A/N: this version is already proofed by HakonePpyong 

Memories through Polaroid’s

I look at him; he is sitting near the windowpane, pretty eyes filled with wonder. He’s like a kid, excited to know the world around him. The shade of the sky tells that the sun will come down anytime soon, I saw it, he smiles at the scenery it become his habit looking outside the window admiring the endless sky since he got here in the hospital.

He saw me standing on the door he flash his breath taking and blinding smile to me. I tighten my grip on the photo book in my hand and then smiled back to him. His delicate hand patted the free space on his hospital bed and I willingly took the invitation. I am too scared that someday, I cannot do it anymore so I took the seat next to him.

I show him the photo album that I brought for him, he looks at it like it was the most precious diamond he had ever lay a hand on all through his life. I eyed him for a moment, watching every movement he makes. I tried to remember and treasure the way his fingers runs to the printed words on it.

“You and I” He reads and then he looks at me.

I want to cry hearing him say those words just like the way he used to say, it breaks my heart over and over again.

“It’s our photo book,” I explained, trying not to sound desperate and sad, he’s not asking but the looks on his calm and innocent face was seeking for answers, answers to his countless unspoken questions.

He opens it, the documentation and the mute witness of their undying love for one another; he flips to the first page it was a picture of him sleeping on the couch snuggling on a thick blanket, and another picture of two cups of coffee with an undefined shape on the center.

“December 24, 2012” We both read the date written under the Polaroid in a hush voice.

“We’re waiting for the Christmas eve but you’re tired from cooking food for us and told me that you want coffee so I did made us coffee… I tried to make a heart shape on the center but I turned messy…” I scratch the back of my head flashing a gummy smile.

All through my explanation he just blinks at me, I grab his cold hands and tried to warm it up with mine giving it a small reassuring squeeze and with that he smiled at me before looking at the next page.

“Why I am putting a scarf on you?”

“Oh! It was one of our friends birthday last November… you got him a scarf as your present but you wrapped it on me instead because I was cold.” I found myself smiling at the precious memory we shared before.

He smiled at my explanation and I can feel the pinch of little hope on my heart on the way he caresses the picture and the twinkle on his eyes. He leaned his head on my shoulder our hair color are contrasting, mine's dark brown and his was black as coal.

“I really did love you before?” He whispers to me biting his lower lip.

I really want to cry I can hear my heart breaking once again; I did not let myself to cry in front of him I don’t want him to see how weak I am especially now that he need someone to lean on and I’ll be the strongest foundation for him.

“I wish I can remember everything… everything about us.”

All through the night, I explained and told him everything about what's inside and the story behind those Polaroids of us on the photo book that we used to share and treasure before.

The last picture was a picture of us hugging a teddy bear sandwiched between the two of us; there were no description because the time I stick it on the album I got a call from the hospital that he got shot in the head.

“That teddy bear is our baby.” I smiled sadly.

“Our baby…” I was going to tell the name but he shush me “I want to know our baby’s name by myself without your help I really want to remember our past.” He looks at me with a determined face.

I found myself standing again on his room’s door while he was talking and discussing important matters to the doctor assigned to him. I feel suddenly scared, I stand frozen on my spot without even knowing the reason why.

“He wants to talk to you in private,” the docto told me and I only nodz “will you excuse me I need to go to my next patient." then the doctor left the two of us. I sit beside him he’s wearing an unreadable expession that frightens me, I reached for his hand and looked at him, he’s still not talking I feel anxious every second that pass.

“Jongin,” My heart skipped I beat when he started to talk “You trust me, right?” He finally looked at me this time “Hyung, I do but you’re scaring me,” I said honestly. but in a flash, he smiles and kisses me.

“The bullet in my head is blocking our memories I want to get rid of it,” He expressed, I looked at him in shock. The doctor and I talked about it before but it was a 50/50 surgery and it was dangerous since the bullet is inside his head.

“But it’s dangerous—“

“I need to take the risk Jongin… it’s for you and me,” his hands reaches my face making me look at him but I can’t look at him in the eyes. “I did promise that I’ll remember about us and I don’t want to break that promise”. It is okay if he breaks the promise because I do not want to lose him from risking his life, I don't want to hear my heart breaking into pieces once more.

“The doctor already got my permission and I already sign the papers for the operation I want this bullet removed and bring my memories back,” He look at me while saying those firm decision of his, what can I do for now is to support him and stay on his side no matter what.

The countdown of days before his operation was fast and unexpected, the weeks turns to days and now I was beside him on his hospital bed caressing his soft locks, sleeping peacefully in my arms.

I smiled sadly, sketching every detail of his face in the back of my mind and then kisses his forehead. I reach for the camera on the table beside the bed and took a photo of us, I was smiling but the tear stains were obvious. I don’t care at the moment, I want this moment  to be captured and become a memory and history of what true love is.

Tomorrow was the day I do not know what to feel I am scared, worried and I very feel anxious but, the boy beside me is calm and subtle as the water on a pond on the near park. I can feel that he is awake I greeted him with a warm smile.

“What’s that?” He asked pointing the Polaroid on my hand I immediately show it to him, he grasp on it and stare at me in the eyes “I took a picture of us when you’re sleeping…” I said, “You cried…” He stated in a matter fact that makes me look away.

“Can I ask you something? Can you take the bear tomorrow I want to see it after the operation… and Jongin, can I keep his photo?”

I sit on the waiting area my sweaty hands were clasp together, I’ve been waiting for hours I brought the bear Kyungsoo wants to see again, my heart is beating so fast that I feel nauseous. I keep on praying for the operation to be successful and everything will gonna be alright.

I look at the clock it’s 4 in the afternoon and he’s inside the operating room for three hours. The look on his face was clam when the nurse pushe him inside the operating room, he smiled at him holding on to our latest picture last night for his dear life.

I hugged the bear and started talking to it… “Hey berry, his going to be alright, right?” Of course, I did not get an answer because Berry is just a stuff toy but Berry is our baby.

I didn't noticed the doctor sat beside me; he's still wearing his mask, he looks at me in incomprehensible expression I look back at him I want to ask him what happened during the operation if it is successful or not— no it's successful I can feel it, but there’s a lump in my throat.

“The operation was successful the bullet was removed,” The doctor said as he removes his mask and I feel relieved at his words but somewhat I am still scared.

“He wakes up and asked for a pen,” The doctor hand me the picture Kyungsoo’s holding when he enters the operating room it has blood stains “Jongin, I’m sorry but we lose him after he gave me that photo.”

The doctor left me, my surrounding was spinning; my head really hurts, the doctor’s words keep on repeating on my mind together with the sound of my breaking heart. My knees suddenly feels weak so I sat on the chair. I look at the picture on my hands and saw Kyungsoo’s unsteady handwriting at the back. I gasp for air, tears falls down like there’s no tomorrow. I never feel so hollow like this before my world is slowly crumbling down, but I smile because he never broke his promise, doesn't he?

‘I love you Kim Jongin, please take a good care of Berry.’