and after getting her feeling rejected, she asked for a hug, I cried, eyes bawling out tears. I can relate. I didn't realize how much I kept it in and how much it affected me, since I just locked it up away after confessing, because I already knew the outcome. 

My feelings still alive for him, but not strong. I was delusional but accepted reality. 

Ran into him the fall semester, a few times. Happy to see him, but not completely over him. The fall semester is over and it's winter break again, this time he ended the year with a girlfriend, and began the year with her. My feelings is nothing but just lingering feelings. Happy on the news of his relationship, but strings in my heart broke. I congratulated him on his relationship, even though it broke me apart. 

And that was how a year went for me. That was my one sided love of 2017. 

Yes, I liked him knowing I was digging my own grave, from the moment I met him, to the moment he sent a friend request to me, I tried to stop myself. I thought I could get over it easier, because I knew well that in the end even when I confessed, my feelings would not be reciprocated.