Hello Jonghyun. How are you now? And happy new year too ^^ It’s been more than two weeks since you gone. I purposely take times before write this, to calm my heart and make my emotions stable first. I might not a shawol, but I know you since sherlock era. I still remember the first time I saw ur MV in MTV and I can’t stop wondering who are these guys. As the days goes by I keep following news about Shinee. When you guys comeback, when you guys joined variety show, and everything. And I falling harder with you and Shinee during WGM era, when Taemin meet Naeun, whose become my one true pairing even until now. And at the same time, my love for you and the shine members growing up as well.

You and Shinee, as a special part of my life, my teenager life, my college life, my adult life. You and Shinee, have something that really caught my heart and took my interest. I write about you and Shinee members, make people smile, laugh, and cry throught my story. And you, definitely not just a character to my story. You are important but I wonder if you ever know that. I like you guys for years and I never regret it all. The only thing that I regret is that you have to take this choice.

When ur news come out, I didn’t want to believe it, I even think what kind of crazy jokes is this and this is impossible and all, but then it’s true… You really left us..

The next day after ur news came out, I still can laughing with my friend, eat my favourite food, but my heart inside is broken. It feels numb. It’s weird to know that you’re not in the same world with the rest of us anymore Jonghyun. The next day I get worse actually, I can’t concentrate and easily get angry with my office mates. It hurts so much Jonghyun, it’s badly hurt, but at the same time I have to be strong because I feel worried with my other shawol friends, and I want to make sure my friends are all okay.

And that’s keep me wondering, I never met you for real, never know you for real, not even a shawol but it’s already this hurt when ur gone. Then how about them who close to you Jonghyun? They who once laughing with you, and sharing everything with you? I don’t want to imagine how pain they are…

Everyone has a hard life Jonghyun. Everyone have their own battle, everyone faking their smile and everyone did wearing a mask. It’s not easy Jonghyun, I know, for me, you, and everyone else, but we keep going on right? If only you know you already come this far Jonghyun..

But at the same times, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the bad thing that affected you really bad. I’m sorry that I didn’t know you got hurt so bad. I’m sorry that you fighting alone in ur depression. I’m sorry that you have to bear everything by yourself. I’m sorry that it’s too painful until you have to choose this path. I’m sorry my dear, I’m really sorry…

I finally found my closure to you Jonghyun, I finally can say goodbye to you and let you go now. I will continue my life, work harder and smiling happier than before, and you will never be forgotten Jonghyun. 

I feel confused before but then I decided that I will keep writing about you and Shinee members in my stories. You might have your sad ending in your real life Jonghyun, but I will make sure you have your happy ending in my story. At least that’s what I can do for you.

No matter what, Shinee will forever be five in my heart. You might left all of us here, but I want you to know that no one can change ur place, and you did very well, Jonghyun. I swear, you did very very well. Thank you Jonghyun, for everything, for the smile, for the sadness, I will missed you a lot, more than you ever know, and probably will never know… :’)

A lot of love from me, your fans.