sometimes we all feel sad and unappreciated @ 2:43 in the morning

Sometimes i just want an older sister to look after me the same way I look after my younger sisters. It has always been this way, me tending after them and looking after their well-being. I tried my best to protect them and care for them that I'd even take a hit or a bullet for them. I doubt they'd do the same for me.

 

So what's with the sudden sentiment?

 

I've been waiting (and worrying) for my sister to come home since earlier this evening - and she didn't even text me her whereabouts. Her last text says she was at the campus with friends but it all stopped there. Imagine me worrying like . And then boom, she comes home drunk 2 in the morning. It's always been like this... even before. I mean i have no problems for night outs and all becauze i do the same sometimes, but - a big but - at least let me know so I wouldn't constantly worry about you and if you'd get in trouble I would know where to find you. My sisters know that I have a weak heart (emotionally and literally in a health aspect), yet they keep on doing this to me. I don't know. After what happened a few years ago I get restless whenever they do such crazy stunts. I've almost lost two important people in my life due to vehicular accidents and this "one" event that still breaks my heart whenever I remember it - and - i don't want any of that sort to happen again.

 

I'd probably die the next time it happens bc my heart couldn't handle it any longer.

 

I have a lot to worry about and this adds up. Why can't they even consider my feelings? Like why would they continue hurting me in such way? They keep on doing things that hurt me and and I can't stand it anymore. Why can't they at least acknowledge that I care for them? Why can't they be more like my friends? Blood is thicker than water and yet my friends are more concern of me than them. When they're in times of trou le i'm the one who is always there. I even put them first. I don't have a fuxking relatio ship bc I want to give them my time while we're still at the age of being free and single. Why can't they see how much i love them? They're my sisters yet idk - the i'm crying. I hate it tbh. Am I really a failure as a sister bc i feel like i am. I know im not a perfect sister but idk i guess im a failuee this way.

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sleepingprince #1
No no you are definately not are failure but instead you are an amazing responsible elder sister . You did nothing wrong by wanting to ensure the safety of your sisters. Its only normal for an elder sis to feel worried. I felt the same way as in I want an elder sister thou i'm the youngest but still I always think and feel that having an elder sis is like a gift. Maybe your sisters are still too young to understand ? So they are still at the age where they want to play and have fun. Try talk to them like a heart to heart talk and spent more time with them. Go out to cafes , go to the mall and watch movie or do shopping and all together that way you can be closer to them and understand their thinking. Eventually as they grow older they will realized your kind intention.
slipperbear #2
hey, i know its heartbreaking to think about it now while you are still very, very sad and in acute emotion, but dont think of yourself as a failure.

imo, you did very very well? i wish have a sister like you tbh. what you did for them is very honorable and selfless.

maybe its just hard for them to see/understand and appreciate your care now because they are still young. i was like that with my parents before..when i was younger. i couldnt understand why i need to inform them ANYTHING and why forgetting to do so was such a huge deal.

i hope they will come around one day when they are older and realise how much you care for them. in the mean time, please dont pull yourself down, you are doing really really great. take care and be healthy always :)
purpleclipse #3
Don't think that you are a failure, you did nothing wrong! Don't give yourself the fault. I think you have to open up to your sisters and if you already did, do it more often. They need to know that they can't do that to you. I don't know the between you and your sisters, but maybe they really need you to tell them something like that. I'm sorry if I'm saying something inappropriate, I hope I do not, but let them know more often how you feel about that. Talk more often with them about such things~
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