So...what now...random thoughts again first i guess...

i just came back from work at 12 midnight...and here i am in the morning...no sleep cuz i'm just excited doing stuff after tv session with mom in the middle of the night and eat eat eat session with myself...

well, don't judge me cuz i hardly eat at work since happiness n atmosphere is important for me...and eating is a special thing...so i can only eat good when i'm happy...and my workplace is definitely not a place for me to indulge...i only eat whatever for survival there...in fact...today/yesterday...was super high stress...annoyance level that i've started to curse n swear to myself loudly for uncooperative/lazy/petty department that kept making my already jampacked life even more difficult over petty things they could've settled on their own in a few seconds....ugh....not to mention my superiors that kept dumping every other job that weren't mine to me just cuz i seem like the nice goody two shoes timid lady that's easily bulliable just cuz i'm quiet n awkward....one of these days...i'm gonna blow up massively n let them all know it one way or the other...or just walk out with a smile and a middle finger(lol...maybe not...but something like that...)

anyway...where do i start?

oh....Hwang Soo Yeon(of course!)

so i decided to make vid compilation for her despite the little that i've seen...

cuz why not? while my obsession level is at its peak lol...

i get burned out fast...i have phases...but when i'm burning...the fire is sure wild...

and pls don't think of it as anything erted cuz i'm pure okay(lmao)...i'm not like those typical tacky blogs that only fangurl female idols with all nasty improper ual reference cuz i'm too pure(and classy tbh) for that lol..be it for female or male...

and besides, why not? i know she's already have following n certain level of popularity...but still nowhere near the mainstream level like your popular contestants...

and i'm proud to say i've started/popularized quite a few stuffs that weren't popular initially...with my videos, spazzing, blogs, observations,  etc. for me trends aren't to be followed, trends are to be created, or better....fk trends, who needs 'em lameness? following trend would mean i have no individual opinion....and i might not have a lot of things...but that is certainly without a doubt something i can proudly say i own.

anyway, while doing my video...i noticed notification on twitter and....miss hwang liked my tweets again..../faints/...and like...at 6.12am...which means 7.12 kr time....i mean...they're not even my tweets...just...notification from yt that i favorited video of her...i mean i know she likes searching her own name n favorite the tweets, sometimes retweet n some fans who messaged her even got reply...

but when she already liked like...8 of mine...it made me kinda...scared?shy?embarrassed? to message her anything...i mean i don't tweet to artistes with expectations to get reply...i just do it for my own satisfaction of letting them know they're loved...last time i got replies(yes more than one) from my fav band's guitarist,  just after i sent generic new year message to all my fav idols/singers...trust me...as much as i like getting response n be noticed...the heart attack is too much to handle...and i feel like if i tweet something directly to her,....she might just reply...that kinda made me...hesitate and hasn't messaged her yet...attention is a complicated thing...just like in aff...i want my stories to get attention...but i hate getting attention just for the sake of getting stalkers...and i hate doing stuff for the sake of getting attention...it's all in all....complicated...

anyway, a lil crappy since done in a few hours merely...but here it is...

i hope those who don't know her n curious or know her or love her would give it a watch n give meher/the video some love

and i hope she'll see the vid...but i don't think i have the courage to send it directly to her so...haha....

wow i sound embarrassingly immatured lil fangurl for my age...like seriously...i can accept teenager behaving this way but someone like me? ugh...damnit...my heart never ages...lol. (also, my expressiveness)

my wish now is to see her sing...yesshh..that would be awesome since she's supposedly a vocalist.

Ahh...idk...being given more than you'd expect even when you didn't expect anything at all...i guess it makes greed grow in you knowingly or not...when you keep being given something without asking for it...you started expecting it to keep being given to you after sometime...n that's not something pretty tbh...

/edit after waking up from sleep/ : omg...there's another twitter notification....oh...guess who like my twitter link/post again...

actually there's another one not lumped together so in total....already 9.....9....T^T...unnir...and i still get heart attacked for each one...i can't imagine if she reply what will happen to my poor heart...lol...which is why i still haven't messaged her...the last time was when Chris liked my tweet n replied they(Battle) love me too...i think that's the peak of happiness i've reached when it comes to this respect...i mean...Battle is always n forever my top#1 in kpop....so....omg...oppar noticed meee....although that time getting free CDs was good time too...like a band(or to be specific, d vocalist) went out of the way asking for your address and packing gifts n post them by airmail for you just cuz they found a random post of you spazzing them...i'm not entirely unlucky...in fact, in my stanning spazzing life, i've been extremely lucky i'd say....but...i'd rather some of that luck is switched to my real/personal life instead that is on the opposite end...oh well...

 

Anyway...today..i still have the urge to write fic without solid idea....and today...i'm affected/inspired by this song...

although i can't think of any idea...the mv n comments on it though...

oh my Hyungjun...lmao...he's sucha tryhard to look like/be a badboy...it's always cringe...n funny...one of the comment totally cracked me up 'baby(hyungjun) always trying to be the bad boy in the group...until jung min comes'....haha, Jungmin definitely make Hyungjun look so tame in comparison...especially bcuz he always like to act the weak victim to Jungmin....though i don't think Jungmin has ever tried to be the bad boy...he always just act crazy, wild n whatever...i read a comment saying Youngsaeng saying Jungmin is preparing to join them after his military time finish...omg is that true? so it means Jungmin will join their company? bcuz i don't think they'll join Jungmin's own company(he probly won't have resource to house them anyway since he is his own agency)....i still hope Jungmin will maintain his musicality at least for his solo career bcuz so far...i'm really liking his music taste/style...i don't think i've ever found a singer whose musical flavour/taste i've liked as much as i like Jungmin's...since it's hard for me to even find his songs that i hate or find bleh. the other members on the other hand....well....i like SS501 style of music mostly...but yeah, i hope at least for solo, he would remain with his rock-ballad ish style n whatever else he did that always come out sounding good...

