(OwO Gummy Bears I'm not criticizing, I'm just trying to understand the drive... please don't be offended. This goes to all shippings, I'm just using TOPDARA because I like this pairing the best. :D)

So you like Boy A, eh? And you admire Girl A and after a while you find yourself seeing them together. A couple. A love team and you get giddy with seeing them together, you fantasize about them being together in their far off reality, you get delusional seeing the mildest form of interaction as a love sign. They are in love! They must be! Or else the world would not make sense....

Credits to Azarah. Borrowed from the TABISAN/TOPXDARA FB account.

Or something along those lines, maybe a milder or more severe form but that's the skeletal of it. I have never completely grasp the idea of idols, I'm not saying I've never had one prior to TOP (though I must say what I have for him is really quite severe that I'm expecting a rash to develop, or some twisted physical manifestation of my obsession. I can't understand why I like him this much, it's ing crazy.), I have indulged in liking J.Depp when I was around 13, been swept away by R. Thomas' y voice and A.Levine is just waiting to happen, I'm sorry. But what does having an idol mean, exactly? So you like him, and in some twisted way you want him... blame it on the hormones and the thousands of women who reinforce this... shall we call this want? But you do, and mentally, if you are daring enough you dream to be with him and you may, at some point, admit to yourself that it has the micro-chance of happening and you console yourself saying "well, I don't really... you know... believe I can... you know... be with him... that is." But let us all admit to ourselves that if given the chance, if in some twist of fate, your bias stands in front of you and with an evil smirk stakes his claim, you will be beside yourself and just to hell with rationality and climb him like a tree (well, I guess of you want to act coy you can just not climb him like a tree and be... I dunno... coy... whatever, I don't understand that...). Well, that is except for me, because I'm married (and I really should get that free-for-TOP pass from my husband, you know, just in case. O_O NoLOLJK. /please kill me now.)

But you know what I think is that Idols are idols because they represent a certain ideal. They were never meant to be attained. Have you heard the saying "If you reach your goal, you have set them too low." Something like that, so your ideal is out of reach and you nurse your hurt and set him up with another person, someone you like. Some you aspire to be (or at least some characteristics in her that you wish you had). So in your head this is perfect and good lord they actually have more chance than BiasXYou to ever happening. No matter how obscure that chance may be. And you get offended when other people think otherwise because, well, it's ing perfect in your head... heck, if you squint really hard, it's really ing there. You don't get why they can't see what you see, when it's just really there! Gaddamit. Open your eyes!

And the slightest of similarities become a glue that sets your twisted rationale that they are meant to be.

You can't help yourself, I mean, mirroring is psycholgical behavior often shared between close friends or... wait for it... couples. And you find these sort of things the similar squint of the eye, the similar pose, the similar clothes and more, always more and you fuel this want... They are effin together, yes, more to you than to anyone else. It doesn't even matter what those individuals feel, so in the act of being generous with your bias, of being more realistic you beat down their free will and pair them off. Of course, it doesn't really matter. None of it matters because, like your liking of him, your opinions don't affect them. Or any of their decisions. So in the end all this shipping is like playing god in your head because in reality you are quite a failure at controlling things. T.T

I am not saying that you are psychologically impaired if you ship a pair (Tabisan or otherwise). I, for one, will continue to ship them hard and will still get jealous of other boys. >.< Mostly, I think I can healthily move on if they do decide to see other people. LOL. But they are jsut superrrkawaiiii together! O.O

I think more than just shippings, creating a blank OC to project yourself into a scenario is the same... if not a little more... I dunno, delusional. I've always wondered about that. Why TOP fans are more close fisted about him? Why TOP fictions are mostly with OCs as female leads? Why does GD get pairings? What does that psychologically imply in fandoms?

I confess, I confess I do attribute some traits to my fictional TOP. What is most fascinating to me is how I have always given male leads some of my traits. Probably because I'm ist and I've never liked me being so unfeminine... I like cute girls who do cute things and are vulnerable and damsels in distress. While I have always viewed myself as psychologically male, (nothing to do with my ual orientation) just the daring and the outspokeness, the anger... it's just to manly. I don't really understand. Well anyway, I think I'm starting to talk about something else... so I'll leave it at that.