Because I know I am not good at anything. It is between my studies and my dream. How do you expect me to choose? It's like choosing between my family's happiness or my desire. I would be selfish if I choose my dream; but if I don't follow it, I will be in regret all my life. I want to follow what my family had sorted out for me; getting a very good result, entering university, being a doctor, getting married, having kids but it is not as easy as it seems.

But that's the case. I am not good at anything. I cannot manage to get good results as I am always almost failing important subjects. I got an email confirming that my online audition had indeed passed the early stage and I am one step closer to my dream. I still have to confront my parents and tell them I have to go to Korea for one-to-one audition. I am 200% sure they won't allow me. 

The fact that I am still thinking about this is amusing, for me. Should I live all my life doing something I love or should I live all my life doing something my family would love seeing me to do? The dateline is coming, and I feel like sooner or later I have to let go of one of these things. I've been holding onto these too tight, my heart cannot take it anymore.

I never said out loud about my dream to become a kpop idol. Simply because my friends and family are going to laugh at my face. So I sent my online audition as quietly as possible. Didn't expect I would pass actually. Tbh I regretted I sent it. Because it is giving me hope now.