I'm falling down Alone
One of the hardest things I ever had to do in life was continue my life when I did not want to anymore. It's crazy and frankly quite a scary thing to think about. That each and every single one of us has so much power over our body and ourselves.
I remember seeing a lifeless teenager lying on the floor, crying, blood streaming down arms and legs, and stomach aching for some sort of food. This teenager was me. I was scared, confused, had no idea what was happening to me. How thoughts could control, how mind would make up lies that I fully believed. 'You're fat' brain would say, 'you're ugly, worthless, no one will ever love you'.
The depression was too much for me to handle. I remember spending countless nights in bed, literally fighting for my life. Fighting to hold on one more night, one more day. Thinking to myself, 'maybe tomorrow will be better'. But honestly, tomorrow was never better. If anything it was worse.
I felt like my body was eating me away. To be honest, it probably was seeing as I barely ate. I felt like I had no friends, because I couldn't tell anyone what was happening behind my fake smile.
I still have to fight every day and sometimes the demons inside of me are so loud I can barely think straight. But I hold on to the hope. That one day, they will fade.
A friend once told me that demons fight their hardest right before a breakthrough. So whoever you are, and whatever demons you may be facing, know that you can and will overcome them. It just may take some time and requires a lot of faith.
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