 

thinking of fic idea again...since i'm so Hwangsooyeoned lately...and before that I was Imhanbyuled....i'm thinking...would it be strange to pair them up?...i honestly think not...there's something superamazingly attractive about Hanbyul whenever he sings(actually, tbh i'm watching/hearing vid of Hanbyul singing now...to Mariah Carey's Christmas song...haha)....ugh...i never thought i'd be saying this ever, back then...i mean...he's like...my least fav in A'ST1....how???? and Hwang Sooyeon is superamazing cool so how can superamazing attractive n superamazing cool does not match? ...great...i'm thinking of new fic for Hanbyul when i haven't updated Muted Serenade anyway...i don't plan to bring Sooyeon in there since she doesn't fit any character type i have in mind for that fic....Kim Juna....yes, she totally fits one of the characters i have in mind though main girl has to be Jaekyung cuz she's perfect for that role. i'm so oddly obsessed with Hanbyul i feel like...pairing him with all girls that i'm stanning...like ughhhhhh....

 

it's evening now and i'm starting to feel down cuz i have yet to go out for desperate job hunting session and soon my offdays would be over...T^T....and i'll be working on weekends yayyyyy....but it's raining now(even though it's a lil too sunny n hot out there)...so i should be grateful for the little moments of joy...

 

and i don't feel like updating my produce 101 fic though i should update it before the show ends in case it could make a difference...i mean, fics CAN have influence yknow....but when you have like 50-70 people viewing both chapters and hardly one comment...i don't feel like these unappreciative stalkers deserve any updates so haa...if you don't want to comment, the least you could do is to not keep reading...that would annoy me so much less tbh....i always have issues with silent reader/unresponsive reader...that's how i got so mad n crazy with Unlock the Devil Fourever that i just removed own 100++ subs...bcuz i feel better seeing little number for what response i'm getting...you can say whatever you want...but you don't live as me so you have no right to judge me tbh....

 

And popular people...well, they scared me...i need to make mental note to never say anything to them if i'm not going to grovel on the ground worshipping n preaching whatever they say as TRUTH...whenever you say something remotely disagreeing...they'll jump at you to rip you no matter how much more rational your points are...this is why i avoid any contact with anyone popular in the society..be it in real life, or internet life...ain't nobody got time to feed them ego no matter how ridiculous they're being or be their punching bag for wounded ego...you trend followers n popularity worshippers can happily take that role thank you...

 

i'd rather use that time to fangirl Hwang Soo Yeon instead....hahaha....i'm predicting this year will mark a lot of girlgroup debuts specifically from the girls of the produce 101 fame...i mean..if their companies are smart enough to pick up the momentum from Produce 101...i hope Happyface would take notice...besides Hwang Sooyeon, Hwang Ayoung is getting much attention too for her vocals n also her rap perf n all...i feel like if other Happyface girls had survived as long as those two...they'd have gotten more popular too...one of the girls appeared in one of the produce 101 contestant selfcam n with that one appearance she just stuck in my mind already(wanna guess who? no?)....not to mention Kim Jayeon who have gotten my attention probly even before i stanned Hwang Sooyeon and also....Kim Woojung whom i randomly went to try watch n reading the comments...she didn't want to do the song she did...but she ended up doing it so charismatically...so i expect to like her too...plus, i always like the older ones than super youngin ones...

 

OH GUYS...no i remember something i want to say...

So....I have received my Rainbow album!!!!

and guess whose photocard i got?!!!! 

i was kinda hoping for her but not like i would mind any other since i'm not these photocard kinda person...just...for the sake of mystery it gets me excited...

but yeah...

i got....Oh SeungA!~!!!! (too lazy to take proof pic rite now)

and i was hoping for hers since she's original bias! (though Jaekyung Noeul and well...basically everyone else always try to ruin it....)...and though i really mean it when i said i didn't care which girl i'd get since i love them all n photocards aren't big deal unless the pic's too pretty...just for the excitement of expectation sake...

but anyway, she's the only Rainbow member i've done this for...

;)

 

 

 

and random but i found this....

i tried hard to find but....are Seungah n Noeul really in this vid? cuz my computer screen is blurry thanks to limit internet finished....one girl look like she could be Seungah but i don't see Noeul lookalike from my blurry screen? but if it's them...surely there'd be at least some closeup no? so it's probly not them? but why the name on the vid? hmm....i'm scared of asking at the video in case it's really them? omg...lol....bad fan.

but omg...Junyoung did Rainbow songs!!

and Kwanghee appeared!!!

omg...my fav currently existing boygroup n girlgroup....omg...feels...

 

now what do i do after this pointless post...

oh i just remember i feel hungry...haven't eat the whole day...yikes...

alrite...foodhunting time...

seeya later~

please give some love to my hwangsooyeoned vid if you will.....lol

cuz i am hwangsooyeoned

and you best admit you are too...

lol.

ok, maybe not, but whatever...i don't want to hear that...lalala...

/runs out/