i dont know when and why i writing this again

i never write anything twice ... but here i am again. this is second time for this week.

i feel lost ... i feel suffocated.. 

i keep denying it... this couple of days only make me shed soo much tears.

i dont want to cry again jonghyun.. i am soo tired already..i dont know how much more tears i have for u. seem like it will never stop.

many people around me asking. . why u cry? he is not your friend... he just a singer..

how i wish i can slap them in the face.. he is human.. a person that i keep watch from 9 years ago..

a person.. from teenager to a man..

but i cant.. i cant.. i can only hide my sadness with my smile when they mock my sadness.. my puffy eyes.. and my lack of cheerful

i hate this tears.. it bring sorrow to me.. i keep on searching method to make me forget about this sad event.

i cant find anything to take away my tears.

i regret when i think i never hear your voice in live..

if i go to the concert i maybe had some memory about your powerful voice.. but now i regret it..

i remember one time when i go to south korea for my holiday.. shawol que up to buyyour solo concert ticket.. i said to my sister if only we dont have to fly back home maybe we can buy your solo concert ticket.. but my sister said next time when shinee have world tour we will definitely go.

that convo keep ringing in my ears this couple of days.. it pain me that i neglecting your or shinee concert.

i am bad right?

only now i regret it. i watch all your concert fromyoutube and asking myself when can i be part of the person in the concert.

but now i cant... i cant right?

your voice... your personality.. your smile.. your song .. will always stay in my heart jonghyun... 

this is it right?

a farewell for u.. 

i will always miss my bling bling KIM JONGHYUN..

u will always stay in my heart... 

my lost star

KIM JONGHYUN