This  is not related to dandellions, but I don't know I just want to make this. Please Enjoy!! ^^

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was in my second year of my study in the infamous university in my country. It was the feeling that I was longing for. The feeling that I’ve never really feel these past 4 years. I used to have this emptiness inside my heart but suddenly it changed. I was in my denial at first but I really can’t stand it anymore after he confessed to me. I don’t know if it was really a confession, but he said he likes me.

It sounds so funny whenever I recalled those moments. When he suddenly approached me, being nice to me, smiling at me but on the other time I saw him walking side by side with other girl or boy. This feeling inside me hurting me little by little.

I am not a type who can easily get trapped into love game. But hey, I am a noy. I am a human too. I’ve been keeping this emptiness inside my heart for years. I was being strong. But I just can’t lie that sometime I need someone here. Someone who can understand me. Someone who can give me some loves. Someone that I can give my attention to.  Someone that can make feel like a real boy, a real human. Not just Youngjae who used to be a lonely boy.

I am not really a lonely boy of course. I have some friends. I have my siblings. I have my parents. But its different, I need love in my life. I need love as a boy. I need lover.

His name is Jeabum. He is not a good boy, and I know that. He is not nice, and he is just one of the rebellious student in my university. But he is different when he is in front of me. He changes in front of me. I am not going to be full of my self but it’s true. He makes me special in his own way.

I am not handsome, I am not clever, I am just nothing compared to those girls and boys around him. But why is he keep coming near me. Sometimes I feel so stupid, he just keep giving me hope without doing nothing. And there is me on the other hand successfully transformed into a love sick boy. I am willing to help him whenever he asks me and the only thing that I get is nothing.

It has been a year since he keep doing that. Make my heart flutters, and drag my feel into sorrow. I am hopeless, I can’t ignore him, I can’t resist him. And the worst is he just keeping me there, hanging, just being nothing, while he keep changing his girlfriend. Yes I know I was just so stupid.

I was in my third year of my study, and we just  being separated. He moved  from my class. And we didn’t have anymore the same class. I was so happy, and empty. I wonder will my heart going to feel those emptiness  again or will it be stronger.” I don’t know I will just keep going and living my life”. Yes, it was what I was keeping in my mind.

It always comes into the place and time that I really miss him. Miss his dumbness, miss his cheesy words, miss his smile, miss his clinginess, even the moment when he was just being stubborn. I have to admit that I just miss everything about him. “But I just nothing”, it’s the thing that I really know. “is he really ever has the same feeling as mine?” “why is he so easy to find another love?” “did he ever happen to remember me?” “is he just using me instead and throw me away ?” these questions keep replaying in my mind.

It was in the other day that I finally have a chance to approached him. I was just want to being nice really, but the respond that I get is only glare. The glare that hurts my heart. The glare that shows disgust. The smile that I used to get was disappeared. The smile that I miss the most is nowhere to be found. “what did I do wrong?” “why is he being like this?”. I can’t even say anything after that, he just left me there dumbfounded and embarrassed.

I don’t know if I can face him again after that, it was hurt. “does he really going to throw me away like that?” “did he really get enough of me?” “was I really nothing for him?” those  thought really bother me alot.

It was near exam when he approached me again. To be honest I really don’t know how to react, he just came to me throw me his smile and talk. I was just going to reject him until I feel he hugs me. I was frozen at that time. I still can’t resist him.

 He asked me to teach him some subjects for his exam. At that time I knew that he only use me. He only takes some advantages of me. He never loves me like I do. All those things that he ever told me was just only a lie.  He was just being a jerk all this time. But what surprised me the most is me. My heart keep telling my mind that “I am okay, I can bear the pains that he already gave, and I still bear another pain if he still want to give me, I was okay so I’ll keep being okay, I am happy with just keep near him and watching his smile.” Unconsciously I said yes, I know I will just get hurt again but I just can’t do anything. This love drags me too deep.

I keep being a fool this past few weeks but I don’t leave any regret. I know my happiness will come one day. My love, my true love is waiting for me. I will just mark this as the last moment with this boy. I will never do the  same stupid thing again next time. I can’t guarantee my heart will still being okay if he keep doing this to me. I need to move one. And I can! I believe that I can. This love is only one side love. This love is so stupid. This love just makes me realize that I have to be something. I can’t stay being nothing.

As expected he just left after the exam. Without any single words, without even smile, without hug. I swallow this pain. Wish he will never appeared again in front of my eyes. I am done with him. Good bye love, be happy with your life.