I wish I could pretend this stupid comeback doesn't exist...

(This post is super angsty. If you think that could upset you, then please don't read it >.< I just really needed to vent all this negativity I'm feeling rn)

 

This might not be a big deal to most, but this whole thing with V app, and having to pay to watch all the stuff they are doing for the comeback, has just devastated me emotionally.

 

EXO is my happy place.

 

I've been sick for over ten years now, and I found EXO at the time when my illness was at its worst. I wasn't responding to treatments and the doctors had said it was unlikely that I would survive if things continued the way they were. I had lost my boyfriend, friends, and even some family members—because they either couldn't or didn't want to deal with everything that goes along with someone being that ill—and I felt like I had nothing to hold onto to try to keep fighting.

 

That's when I discovered our adorable, y, derpy lil babies. And their energy, bright smiles, and forever playful nature pulled me in and gave me something to hold on to. Checking what they were up to each day, and waiting for new content, gave me something to look forward to. And finding fanfiction, beginning to read it—and eventually write it too—gave me something to do through what some times felt like endless days.

 

Because of being sick, I can't work and I rely on my parents to support me financially. They have sacrificed and given so much over the years with all my medical bills and special needs, that I don't ask them for money for things I don't need. Which means the only part of the comeback I will get to enjoy is the mv itself (I know there are fans who will illegally upload the videos from V app, but I have an overactive conscience—seriously, it's like The Hulk—and will feel incredibly guilty if I watch them that way). I feel like my happy place has been ripped away.

 

I really don't know what to do or how to deal with that emotion.

 

I was already struggling because of some stuff with my health and some other life issues (if you follow my blog or fics then you know I took a hiatus over the past few months because of that) and then now with this...

 

I wish I could pretend this stupid comeback doesn't exist.

 

I wish those stupid videos didn't exist.

 

And it's times like this that I wish I didn't exist.

 

(-.-)

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Ihershie #1
I guess its the world and its excessive thirst for money. But that goes out to everyone, and it isnt necessarily all bad. Maybe just for less important things like this
tulips-n-roses #2
I didn't watch them either because I'm a broke college student and I seriously can't ask my parents to pay for "videos" so I didn't watch them. Adding that my phone was stolen from me wiping any other possibility the I'd be able to watch any V app appearance for EXO. It all devastated me, really. But I can't help it. No one can. You should just enjoy the MV and watch the stages and you won't feel like you've missed a thing. Trust me.
noona87 #3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv2vyHt8Cac this is the link to the videos I was talking about (look in the description box)
noona87 #4
If you search exomentary on youtube, there is a person that,is loading them all for the rest.of us to watch.
drumyeols #5
we love you author nim:) be strong!
adamtina #6
i wish i could hug you...so i am sending a virtual hug now,..but just dont give up especially on your health, i know its hard especially if you have been sick for a long time,but just know that you are alive for a reason, and dont give up yet.
tashatj #7
i dont even watch their v app broadcast even if i want to. im still not allowed to workd and that means i only get money from my parents. they would say that its a waste of money since they dont know the extent of my love for them and i usually end up sulking to myself. well, at least we can watch comeback shows on youtube. dont think too much about it and focus on your health, thats the most important thing. it sure not being able to watch their vapp but oh well, what can we do
ellesama #8
i hope u keep going life might beat u down but i hope u keep going
kpopimaginesforever #9
Let me give you a virtual hug now.
*pulls you in and hugs tight*
Everything will be fine. And you are not the only one to think like that. Let's hope everything is for the good.
taeismybae #10
*sends hugs and kisses* We love you! Don't forget that :)
Qbi_10 #11
*hugs* i have no idea what elese i can do but i hope a little hug will make you a bit happier <3 you can make us your secound happy place y'know ;*
twinzlibra #12
Oh, get well soon, okey~~~ don't think about it too much... That's bad for your health ~~~
twinzlibra #13
I know that feeling, dear... Those V app just won't installed on my phone TT.TT I don't know why..
So, I just let them go and try to wait patiently for their grand comeback...
Bookangel12390 #14
I understand your struggle but if you didn't exist then I would have my Unnie. I agree that making us pay for V app is really annoying and I just hope that you get better soon. <3
Youngmin10 #15
I understand the struggle you feel. Though my situation isn't as dire as yours, i know the feeling of not having money and watching your parents work to get money. At least you have an excuse for not working. I'm here to tell you that whatever you're going through, You have people who love you, you still have Exo. If I could, I would send you money to watch the comeback. Keep pushing baby girl. I will keep you in my prayers and pray for you to recover from this illness. We love you ! You are our fello exo-l. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't watched it either, but I've seen so many theories that excited me.
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