9 November 2017

I can't believe that I really did it; to put everything that I wanted to say out there, out loud in front of everyone. Every honest sentiment, my fears, the lingering doubts and hestitations I have; everything. And God, don't I feel free. That I don't have to pretend any longer. 

And I think sometimes, when we get so worked up into the thick of things, we forget to breathe; held back by our uncertainities, our insecurities, our fears. That when we get so caught up in the vortex, we forget that sometimes all we need to do is to step back, to place some distance behind the chaos of our mind and the voice of our soul.

When the dust settles, or rather, when the dust starts settling, we'll all see things better, clearer, calmer. 

In all things I think, taking the first step might be the hardest. But when you do, there is that sense of achievement; 'Ah I did it', and the sense of peace stealing over you; 'Ah I really did it, no looking back.' And no longer will you be tormented by the thought of the restrictions you limit yourself, the what ifs, the what would would they say.

When you're honest to others, you're honest to yourself too.

Fears are pesky little things; they steal your breath and they poison your mind. But when it's all said and done, when you look back after the confrontation, it's funny how they no longer appear to be as intimidating as they seem to be then. And you'd laughed then, wondering how you could have been so silly, fearing it.

Fear makes you anxious, fear blinds you from seeing things. So I think when you lay out your fears and bare your thoughts one by one, you'll find the answer that you're searching for. 

And for my case, by airing those thoughts, by airing those fears, I think I might have found the answer I'm looking for. :')

And with every soothing patter of the rain that hits against the windows today, I feel that bit more healing within; the calming of the mind, the convictions of my beliefs; that I am doing alright, that I am on the right track. That I am... okay. :)