If you read this, please also notice the A/n at the end :)

aaannd i'm not so sure about a trigger warning or smth. cause i'm not experienced in this stuff so please just be aware, ok?

He was glad they couldn't see he had been crying just before. He had been sure they would notice and make a fuss about it and it would gain everyone's attention. He didn't want that at all.

You must be wondering why he had been crying. Well, he failed his test, that's about it. It hadn't been a good test for anyone in the course, but he considered himself as one of the better ones, and yet, his mark was under the average. It wasn't helping that his marks in other courses decreased as well. Everything seemed to be gong downhill, which seemed so unfair because he had started to be more attentive in class and to his studies in general after the term had started.

He felt as if he was giving more but was receiving less than ever before, even less than during the time he hadn't turned in any assignment and hadn't done any homework at all. He didn't even look at the stuff for tests and had usually still done better than the average, no he was certain that all in all, his grades were above average. Why wasn't life giving back?

The worst thing, he found, was that the teacher, whom he knew personally had seen him crying, heck, he had felt so guilty and ashamed of his grade and his whole existence, that he had let down his dignity and pride and he ing cried in front of a teacher. He hadn't done that since primary school. The teacher assumed that something must have been wrong on that particular day, that his mind had been preoccupied, but he had even thought it had went well, that he had worked especially concentrated and didn't forget anything. Only, it didn't go good.

It didn't go well at all.

During the talk with the teacher, he had somewhat calmed down and collected himself enough to croak out answers to her questions of her answers, she tried to help him by advising her how to work out his mistakes and improve himself, but honestly, that was the last thing on his mind. He was thinking about how his parents would look at him and how only the tone of their voices would make him feel miserable. He was thinking about why he was even doing this, why he was going to high school, why he was even alive in the first place. Why did life bother with him anyway, such a disappointment and failure as himself? He just felt like he should be punished, that he should punish himself for his worthlessness.

After being dismissed, he hurried to the nearest bathroom and leaned against the sink. He knew nobody would come here, it was a secluded part of school and it was recess, so everybody would either be outside or in the cafeteria. He slowly looked up in the mirror. It wasn't that noticeable that he had been crying. His eyes and nose looked a bit red and kind of...raw and swollen, but if it went down a little, he could play it down saying it was hay fever if he would be asked. So he wiped the excess tears he had missed before and promptly splashed water in his face to cool it down and make the swelling go away them he tried to cool down his eyes especially by pressing his cold hands against his eyeballs. The urge to hurt himself rose again, but he wouldn't. He was scared of their concern. And then he began to wonder- would they notice something off in his behavior? Who would even other to look that closely in his ugly face? Who would care enough to ask, even if they did notice? So he stopped trying to cover his situation and started going to the classroom he would be in next. Just as he arrived, the bell rang.

And no one noticed. No one asked. If they did wonder, they didn't care enough.

But he was glad he was left alone. So why did he feel disappointment? Why did he feel so lonely, that he felt that no one would have cared if he had jumped off the roof during recess or slit his wrists so all the blodd would have left him?

a/n: This is just a short prompt on how i'm feeling right now, please note, that i am -in fact- not a boy and am not sure whether it's all fitting to a male's perspective, but i just feel a lot more comfortable writing a boy's point of view.

while writing this i noticed that i am probably a lot more f*ed up in the head as i thought i was, i can see major trust issues and depressive tendencies in here among other things...oh well seems like i'm at the bottom of the pit, huh