I think I am at that transition where I go from hating life to admitting the who shebang scares me. I had this copywriting gig that I felt like I really really wanted, so naturally, I didn't go for it. Naturally. Because I am just... you know. A loser by choice instead of by circumstance.

I hope you all know that I do try to internalize the platitudes thrown at me that "it's better to love and lost, than not love at all". I mean, I know, technically trying beats not trying, but I dunno. I dunno. I mean, I kind of feel okay not getting the job because I didn't apply rather than not getting the job because I'm no good. I mean, at least I can still pretend I am good in theory. I mean, theories stay as acceptable theories as long as they don't get disproved. Why would I go out of my way trying to disprove the only thing I want to be true? That I am a half-decent writer that do deserve to be paid for my words? Why?

I mean, why?

Because I need money. LOL. I need money and I need a job. I got to get my together, somehow.