Heyyyyy, I don't know why I'm posting this, but I just felt I need to share this to someone other than my professor. LOL. So, we were given an assignment to write an eulogy for our selves from a perspective of another person, a lover, a friend, a parent or "etc."

and I may have or may not have took that "etc." too seriously. 

May you spare a 3-5 minutes of your time to read this? hehe 

“Ghost”

If inconsistency had a face, it would look just like her.

Or so she said.

Admittedly, the girl had her temperamental moments, times of indecisions and fear for her mercurial tendencies. Often, she was scared of her future because of her inability to commit into something permanently. One time, I remember her talking to herself dejectedly, carrying herself as though the world weighed heavily on her shoulders. She worried on how sometimes the apathy in her would stubbornly drag her down, and that she would never truly find happiness if she kept losing motivation in everything she does. She thought of herself so lowly then. So convinced that she would never achieve something great in her life.

But I would like to think otherwise.

Why?

Let me tell you the story of our friendship.

My recollection of our first meeting consisted of her warmth, her smile, and the light in her eyes when she first saw me. I knew then I was in good hands the moment I saw the pure joy on her face. “At last, a family,” I said to myself. But still, I was scared.

She took care of me everyday, and been very patient despite my indifference the first few weeks I stayed with her. I didn’t make a sound then--too scared of my new surroundings and intimidated by the towering presence of strangers hovering around me. Maybe this was why she named me “Ghost”. Maybe I was an eerie companion with my snow white fur and foreboding silence. I even remember when she kept asking if I was mute only to be answered by my curious gaze and continued silence. She was stubborn but I was thankful for that. Because if it wasn’t for her incessant petting I wouldn’t have grown fond of her. Her love for me, among others, was not an inconsistent thing. I witnessed it first-hand. Also, the girl took care of her loved ones passionately. Though she may struggle expressing it at times, I could see that she puts an effort in the little things she does to imply it. Observing her for so long, I knew then her impulse to spew biting remarks was the pressure and stress speaking, not the girl I know.

It only took a few more weeks when I finally became comfortable in my new home. I can still vividly recall how shocked she was when I first barked out loud. It was a tiny, shameful shriek--a sorry excuse for a bark, but it still coaxed a delightful laugh out of her. Ironic though, because since then, I was an incessant, barking little beast, thinking it would please her, but I realized it somewhat annoyed her. So I tried “regulating my noise for the betterment of the entire neighborhood”, as what she kept on saying, pleading out of me especially when she’s busy burrowing her head on one of her books. I always wondered then why she ceremoniously worshipped those things, missing out on dinner and other things such as family outings, for the company of those stuff. Was that another way on how humans satiate their hunger? Because, I, for one, certainly won’t miss out on food for that. She called it “studying”. I took that she didn’t loved it especially from the constant frown on her face and her frequent groans and sighs. But why study though when she didn’t love it? Humans are so complicated.

I then realized that she was doing it not because she liked it, but because she needed to do it. To learn. And that’s what she loved. Learning. It was not to satiate her hunger, but to satiate her opinion about herself. During her late night readings, I made sure to keep her company, but only for so long until I feel myself drifting away. But in those moments, I remember how she looked proud when she could understand the scrawlings on her books, how she could absorb its substance, and be able to explain it to her imaginary friend with ease. Yes. She does that. All the time. The girl was not a curious one, but she hated it when she didn’t understand something, and so she would work hard to equip herself with the proper knowledge. I could tell that diligence was not always her cup of tea, but the thirst to educate herself and be complimented for it was something she consistently aimed for.

I have been there with her even when she came home sobbing. I thought then she was sad, tremendously sad, but as it turned out it was tears of happiness. Again, humans are complicated. I heard everyone congratulating her for passing the ‘Bar’. What was that ‘Bar’ and why are they congratulating her for passing it? I still didn’t understand the relevance of it in her life, but I knew for sure she was extremely joyous for that event.

But after that moment, I rarely saw her at home. If she came to visit, it was nothing but a blur of her shadows before I am left unattended again, ignored. It felt sad without her petting me, or playing with me. But still, I waited for her. There were rare moments when she took me out for walks, and when she did that, I heard many people greeting her, calling her ‘attorney’, and I waited impatiently when few of them conversed with her. I could tell that she was loving her new name. However, I had this impression that maybe it was only the name she loved about her new self now, and utterly despised the labor behind it. There were dark, glaring circles underneath her eyes and she was losing weight faster than I was shedding my fur. I can still hear her murmurs of not being good enough despite passing the ‘Bar.’ Though I still didn’t know what that was.

Once, she brought me to where she frequented most of the time. It was far from home, and didn’t seem like one either. There was no bed there, no huge table nor any couch where I can roll and nap on. She gave me the freedom to roam around, but was stern in reminding me of things I shouldn’t do while inside her ‘office’.  Many people came and go. She entertained each one of them. I even saw one lady crying in front of her, then another one hugging her in triumph. I realized that this was her world now. She shared many sympathies and consolations with these strangers. She was working hard for them. She may be mercurial but her perseverance to save them was a continued priority. The girl who used to laboriously read and write all night in the past was still laboriously reading and writing all night, but she had a firm purpose now. Lives and freedoms depended on her.

Her career went on smoothly, and I was with her all throughout. She then had her own family. I was happy she kept me with her. Despite all the things that were happening in her life, I remained her best friend, her constant companion. But I never thought it would all be gone in a single moment.

They said that she will never come back me for any more. I didn’t understand. So I kept waiting for her, hoping and hoping and hoping. Until one night, I was brought to a place I have never been before. The walls were as white as my fur, and it reeked of something I didn’t like. Despite my unease, I diligently followed the human tugging on my leash. I saw her then. She was lying on a strange bed. Wagging my tail, I called for her and she slowly, so slowly turned her head to me. A look of pure joy took over her face, her smile was languid but it was there. They brought me to her and she petted me like she always did, though her movements were weak. I was then reminded of the first time I saw her; her warmth, her smile, and the light in her eyes. Everyone around us was crying then. I still didn’t understand.

But I knew one thing;

If inconsistency had a face, it will certainly not look like my human.