I have never been so attached with any celebrity the way I am with Kim Jaejoong now. I do have lots of favorites. Local and International artists but the hold of Jaejoong on me is so deep that it makes me sad counting the days for him to comeback. 

I asked myself why am I feeling this sadness towards someone who doesn't know me? Why do I depend my life in a guy who I saw in person thrice? Why do I talk to him, saying things to him on his SNS though there would be 0.01% chance that he'll see it? I know the answer. It's simple. It is Love.

Don't get the wrong idea. I am not stupid to fall in love and dream of him loving me back. Technically he loves me. As a fan. Idols love their fans. For Jaejoong, I know it's sincere. Back to the answers. Seeing his SNS posts almost every day since I became a fan, -which until now I can't remember what year I started- makes me happy. Let's put if this way, having a bad day and then all of a sudden you will see his post like it is addressed to you. Cheering you up! It actually helps. I had always been stress at work. I had this routine to tweet him specially on Tuesdays -my most dreadful day of the week. Asking him if he could post something to motivate and inspire me and 8 out 10 he does! 

I can easily be depress about anything. I think we are the same in that aspect. I can relate to him. Also he is a role model for me. With all the problems he and s faced, it is amazing that they still manage to show what they are made of. As he said on his last concert before enlistment -which I attended. 2 nights I might add- he had been in a rough road with his fans for a long time now, and he's never been away from us ever since. Being a fan I knew that and saw that. I fight for him together with other fans. We protected him. Now he's gonna be on his own. He e en joked that when a senior scolded him, we can't protect him. In a way, I feel that I will be alone. Alone with my sadness. My inside problems. He will not be there -for a while- for me to get some inspiration. I'll be somehow lost. 

I tell him things -on SNS- that even my closest friends doesnt know. Why? He cant judge me. He wont be telling me things that will only hurt me more. He will just listen. I think. Like the guy I am in love with for years that's been recently enggaged. He knows our story. Or should I say his twitter account knows. So when Sunny Day came out on his WWW album I burst into tears. I had this impression that that's my story he is telling. One good example is when I was feeling greatly down about my self. The way I look and everything else.When their album came out, Dear J captured my heart the most. The song talks about stop being hard on yourself because he is there -not to mention my real name starts with "J"- it lifts up my mood. It inspired me. Call it coincidence, I thought so sometimes but it is my healthy delusional way of letting out my fears and worries and make it disappear because of him.

Love doesn't mean you need to be with him to feel it. There are many types of Love depending on how you give it. For me, it is a simple case of Loving someone who lets out the best in me. I want to protect him because he makes me feel protected. I want him to be happy because he makes me happy. I love him because he loves me back. Our simple similarities bonds us. I miss him because there will be no one who will answer my questions figuratively at the moment.