So... My panick attacks... I did get them a LOT on last spring... Not really much now on summer but do get them tho. I always have this feeling when I know if it will come. Like my breath will hicks, heart beat so fast, I will lose my voice (even if I'm alone I lose it) & I will get tears in my eyes. Then I will get panic attack. Or I have these things that I get all those things but the panic attack won't come.

I seriously got over 50 panick attacks last spring. I couldn't leave my mothers old apartment to go to school, because I had too much stress from it and on every Tuesday I had art class... And I got that super super bad stress because my old art teacher (she quited this year so I will get new art teach for 8th and 9th grade [who is my little brothers homeroom teacher.... And yes I took art] ) told me AND THE HOLE CLASS that I were the best drawer & painter in my class... When we were doing play cards and I made heart 1 I showed her my first plan... Well...

She told me to trow that plan in to the trash and make better that will show my skill's. Of course I got stressed by this and still being a young shy short (read as: TALL AF -over 170cm boi-) girl whit little (but lovely&loud) group of friends get to told something like that. Of course I got stressed and scared to go to the scool on Tuesdays and I started to have sleeping problems so I went to sleep at 9PM, but got woke up around 1AM to 3AM and couldn't get sleep anymore... Yes this part is about my last blog "My Nightmares", the 3rd part & 4th part if I would be more clear.

But anyway after waking up I WOULD fall asleep around 7AM... Around that time when I needed to leave to school and I would sleep (read as: skip by sleeping) my first 3-4 lessons every singel day. And after waking up I would watch the clock on my phone and start panicking and finally get the panick attack when I notice how long I slep, when we look at that time I slep so little so I didn't have energy to do anything and skipped so ing many school days trying to sleep (and getting my sleep rythm a big mess by sleeping at day, but I didn't care because in the end I slep 1 more hour and started to read fanfic's, watch YouTube or char whit my internet friends).

I did get sleeping pills and I needed to start off whit taking 1 pill, but that didn't help AT ALL. So I started to take 2 pills every evening... That didn't help AT ALL either so I took 3 pills... That helped a little.... Note the word "little"... I only got couple minutes more sleep and that was it. Now I have hole different recepty on my sleeping pills which should start kicking in after 1-2 hours like my very first sleeping pills... But whit me it's like 1-4 hours until I get sleepy and fall asleep. That is my problem really. I hate it, but i can't do nothing yet. Why? Because my theraphy starts again next month as school starts and then I can tell her that they aren't working well and she will talk whit my doctor there who is sending me to get my head filmed and getting me the recipts for my pills.

My doctor in my clinick sayed that "he won't give me panick attack pills, because school is about to end" and all that my class mates & teachers won't think I'm taking some ginda druggs and take them away and then I would have to fight back the idea of running out of the class room to my home, to my bedroom, just because I'm getting panick attack just because I can't bare whit my friends seeing me getting it...

Wow.... I wrote  688 words about my panick attack and why I get them and all.... Well now I TRY to go to sleep... I'm still at my fathers laptop listening IsacElliot (because I can listen to him) and writing this. Hmm.... Night I think? Or day or morning or evening depending on your time zone and timing when your reading this!

달 (Moon) is out!