I'm not as strong as you think I am..

I want to be strong, I really do..  But I can't help bursting out crying sometimes, because I just don't know how things will get better..

What people see in me are only all the good things in my life.  They never knew what I've been really through.

Why?

Because when people grow up, they tend to hide how they really feel, especially when it was a bad feeling.  They tend to hide their emotions, hide their problems all by themselves and they tend to show that everything's okay.  So am I..

Sometimes it of being strong, because when people know that you are strong, they think that it is okay to hurt you, over and over again.

Did others know that I'm hurt?

Did others know that I'm dealing with a lot of problems?

Did others know that almost every night I cry myself to sleep?

NO!

Sometimes I want people to know and see me break down in tears when I'm alone in my room at night so people know that I'm not okay, I'm not happy, that I'm not the strong confident person you think.

And you know what?

It all takes a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.

I don't want people to think I'm weak, because I'm not.

I'm just so tired of being strong..

That's why, now, I'll say "I'm Fine.." with my beautiful fake smile..

P.s. :  I keep myself busy with things to do, but everytime I pause, I still think of you.. I need you.. I really do.. :')