There's this thing, this uhh... saying where you insert something and end it with "to the end..." like uhh, friends to the end... or something, but I dunno, I think, most of any relational endings are just that, like I will love you to the end, is true for as long as you posit the end as something vague. It still sounds better than I will love you until I don't (which is, if you think, is exactly the same sentiment.) But anywho, semantic manipulation aside, I felt like I needed to make this post even if I have, more or less, left AFF.

I can tell you why I have ended my relationship with AFF, but that might be ing myself sideways, if I ever felt the need to go back. Let's just say I am in medication and I haven't felt the need to write, which depresses me, yet I am nicely sedated enough to not run after rainbows and fall over cliffs. You know yay antidepressants.

I can tell you that I am a lot happier though I do feel kind off, off-balance, like I am afloat, or balancing on one leg, or something that would be a good analogy to I feel like I am not living quite fully, but that's good since the half that I don't feel are mostly the half that wants to die.

But let's not be too dark, geez.

Well anywho, I felt the need to make a post about the end of 2ne1 which was the gateway group that opened me up to Korean Pop Culture, and I'm not saying that it's purely Kpop music, as on that vein, I am still pretty dry, but also the dramas, the skin care, and maybe a little bit of the history too.

Yeah, for me what 2ne1 represents is kind of a door to Narnia, except not Narnia, but Korean popular culture.

There are BlackJacks who openly cry and people outside the BJ community would reasonably be baffled. I have always gotten the feedback of, I am just not that passionate with music or it's just music, or you didn't seem the type. I think visually, to see someone love something untangible is strange, like you can love your pet, or your husband, or your family, but loving an idea, or a representation of something is just... well, baffling.

People who identify themselves as 2ne1 can or can not explain the shape or reason of their love, but I think saying you love 2ne1 as they really are, is just... uhhh... delusional? You love them as idols, as ideal representation of something...

I think people would mostly agree that 2ne1 represents the state of being unapologetically female and the denouncement of approval from men. I mean they love, they lose, but essentially for as long as the run of 2ne1 they represented women's freedom.

They didn't look or move like the conveyor belt women, at least. It's the audacity of being strong and singing about bringing the fire and yeah, I don't think I can explain this more.

But on another layer, why I loved 2ne1 was primarily of what Dara said once, that she was talentless, but she works hard. And what she represents to me is triumph, and the rewards of perseverance.

Most of 2ne1's song are pop, if not all of it, which means that there is a great possibility that I will forget them after 10-20 years or remember them with some nostalgia, but they will never be a classic, in the typical sense. Even if people argue that they were legendary. Their mark remains in popular culture and not in music at large.

But this is the thing that I wanted to say, about being a BlackJack after "The End" and it's sad because the answer of course, is that I will be okay... but can I just say that I loved, love them sincerely for a momen? For being a door to experience that I would never have.

I am heartbroken, and it's quite... uh... well it can never be literal, but sincerely, as I felt like I have been pining for 2ne1 since Bom's "scandal" and I have kept believing that they would come back after slaying the dragon, the venom of the media. Especially because it's about ing drug use of a prescription drug for managing mental health.

But then Minzy left which I think was a fair choice, but also, I still feel hurt that she gave up on Bom in some ways. It just... it breaks my heart that Bom never had a pillar of strength in these trials, expecially when it was soooo dark, I can imagine.

And it just got messier and messier and Bom still sings of not listening to broken stories that may mean the stories spun about her "addiction" or perhaps the that was thrown after the end of 2ne1. I want to believe that they can be friends even after Minzy declares foul on YG and Bom says YG is an admirable person.

I don't know... I really didn't want to say anything, because I feel like I can't give justice to recapping the end of the dream, especially to people who do not share that dream...

2ne1 for me is the door to experience, and also risk, and also being yourself, and also reinvention, and also female friendship, and also expression, and also not being ever too late or too old. Just...

I am heartbroken.

I can tell you that I'll support their individual endeavours but... I don't know if that's true. I know I'll follow Dara for as long as I can, eventhough our taste in her acting pursuits is not to my taste. I know, I'll look into Bom, since vocally she's been my favourite... CL and Minzy, I both love, but CL's recent stuff since MTBD hasn't been going down smoothly for me, and I have yet to experience Minzy in an independent production.

I wish I can hold on to that unreasonable passionate love for them as individual artists, but really it's not that easy. 2ne1 as a whole, as a group made themselves a movement, made them stronger. As solo acts... it's more... I don't know.

I think I need to say something about the song and the MV. I can say I loved the song, but to the end, they still, annoyingly, gave Dara just the bridge. The music video is too orchestrated for me. A lot ofe people think of it as very genuine, but honestly, I just felt like the state of CL's undress was unreasonable, Dara's clothing choices didn't make sense either. The whole metaphorical value of Dara being lost in a veil feels contrived, and even if everything was sincere it's still pretty theatrical. The choices of replays... I would have picked rehearsals, or a ton of 2ne1TV or awards they received... I just think you know, it lacked visual depth, but whatever.

Now don't get me wrong I love this song, the message, the vocal strength of the three, it's just you know, my last resentment, my last ksfglskhflsgf;e.

I do wish there was still some hope that 2ne1 is not at the end of their rope, but I guess until the next time we meet, it's good bye.

Bye love, you were the best.