dear people reading this,

i've spent a long 6 years on this site. and 50% of it was full of comparing myself to other writers who got subscribers, and trying to write something that would at some point get some comments. and as i got older, i realized that was never going to happen. whether it be the content i write, or even my writing style, i lack in something that would never generate any kind of readership. almost started a fight online with someone about not using caps lock and how it was viewed as "ew" by that person instead of taking it as a stylistic approach. people have a tendency to forget that anon drabbles for contests don't mean they don't have feelings. (i was 18 at the time and the other was 6 years older than me i believe? it was my fault for messaging the person in such an emotional state, and feeling as though i was being personally attacked. literally why i never liked the idea of a public vote as a way for people to advance in contests.)

the other 45% of my writing has been for contests, which was usually why i was on aff. whether it be placing first in a small competition, or being a judge's favorite in the sky is the limit in their final round, placing second in shoes of an unicorn and then placing first in the same contest two years later, to finally finishing up one full-fledged fanfic for head to toe by the same owner, i write a story in hopes that the contest owners love them with characters they enjoy, with a plot line i can continue to write with, in hopes they can see something in them that makes them happy that it's for them. 

and lastly, the 5% of my career has been devoted to writing what i love, and that usually meant uncompleted yoona fanfics, uncompleted exo fanfics, and uncompleted one-shots i never got around to. i spent 5% of that career, still writing one shots and drabbles on my birthdays for writers on aff who i loved. still wrote things for them with characters they loved but writing i loved. i hoped those gifts were appreciated, and i hope you still enjoy those gifts from time to time. 

as i sit on my bed, remembering i'm studying abroad in rome, staring at the faded oranges and pinks, staring at the clouds, it is time i say my goodbye to aff. i realized i'm not a big fiction writer. too much in love with creating poetry and creative nonfiction, it's been a very tiresome six years dealing with my own insecurities, how it validates my thoughts about how i'll never get recognized in these parts, and finally, placing all my individual life experiences into each and every story. whether you've read the deleted playing with assassins, or copious amounts of changyoon i wrote, the era of  ulzzangs with friends with monsters, nikka's gift of another cautionary tale, poem on the front line starring song joong ki, a slice-of-life with c'est la vie club, or my first and only finished fanfic take the l, thank you for allowing me to be a writer for a little bit. 

my account will still be up, you can always access my twitter if you dm me, and if you want to find me on any other social media platform, just message me. i'd love to stay in touch with some of the few aff friends i've made here. 

it's been a long ride. but it's time to go home now. 

alissa