I still feel sad.

Kim Jonghyun has been my bias in SHINee since Replay era. I am still dazed. It seems like I want to go back four days ago. I cannot imagine SHINee being four (physically). It hurts me. I was trying to imagine an album of SHINee without Kim Jonghyun, and it hurts. Knowing he wont come back anymore. Knowing that there is still more ahead of us, and I wont be seeing more of him for all of those times. 

I always look at his videos in youtube. And it seems as if he is still there — that time is waiting til I get to finally see him on stage. Til those wishes upon a star that I could just touch his skin or take a picture of him will be realized.

I loved this video of him with Taemin and Minho. I have first watched it during those times I am really super crazy about him (well aside from SuJu, lol). They were at a radio broadcast I think and he was asked to play in a situation, something like, what would he do/say if his girlfriend is mad at him. And I swear I fell inlove with him more after watching that video. Hoping one day I would be that lucky girl. Hoping that what if I could privately talk to him like that. But that cannot be. And it saddens me because no one can be that lucky girl anymore — hearing his sweet voice over the phone, and all.

It is still hard to believe that he is gone. Never did I imagine that I would post a farewell for him at such young age. And I find it hard to accept.

I wish for him to return.

and it hurts because he cannot.

he did well. He did so well that during the first shinee mv that I watched, he immediately caught my attention and became my bias ever since. 

Did you read that, jjong? you did so well.

It hurts, jonghyun.

Why do you make me cry, jonghyun

among all lf my questions all i know is that it hurts.

but you need to go.

farewell, my jonghyun. You did so well.

I love you.