A/N: stumbled across an old writing when I was "cleaning" my computer earlier today. I think it was written when I was around 17. It wasn't the best story I have written but it takes up a special space on my list.

 

---

 

Everyone must have thought of having a time machine, but is it really worth traveling back even you can’t change anything and the ending will be all the same ?

 

 

 

It was a misty morning. She was having an unusual, overwhelming taxi ride, to the hospital. 

 

 

She wanted it to go faster, but no, she was not ready.  Her father was dying.

 

     

 

It was a mild spring day, she was 9. Her father was giving her a piggy-back ride in a little playground. On his broad shoulders, she felt safe and warm that she had never felt from anywhere. 

 

 

He gently patted her head and whispered, “My good girl, be strong whenever difficulties come.” The innocent girl gazed into her father’s eyes and giggled, “Daddy is there for me. There’s nothing to be afraid.”

 

 

The man did not reply, just put her little hand in his, strolling back to their cozy home under the weak sunlight. The little girl wished time could freeze at that moment.

    

 

 

It was a dull and drizzling day at her 18th birthday. She was out with her friends. At midnight, she opened the front door. Her father was staring at her. 

 

 

There was a haze in his eyes, yet she failed to notice it. “Why are you so late ?” “I had party with my friends. It’s my birthday ! I do what I like. There’s none of your business.” “You haven’t come home for days already…….” “I am an adult now. I can take care of myself ! I‘m tired. Leave me alone !”

 

 

Bang ! She ran straight to her room without sparing another glance at the old man, hoping she could grow up faster and leave this family. 

 

 

In the house, he wiped tears silently, standing alone under the weak moonlight. 

 

  

 

It was a gusty autumn day. She was leaving for the US. She had decided to study abroad. At the airport, there were no tears, no words, nothing but dead silence engulfing her. 

 

 

Her father said, “Call when you need anything.” Although he knew she would not. And so she left without saying a proper goodbye. She wished she could arrive in a blink of an eye and start a ‘new’ life. 

 

 

 

Four years had passed, she came back.

 

 

  

In the hospital, the suffocating smell annoyed her. She could hear her heart pounding as she was walking through the wards. It skipped a beat as soon as she saw her father lying on the bed, with all kinds of medical devices connected to his weak and pale body. 

 

 

She stumbled to his side, and her eyes started to water. She held his cold and rough hands, it felt different.  Those hands used to keep her safe and warm.

 

 

Her father slowly turned his head and took a good look of his only child. “Finally……” “Dad, I’m sorry …. Sorry …” “Be….. strong.” “You’ll be there for me, right? I need you.” ‘I’ll be up there, watching.’ 

 

 

Tears finally ran down their cheeks, both of them. She knew something was ripped out of her chest. He passed away.

 

 

 

Facing the twilight outside the window, she tasted that tears were not just salty - they were also bitter like gall. Being exhausted, she fell asleep. 

 

 

A voice then appeared in her head. “Father? I want you back.” “Let bygones be bygones.’” “Do you remember the time when we played in the garden? I just want to go back to that moment.” 

 

 

“Don’t be silly. The ending will be the same and I will leave you anyway.” “Not now. I just need you to guide me.” “There is a future awaits. Yours. It should be tomorrow that you’re looking for.’

 

 

 

She struggled to open her eyes with the strong rays of sunlight shining down on her bed. Wind rattled the shutters in their hinges. The clock on the wall was clicking. 

 

 

It was another day. A new day.

 

 

   

Is it worth to travel back time even thought it would still end the same? 

 

 

She would definitely reply - ‘yes’.